Fred's daughter, carrying on Words of Hope
Jennifer Crowell Ferch
Jennifer Crowell Ferch is Fred Crowell's daughter and leads NBC Camps. After her Dad's passing in 2021 she took up Words of Hope, writing about faith, grief, family and the many lessons her Dad taught her.
591 articles, 2021 to 2026
Jennifer's most common topics
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Grief at the Crossroads
Smoke hangs heavy in the Spokane air. I try to block out the images the ash or smoke represent.
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Hope or Optimism
Brene Brown shared a story of a POW survivor who said the first to die were the optimists. These were the “pie on the sky” people who believed freedom would happen by Christmas.
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Solved by Walking
I found my dad’s journal where he is wrestling with what procedures to choose for cancer.
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Singing Through the Sorrow
When I was young, my dad loved a song which began, “How can I say thanks for the things you have done for me, things so undeserved yet you proved to show your love for me.
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During the Watches of the Night
I am reading a memoir of a Russian interpreter who helped with the identification of the body of Hitler.
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Navigating Losses
One of my mentors, Henri Nouwen writes about life as you age toward death, “Your whole life is filled with losses, endless losses. And every time there are losses, there are choices to be made.
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The Greater Miracle
The word “passion” means to suffer with someone for the sake of love. Christ hanging on the cross out of love for humanity inspired the creation of this important word.
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When Life Hurts
Have you been turned upside down? Or, perhaps, it really is right side up! In essence, that is what suffering does to us.
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I Will Be Happy If
There is a question I have been pondering during Holy Week. “I will be happy if ____________.” Early in my dad’s cancer journey, he would have placed his happiness dependent upon his cure.
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When despair comes
Dad loved the Ignatian spiritual exercises. He used them diligently to listen and discern God’s will in decision making. When in despair, Ignatian cautions not to change course or make decisions when experiencing hardship and difficulty.
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Love recognizes love
Monet is called the father of Impressionism. The term was coined from the name of his painting “Impression, sunrise”.
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Impact and Intent
There can be a uniformity between impact and intent. However, not until we know and understand how to create this congruency is it possible to master the vital skill of creating healthy relationships.
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Reward
I have been thinking about rewards, specifically how are they different from awards and how they are viewed in scripture. Perhaps they are on my mind as I clean out the awards for my mom and dad.
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Love Abundant
God is always surprising us. He is full of compassion and deepest love. How easy it is to ascribe harshness to God. Why is this?
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Reckoning
Hope seems in short measure when we see the violence happening in America. People with masks shooting civilians and dragging children away from parents. Never in my lifetime would I believe this could happen.
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Seek Truth
As I witness men tearing down signs that tell the truth of slavery in our nation, I consider the cost this is to their lives, to their children’s lives, to their souls.
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Haste
My mom and I like speed. I like haste. I like to hurry through a store, rush through conversations, interrupt, or move on.
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Good News
In my devotional, I was feeling sad when I opened an advent book by one of my favorite authors, Henri Nouwen.
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A New Father
One of the greatest losses a child can experience is father loss. Father loss comes in many forms. A three-year-old boy’s father dies in a plane crash.
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True Desire
What is your true desire? Can you peel back the reasons for the way you want to live?
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Merry Christmas
One Christmas Season, Dad felt at the apex of frustration with his stage four cancer diagnosis. Worn out and weary to the bone, he tried to navigate both the physical and emotional work of managing his pain.
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Henri Nouwen’s 3 Thoughts That Heighten Anxiety
Before going into the three thoughts that heighten anxiety, first, let’s consider what the scripture says: “be anxious for nothing.” That is an interesting expectation. Be anxious about zero situations, zero scenarios.
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Sea of Love
I like to break down verses word for word. “Cast all your cares.” What an image that is, one especially given to us from St. Peter who would know all about the skill of casting.
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Advent
This season as we celebrate Advent, I consider what it means to prepare. What are we preparing? We prepare food, a place for guests to stay, we prepare presents, decorations, traveling accommodations, and schedules.
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Artistic Love
One of the gorgeous books we are reading as a family is by Makoto Fujimura called “Art is a journey into the light.” He and his wife are dear friends of ours.
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Artist Work
Shann and I went with our daughter Bella as part of a ministry team to work with children born into brothels.
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Full of Wishes
I love Henri Nouwen. I imagine him spending time with Dad in heaven. Henri always longed for a deeply loving friend, and he would have found that in Dad.
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Contemplating Compassion
Two passages of scripture have been resonating in my mind. The first is Jesus healing the widow’s only son and not only healing but raising him from the dead.
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Light to my Path
Dad loved Ignatius. He had a very Ignatian sensibility as a coach. Ignatius knew his call was to help people move toward a healed life through Christ.
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The Importance of Pain
One of the gifts my dad gave me was curiosity and the discipline to seek out the “why” of life. My dad understood the need for curiosity around complex issues and topics such as suffering and pain.
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God-Breathed
My dad and I memorized 2 Timothy 3:16-17. They are verses I have held with me for most of my life. I memorized them in Birmingham, Alabama when I was seven.
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Completely
I have been meditating again on what made Dad such a wonderful father. He was a dear father because he knew how to love well. Part of the deepest aspect of love is the gift of friendship.
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Love as Witness
My husband is a genocide researcher. He looks back in history at the times when one people group hoped to eliminate another people group through bloodshed, famine, or other forms of harm.
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Cheering On
Our daughter Ariana is on the National Tour of The Sound of Music . What joy for our family!
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Not Overcome
Shann’s new novel, Where Blackbirds Fly , releases officially today. It was a long journey full of suffering. He would start writing at 10:00 or 11:00 pm.
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Forgiven and Forgiving
Look at this beautiful interaction Jesus has with both a Pharisee and a woman in the Book of Luke.
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Just the Right Time
In my walk as a Christian for many years, one of the biggest surprises to me is how consistent God is at surprising me when I feel the most need for Him.
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Amazed
The scripture reading today focused on the word, “amazed.” I consider this word prayerfully. In the Greek it is not a fleeting feeling, but something we feel in our core.
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Beneath the Surface
My dad could discern the root motives of others. He could look past the behavior and see the unconscious compulsions of shame, envy, greed, selfishness, or fear.
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Why Jesus
I sense that some people from other sports industries look with disdain at me on any praise delivered to “Jesus” as though I am delivering something fanatical or cultish.
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First Word Joy
I have a sign on my office door that I made that reads, “First Word Joy.” I consider how differently my day begins when I select to focus on delight in God, life, and people.
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Honest Guilt
My dad was an incredible father precisely because he created a home where we could point out ways he was not a great father, and he would ask forgiveness and change.
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Just Like That
My daughter Natalya prayed every night for months that her sister would have red hair like Ariel from The Little Mermaid. At first, we thought she would outgrow it, but she was relentless.
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Waiting for the Shoe to Drop
I am sitting in my office feeling a mixture of hope and a small sense of dread. My dad’s picture is to my right. I consider how he would like me to live right now.
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Dear Friends
Our scripture memory verse this past week was 1 Peter 4:12-13. It begins, “Dear Friends.” The words in Greek translates as “those who are beloved, deeply loved.” Who are these dear friends in your life?
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What is God asking?
What is God asking of me? The question could be rephrased, “What is LOVE asking of me?” The list of what love is and is not is a good place to start.
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Salvation Joy
There is nothing like watching someone experience salvation joy. Last week, a young coach stopped by our office. His face glowed, he smiled ear to ear, and there was an inner light.
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Moved
I love listening to stories of scripture. I spend time with the familiar story of the Good Samaritan. Jesus tells this story in response to a question about how we should be living our life.
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Psalm 34
We are memorizing Psalm 34 as a staff. Some are working on verses 1-4, and some are trying for all 22 verses.
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Not a Machine
My dad was not mechanical. He could not look at a problem in the house and fix it. My dad was relational, and he understood life at an emotional and spiritual level.
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Difficulty
The NBC office staff and I are memorizing Romans 5:3-5. It is a powerful and counterintuitive passage.
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Never Forgotten
We recently visited a church on Stanford University’s campus. It is magnificent and breathtaking.
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Winning the Battle
I have been invited to speak on several podcasts lately, and the hosts are curious about my father and the practice of forgiveness in our home.
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Jewels or Snakes
I am thinking about Numbers 21:6-9 and the snakes again that bit and killed the thankless people of God.
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Feasting in the House of God
I flew to Cambridge, UK again with Shann. We spent time with a lovely Christian artist who wrote a song called, “We Will Feast in House of Zion.” Her name is Sandra, and she has a tender quietness…
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The Miracle of Hope
My dad loved his mother. She was the saving grace in a home full of pain and suffering. Her death profoundly influenced my dad. He became agnostic for a while because of it.
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Words of Home: This is Home
I am reading aloud a beautiful book to my mom. It is called the White Stone by Esther de Waal.
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God as Love
I have been contemplating God as Love and a God with emotions like anger. It is a deeply unsettling space. So many beautiful theologians throughout history have wrestled at this nexus.
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Words and Snakes
I read an interesting passage of scripture from the Old Testament. It is the story of the complaining Israelites who are unhappy about being in the desert.
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Immeasurably More
I love Ephesians 3:14-21 and try to pray it every day. I love to go slowly through each verse imagining the person I am praying for. It is such a beautiful prayer.
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How to be Uncommon
At a group I attended, a woman shared her story of hatred toward her stepfather. She said he verbally and emotionally abused her and made her teen years miserable.
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In Celebration of Marrying Young
Shann and I will be married for thirty-five years this June. A young man asked us if we were glad we married young in light of so many people feeling they made mistakes by marrying too soon.
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Divine Imagination
In the Bible study Shann and I are part of, this week’s task is to spend time with a 10 year vision of what God is doing in your life and what He is asking of you.
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A Simple Choice
Near Lidice, the town razed by the Nazis, the Children of Czechia invited the children of Germany to plant a rose garden. Fifty-one counties sent roses for them to plant, over 100,000 roses.
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Do Not Forget God
We visited a few World War II sites in Prague recently. We drove to the genocide site of Lidice, razed by the Germans after the assassination of Heydrich. The Nazis shot all the men behind a barn.
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My Last
I am in my 35th year of marriage. It is a lovely and loving time. We survived the first year of empty nesting after 27 years of children in the home. Now the house is very silent.
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Meditating on Comfort
There is a bridge in Prague that is one of the most famous in the world. Near one end is a metal statue, most of the others are entirely of stone.
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Heading to Tarshish
Jonah was heading away from the place God asked him to go. He was asked to go to Nineveh and call people to repentance.
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A New Legacy
What is a good father? What attributes would you list? A good listener, compassionate, thoughtful? Dad thought often about the qualities of a good father and was intentional about wanting to be a good father.
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Fulfillment
Our family line had a burning desire to be remarkable. I know my dad wrestled with this internal drive. He continuously worked to move his sense of self-worth away from achievement and into being.
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Collecting the Pieces
I love art museums. They are one of my favorite places on the planet. I can spend hours there. I love the stories behind the works of art just as well.
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The Cost of Love
One of my favorite things to do is go to a beautiful church and pray. If Shann and I are together and we are the only ones in the church, we will sing together.
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The Right Path
I recently met a man who is wrestling with his faith. He is skeptical yet wants to believe. He is reading a variety of religious texts because he fears making a wrong decision.
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Answered Prayer
My husband Shann wrote the libretto for an opera about the life of Zechariah and Elizabeth highlighting the human suffering of barrenness.
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Pondering Schism
I find myself reflecting on a troubling trend emerging within church communities. This issue revolves around the contrasting doctrinal narratives concerning God’s love and His wrath.
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Relational Errors
As human beings, we all make mistakes. Often, we unintentionally hurt those around us. While saying, “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” may provide some comfort, it doesn’t truly fix the situation.
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Closet Prayer
I love C.S. Lewis. I just read a book about his friendship and struggles with J.R.R. Tolkien. They lost some of their joy for one another toward the end of their lives.
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Co-Creativity
The NBC Team is exploring one of our core missional words – creativity. We discuss how quickly people claim they are not creative. Yet creativity is imparted to every person from God.
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Transitions
My husband Shann and I love Thursday date nights. They include a home-cooked meal together with candlelight and then an hour watching Stanford’s continuing education class by one of the top professors on the campus.
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Praying for Good Fathers
My friend had a difficult father. He was complementary but distant to her. They had limited time together. He was unfaithful to her mom. My friend still struggles with this relationship.
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Praying with Hope
I have been praying for many years for two gifts. They both were answered the same week. I laughed and cried with joy at their fulfillment. How immediately the dread lifted. What a gift!
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Creative Affirmations
Scripture tells us, “In the beginning was the word and the word was God.” I consider the coding of our DNA, I consider the world of words, the messages that speak to us day and night.
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Wintering
In Spokane, the winter strips the leaves from our deciduous trees. I notice without the garment of green, the trees appear gnarled and exposed. I think of this image as a metaphor for difficulty.
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Timeout
My dad loved timeouts. This is not a punishment and it’s unfortunate that this language is connected to punishment. Timeouts are crucial for our health, for taking a step back, and for reevaluating.
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For Goodness Sake
For New Year’s Eve, our family members selected a lovely card to write down our yearly intentions.
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Rpg
I have been signing cards recently with the acronym RPG. It’s my true north right now. When I get confused, anxious, unsure how to spend my time or focus my thoughts, it is my way forward.
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Quintiles of Life
I am currently in a Bible study that is reflecting on what God is doing in our journey on earth.
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The Outcome of Unity
At the NBC Camps Christmas party, we took red and white pipe cleaners and wound them together to make a candy cane.
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Marian Point of View
I am struck by the obedience and willingness of Mary to become the mother of Jesus. Her song of gratitude to God for this blessing stuns me.
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Which Side?
The word challenge originally meant to accuse. Have you ever been accused? I think about Christ standing on trial. Witnesses attempted to bring accusations against Him, but they kept contradicting their testimony.
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Reaching for Comfort
My husband Shann and I watched a touching movie about addiction called, “The Year of the Dog.” It speaks to how addictions enter our lives through our wounds and traumas often as a tool to cope with pain.…
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Take the Lead
My dad understood the importance of initiative. In Latin, initiative means to take the lead. We talked about initiative often.
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A Pattern of Great Parenting
Dad and I often discussed healthy relationships, especially between a father and sons or daughters. I don’t think many parents talk this way with their children.
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The Miracle of Hope
I have been praying about a few life situations for a long time. It’s easy to begin to feel discouraged because there remains no answer.
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How to Live in a Broken World
It is a serious thing Just to be alive On this fresh morning In the broken world This poem by Mary Oliver brings me back to my center. What is required of me?
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The First Habit of Atomic Love
The first habit needed to live from a place of abiding love for others is to sincerely seek God. This is the filling station. It is the source for this love to arrive and overflow.
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Atomic Relational Habits
I love James Clear’s work on “atomic habits,” and his research on how to make long lasting changes. Dad naturally understood how to build tiny daily habits that accrue over time. He lived this with his parenting.
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Listening for the Truth
One of the greatest gifts my dad had as a father was his insistence on total relational transparency regarding emotions. He wanted a home where truth reigned.
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Invisible Cathedrals
As my husband Shann and I meet with Goldenwood, this unique community not only prayerfully considers gifting but more powerful considerations.
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Missional Gifts
My husband Shann and I are part of a beautiful community of believers who participate in an organization called Goldenwood. This program is designed to realign work with love and deepest calling.
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Coming to the Table
One of our staff posted something on their social media which deeply grieved another staff member. This is always challenging. How do we handle our disagreements?
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A Sacred Moment
I opened my office drawer for a notecard and found the one I selected was already written on in my dad’s handwriting. It’s a card with a beautiful tree on the front.
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Great Challenge Paves the Way for a Great Encounter
One of my friends says a powerful prayer when something difficult or challenging happens in her life or in the lives of those she prays for.
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Desolation and the Hidden Realm
As my husband Shann and I read and pray through Hebrews every night, we are struck by the admonition to look to the invisible realm where Christ reigns, the hidden world beyond the material world.
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Healing Conversations
Dad and I had lovely conversations. He was a masterful listener and question-asker most of the time. When we had a spare moment, he might start by saying something he appreciated about my life.
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Hearing God’s Voice
Dad believed and lived that God was speaking to him. He prayed to attentively listen and hear what God was saying.
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A Time to Mourn
I am back writing Words of Hope for the remainder of the year. I took a lengthy break for several reasons. Mostly because I was sad. Grief is complex that way.
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The Discipline of Gratitude
I am keeping a gratitude timer on my phone. Every hour and a half, I check in with myself. How grateful have I been? How much news or negative thinking have I jumped into?
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Finding Hope
One of the stories Dad and I loved came from an experiment designed to see how well people can spot talent.
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Prayer as Resistance
One of the practices of contemplative prayer is eliminating prayer as performance. I consider how much poor religion gravitates toward perfection, judgment, us and them, pageantry, and power.
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Infinite Abundance
The other day I was praying through Colossians 1:9-14. I was praying about myself which is interesting because the passage is about praying for others.
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Sacred Blue Prints When Life is Hard
God has been surprising me lately. I have been meditating on these verses, “Do not be anxious about anything but through prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” I have a section in my daily…
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The Courage of Conversation
Dad and I often talked together in surprise how fearful people are to compassionately engage in difficult conversations.
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Learning from Conflict
I appreciate my dad so much because of how he dispelled the fear and chaos of conflict. Conflict can be part of a passionate life.
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Systemic Love
At the core of all systems of love is listening, mutual respect, serving others, repentance, gratitude, and joy. Health looks complete from top to bottom and bottom to top.
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The Beloved Community
I was visiting my daughter in New York City, and we stepped into a French pastry shop. Two beautiful young girls were selecting macrons with their mom.
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Systemic Trouble
I was becoming high and mighty about fathers and their need to change when my husband Shann reminded me that a critical, hateful woman will always evoke or attract men who are absent, distant, violent, oppressive, and lost.…
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Preparing Children for Faith
In this advent season, I love to read the first chapters of the Book of Luke. I am struck by John coming to prepare people for the coming of the Messiah.
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How to Pray
I have been praying for the discipline to trust the Giver of Good Gifts. I believe God loves to surprise and delight us beyond what we ask for.
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The Ugly Truth About Complaining
I find the research on complaining so powerful. Complaining or listening to complaining for thirty minutes impairs and diminishes the intellectual part of the brain. We actually lose intellect when we complain or listen to it.
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Sharing Joy
The scripture passages I read this morning had a verse that has been reverberating in my mind. “When it was time for Elizabeth to have her baby, she gave birth to a son.
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The Complexity of Grief
A friend sent me a video of their school singing the worship song, “Goodness of God” by CeCe Winans. This is the song our family sang at Dad’s celebration of life.
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The Things that Make for Peace
One of the recent devotional messages asked me to picture Jesus as He weeps over Jerusalem.
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What Voices Do We Listen To?
One of my daughters enjoys true crime podcasts. She told me of a real estate agent who sensed something was wrong with a couple that wanted to see her listing.
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Going Through
Sometimes, when I start to pray my mind wanders over the myriad of tasks I have for the day. Sometimes everywhere I turn, my mind is a space of anger and resentment.
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The Most Important Daily Decision
I recently researched the benefits of gratitude. I am still surprised how overwhelmingly transformative gratitude is to our health and wellbeing, to our relationships, and to every aspect of our life.
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Circle of Listening
I am always surprised by transformation. There are so many stories throughout history of people on a tragic trajectory until grace intervenes and changes the outcome.
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Drinking Poison
My husband Shann and I have been discussing bitterness. It’s a deceptive emotion and incredibly dangerous.
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The Path of Destruction When We Don’t Listen
I have been reading Proverbs recently. Dad loved this book of the Bible, and we talked about it often. He and I both struggle with listening.
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Ask
I have been at my parents’ place, praying where my dad prayed. I imagine him here and picture him praying.
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Beyond Crisis
I have been thinking about how crisis reveals truth. What does difficulty show about the underlying fabric of a home, marriage, business, or nation?
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Where Truth Dwells
One statement that has been thrilling my mind is this, “The natural habitat for truth is human conversation.” How we speak to others reveals how we live. So powerful!
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Reclamation Instead of Regret
I have been considering how regret is a stronger emotion than gratitude. Regret can overrun our desire for gratitude. It can invade our thoughts and interrupt our thankfulness.
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The Healing Power of Praise
I read recently that gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. It counteracts against the four most toxic emotions: envy, bitterness, regret, and depression.
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Are you listening? God is speaking.
We had a staff meditation on Psalm 4 and Philippians 4:4-8. These are some of my favorite memory verses. I am always surprised by the demands of the Psalmist, which is David in this case.
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Meditation on the Cross
A friend of mine posted on Facebook a description of the physical suffering of Jesus on the cross. I never realized the loss of blood is why water poured from his side.
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Living and Active
Da d and I would discuss why Bible classes in Christian schools and colleges were often the worst classes, boring, uninspired, didactic, and lacking. I think about this in my own life.
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Turning
We have had a vibrant fall this year. As the chlorophyll dissipates from the leaves, their true colors are revealed. The color deepens with the warm days and crisp nights.
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Naming
I have a few friends having babies soon and one of the fun parts is to learn the name. It’s amazing how children live into a name. It’s a creative act to name a child.
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Effusive Love
I drove by a sign that said, “God uses us to love people.” I have felt tremendously loved by others. My mom and dad loved me with an all-encompassing, deeply powerful love. It was so healing.
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Awakened
I met with a beautiful friend about grief . She asked me about my journey with Dad’s death and how it has affected me. “Like a major car wreck, like a life altering experience,” I explained.
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Judgmental Hiding
Sometimes I imagine Dad riding next to me in the car. We might pray together, or I will ask him a question. I loved to get his opinion on dysfunction.
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Perfect Love Casts Out Fear
My husband Shann was speaking recently to a group of people describing his life before Christ came to him with healing power.
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Philosophical Seeds
Dad always believed that philosophies would play out to reveal the best way to live. An acquaintance from church in my younger life turned his back on God. He believed that chastity was abusive and restrictive.
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One God
Sometimes we think we are God. We act like we alone know what He wants and others need to listen to us.
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Strengthened
Sometimes I wrestle with what to pray for others. I have learned that praying for something specific may not be what God wants. Instead, I study scripture. How does Paul pray? One beautiful prayer is in Ephesians.
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Facing the Unimaginable
My daughter is in her Freshman year at Pepperdine. This past week a group of senior girls were walking in a busy part of the pacific coast highway just four miles from Pepperdine when a young man lost…
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Tranquility
My dad loved spontaneity, but he also loved ceremony. He believed events required the joy of planning, the importance of tangible ways to talk about the event, and the remembrance of an event.
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Secrets
I have made my house a memory palace which is a device to help me remember things.
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Preparing or Living
I love this quote, “There are people who go on infinitely preparing for life and not living it.” I can be like this. Most of my work life and daily living revolves around preparing for an event.
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Having Faith Beyond Our Why
In our office there is a photo of my friend’s son who died recently in an accident. He is smiling and as I walk by, it looks like he is smiling at me.
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The Antidote for Sullenness
I was talking to a woman about our family’s mealtime conversation and daily spotlighting. She looked skeptical. “What if you had a sullen child who didn’t want to respond?” she asked. I was surprised for a minute.
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Let Your Heart Take Courage
With war stories and upsetting news, I believe the most powerful decision is to praise and pray. When we as followers of Christ become afraid, when we take our eyes off Jesus, we give fear power.
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Real Leverage
Dad understood leverage which can be a tough concept to grasp. In my opinion, Dad understood leverage so well on the basketball court which helped him understand the value of leverage in the home.
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Miraculous Power
My dad started a practice of letter writing at camp and for the last fifty-plus summers, student-athletes pause during the week to write a letter to a family member or key mentor.
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Handling Evil
I have heard two sermons now on the devil. They are both wildly confusing and humbling stories. The first is about Job.
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Metanoia
I love the word metanoia. It’s not necessarily a pretty word but the meaning is beautiful to me. It means a change in thinking and behaving resulting from penitence or spiritual conversion with a future orientation.
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Predicting the Future
I like to guess what will happen in the future. I would like to be a prophet. I hate to be caught unprepared.
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Forgiveness Work
I have been mediating on a sentence I wrote last week. “Dad did the work of forgiving his father.” Work is a true description of the forgiveness process.
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The Power of Story
My friend reached out to tell me about a new form of Christian counseling that involves writing out a traumatic story and walking through that story with a trained facilitator in a small group setting.
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The Sound of Freedom
One of the most misunderstood, difficult concepts on the planet is forgiveness. You can watch a YouTube video of a celebrity recommending not to forgive or forget, and another saying to forgive the unthinkable and recommending forgiveness as…
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Pageantry or Practice?
One of my dad’s favorite mentors was a man named Paul Nakai. Paul did so much to elevate our understanding of relational health.
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The Radiant Exchange
One of the questions we have been meditating on in the office is, “What do you believe God wants to help you remove or release in your life that would allow you to more freely experience His abiding…
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Handling Enemies
I read a wild verse that I hadn’t noticed before. It says, “Do not rejoice and gloat when your enemy falls, And do not let your heart be glad [in self-righteousness] when he stumbles, Or the LORD will…
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Loveless Fathers
I spoke with Mom about the miracle of my dad’s transformation from aggressive agnostic to total faith. How do these things happen? After his mom died, Dad hated God and everyone who claimed faith.
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Death is Strange
My mom’s good friend died last week. She was in her early seventies and the epitome of health. Last March, she and mom vacationed together. They lifted weights, walked every day, ate healthy, and enjoyed each other.
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How’s Your PMA?!
This summer we focused on the topic of enthusiasm. It was one of Dad’s favorite words.
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Messages to Persevere
Sometimes, I write messages to myself when I am in the middle of a crisis. I keep them as reminders that this painful moment will pass.
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Good News
Dad and I loved the story of Joseph. It is such a fascinating consideration for me. Joseph, annoying, openly, and shamelessly favored.
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Words of Hope
I love thinking about the phrase, “Words of Hope.” I meditate on each piece of the phrase. WORD – Some of my dad’s favorite scripture verses he and I memorized include this.
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The Power of Weakness
Dad loved scripture. Memorization was a big part of our lives together. We would drive and pray scripture aloud. For example, we memorized 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.
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Psalm 20
One of the first passages we all memorized as a staff was Psalm 20. It’s my go-to passage for those in distress.
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Love is in the One on One
I have had a long break from Words of Hope for various reasons. Primarily, I needed to regain my footing.
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We Croak
One of our family friends has an app that’s called “We Croak.” Seven times during the day, a small alarm goes off and a quote pops up as a reminder on how to live.
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Welcoming Mind
I am so often surprised by Jesus and I want to know more about His interactions on earth. The story that is shocking me right now is His meeting with the Samaritan woman at the well.
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Verbal Guardrails
Camp is in full swing with many moving parts and of course unforeseen challenges. Most of these come out of nowhere surprising me without warning.
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How Love Speaks
During a poetry night at our house, we played a round of “speed friendship” and then ended with the question, “Who is someone who has influenced your life for good?” One of the young men in attendance is…
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Simple
I liked how Dad spoke to me. He was a great coach because he could take a task that felt daunting and make it very achievable and simple.
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When Frustration Comes
The other day I had a few inordinately aggravating difficulties that were more irritations than problems. If you follow Words of Hope regularly, you know what that signals for me.
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Dad’s Last Podcast
I received a beautiful letter from William May who told me stories about his appreciation for my dad. He shared with me a podcast I didn’t know Dad was part of.
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Learning How to Comfort
I was cleaning out a backpack and found a staff meeting paper from March 11, 2020. This was the last time we met in person as a team before we closed the office for several months.
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Creating Culture
We have been playing a short game and praying everyday as at our office. I have been curious about building meaningful connection. How do we create mini moments of joy and wonder?
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Where There is Strife There is Pride
One meditation I have been speaking in my mind and heart is from Proverbs 13:10, “Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” Strife means to contend for superiority, quarrel…
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Memorial Day
I am feeling afraid to remember. What if I struggle to remember? What if I don’t want to think of all the white crosses and the families with an empty place at the table?
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Overflowing Hope
I am so thankful my dad called these little devotionals Words of Hope . I bless him for this.
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Love in Action
I have been finding photos of my dad when he is my age. He looks so young and healthy! I can hear him counseling me as I begin to feel myself getting uptight.
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The Secret to A Long and Happy Life
A close friend sent me a Ted Talk that is the most watched in Ted history. This talk references the longest study of adults done to date.
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Celebrating People
I found a note from my dad. Dad wrote amazing words of encouragement. He celebrated people and made me feel like I could run through a brick wall if I had to.
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Inside Out Faith
I keep thinking about many Christian churches and schools I have witnessed in my life. Here is one thing I deeply admired about my dad. He believed that Christianity should change us.
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Struggling to Ask Forgiveness
A friend of ours is doing his dissertation on the phenomenon of forgiveness asking. He is researching the experience of asking forgiveness of family, friends, and colleagues. He asked me about my experience.
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Self Control
I love thinking about the Spirit of God. The Spirit of God seems full of joy, life, and abundance.
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Setback to Comeback
I love the phrase, “A setback is a setup for a comeback.” I have been chanting this in my mind for the last few days. All the remarkable stories have this trajectory.
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The Need of a Good Father
Last night, our family attended a beautiful event combining the discussion of leadership and dance. This teaching was presented by a father/son duo.
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Disciplines
Dad greatly excelled at relational discipline. He willingly submitted to the rigor of relational well-being, investing time and attention, encouraging words, and spending quality time with those he loved. Dad also greatly excelled at spiritual discipline.
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Gratitude in Grief
Growing up my family had a daily ritual of reading Our Daily Bread every morning at the table. No matter who was staying or living at our home at the time, everyone participated.
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Peace on Earth
Recently, I had a waking vision of my dad. I was walking on the treadmill, praying through the Pray as You Go app. I saw Dad walking toward me, hugging me and welcoming me.
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Careful Listening
Dad and I struggled with listening. Shann would laugh at our conversations sometimes when we were both distracted. When present, Dad was an amazing listener. It is one of the big six qualities at NBC Camps—carefully listen.
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Time for Good News
I am often surprised by sorrow. I didn’t realize how many different shades of sadness I could experience. Small moments trigger me, and I am often triggered, especially when people say something to me about my dad.
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Easy Adjustment
Adjustment is such an important skill in relationships. I picture Dad with his injured neck. He could not easily adjust his posture or his point of view without pain.
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Relational Tipping Points
My husband Shann and I have been talking a lot about the criticism/defensiveness cycle and how insightful it is for relational health. I have found it valuable in my relationships lately.
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Slow the Bus Down
During staff prayer, we selected words we needed for our week. A few staff members chose the word, “Energy.” One of the people I love is a man named Danny Beard who worked at NBC Camps for many…
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Fair and Truthful Conversations about Faith
If we go shopping, it is almost always going to be for a book. One of the new ones we picked up was from a cute shop in London.
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The importance of Symbolism
I watched one of our friend’s post a video of his baptism. His daughter also was baptized. It’s so surprising to me what a joyous event this is. I cry every baptism I watch.
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An Inspiring Example of Listening to God’s Will
Dad loved biographies more than any other type of book. He read to me children’s stories of inspiring people. One person he loved was Florence Nightengale.
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Stories That Save Us
When you read or listen to the stories, the ones that deeply change and transform us are the ones with the great themes of life at their core. Struggle, redemption, betrayal, forgiveness, death, and resurrection.
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Redefining Success
I love that Dad worked hard to redefine success. He had to do it all his life because the temptation to place “numbers” or “money” or “fame” as the barometer of success is such a part of our…
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Easter Story
I am in love with Christianity, but I am also overwhelmed by all the trauma and bloody history this word represents.
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God is Moving Mountains
How important is hope? I can’t believe how I need it. I have five big hopeful dreams right now and they are easily toppled with a few fearful thoughts. My husband Shann is infinitely more pragmatic.
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Good Friday
One of the gifts God has given me is a reframing of what I define as good. It’s been a long life lesson. I believe the disciples learned this lesson.
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A Soul Fully Alive
I am surprised at how many men I meet who laud the fact that they don’t cry. They make it sound like it is an accomplishment.
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Devastating Beauty
My husband Shann teaches poetry for Stanford. I read one of his lessons and it was so beautiful I felt like crying. He says that courage is needed to be a poet.
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Life Changers
My dad loved people, and he built beautiful friendships. One person he loved is a man named Rachi Wortham. We just did a short video story about his life.
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Will You Forgive Me?
My dad loved the concept of forgiveness. He grew up in an abusive home with a father he did not admire and in fact deeply hated.
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Overturning
Does anger change us? Jesus opens his ministry after the wedding miracle with anger. I identify with this. Wanting to move the church with righteous indignation and sweep out all the offending people and practices.
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Wild Imagination
I have a bad habit of imagining someone else’s suffering will pass to me like a contagious disease.
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Can Love Exist Without Sacrifice?
During our mealtime conversation, my husband Shann asked how the idea of God sacrificing His son on our behalf moves us? It is a profound consideration.
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Hand Vac
Shann and I were speaking at a conference about forgiveness. It’s always amazing how everyone gets overwhelmed with this topic.
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Solid Rock
The words from the hymn, “On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand,”rang through my mind this morning. Dad loved this song. I can hear him trying to sing it.
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Sifted
I have been meditating on a few lines I heard in my devotional about Peter and the devil. Jesus says, “Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat.
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Eyes of Cain
I have been thinking about unity and violence. How does the turn happen? For Cain it is losing his joy for being in union with his brother.
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Multiplication
March 18th was the birthday of my beloved father. I have been crying on and off all week. March is our family’s birthday month, and Dad is deeply missed during this time.
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Zombie Revival
We read a gorgeous essay aloud as family members recently written by Albert Camus. He seems like a person I would have loved time with. A devout atheist who was full of gratitude and wonder.
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Forgiveness Revolution
At the conference Shann and I spoke at, we invited people to practice asking forgiveness. I role played with a woman who had been a Princeton professor for many years. Her eyes were incredibly empathetic.
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Moments of Wonder
I sit watching about 20 robins congregating in the trees. They greet each other noisily and swoop continuously between my neighbor’s tree and mine. They have bright red breasts and look so happy together.
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Best Thought
One of Dad’s favorite hymns came on when I was listening to my Pray As You Go app.
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Brave the Wind
Driving through a beautiful college campus, I notice several ugly tree stumps in the middle of the landscaped meridian. They jut sideways with sharp points. I remember these trees.
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Religion
I loved my conversation with a devout atheist on a recent flight. I think he enjoyed the conversation as well.
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Wrath
Our family recently listened to a sermon delivered on the wrath of God. If you cringe reading this, it was cringeworthy.
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Worldview
I met a devout atheist on a flight recently who loved Christopher Hitchens, a world-famous atheist. Hitchens contracted throat cancer and died denying God.
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Navigating Loneliness
I would really love to have a conversation with my dad about loneliness. I never asked him if he struggled feeling lonely. The main definition of loneliness is a feeling of being disconnected.
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Remember Me
I read an evocative post about the thief hanging on the cross. He did not get baptized. He didn’t do anything most churches classify as salvation.
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Rational
I had a beautiful opportunity on a flight to Oklahoma recently to talk with a brilliant person who memorized the poetry of GM Hopkins and John Milton when he was younger.
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The Why of Rules
I recently wrote an homage to my dad on LinkedIn highlighting a lesson he imparted to me and Jay as a great father. A few people interacted with the post.
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Lenten Season
Today marks the beginning of Lent. It’s a time that triggers strong images and memories of Dad. I can picture him walking around New York City with an ashen cross on his forehead.
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Industrious
Dad had a paper route at the age of nine. He had to be out the door early in the morning, as early as 5:00 am. Anacortes is built on a hill.
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Presidents Day
My dad LOVED reading biographies and one of his favorites was John Adams by David McCollough.
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Tgbtg
Dad loved acronyms. He had a million different ones he used often. My newest favorite is from my brother Jay. He texted a response TGBTG which stands for To God Be The Glory.
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Enough
I have been reading my dad’s Words of Hope messages lately. I was surprised to find one in April of 2021 where my dad wrote, “My promise for 2021 is just to live in the reality that enough…
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Navigating Resentment
I have been pondering a message Brene Brown gave on resentment. She explains that resentment stems from envy rather than anger. This would have been an incredible conversation with Dad. I imagine our dialogue.
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Sincere Devotion
It is Valentine’s Day, a day most people focus on romantic love. However, the namesake for this day was deeply devoted to so much more than romantic love.
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Good News
Dad and I memorized a beautiful poem by Wendell Berry. One of the poignant lines says, “when despair for the world grows in me…” Despair is the opposite of hope.
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Miracle Life
A friend of mine told me she heard about my dad’s love for calling people “a miracle.” She began to do this as a substitute teacher in a Western Washington school district.
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Able to Move
Our family liked to tease Dad that he would be peaceful hearing about his car being wrecked but enraged about five crumbs on the table.
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Dark Ages
I just finished a historical book on Florence. After reading it, I felt compelled to write an unfavorable review. I usually never write unfavorable reviews because I like to give others the benefit of the doubt.
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Seeds of Faith
Some of my daughter’s friends are incredibly kind and remarkable people. They do not know what they believe about faith. They are curious but feel inadequate in the face of deciding what to believe.
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Tomorrow!
I am reading a historical novel about Quebec set in 1697. The author, one of my favorites, did extensive research for this book.
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Dad’s Favorite Number
Dad loved the Trinity. He literally was ecstatic about the community and unity of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Because of his deep love for this, one of his favorite numbers was three.
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At All Times
I have been meditating on the first part of Psalm 34:1, “I will bless the Lord at all times.” I consider the words, “at all times.” This is a topic Dad and I discussed often.
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The Lord
I continue my meditation of the first verse in Psalm 34. The beginning of the verse says, “I will bless the Lord at all times.” I consider the word “the” and how important this small word is in…
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I Will Bless
One of my favorite passages of scripture is Psalm 34. What a psalm of solace! Dad and I would pray each word, meditating on it.
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Interior Garden
I have been thinking about the Fall and the Garden of Eden, specifically what was lost in our relationship with God and with each other.
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Extremes
My husband Shann and I took a class together when he was getting his PhD in clinical psychology. It was a religion class taught at the university.
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Focal Point
My best frame of mind comes from meditation on gratitude and the truth that I belong to God. Every time I draw my attention away from these focal points I wind up off balance.
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Discipline
I am thankful that my dad instilled in me the discipline of scripture memory. I have been memorizing in earnest since 2005 and have had about 450-550 working verses.
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Fervor
I listened to a sermon recently on Galatians. The pastor had worked himself up into a zealous fervor decrying the current times. Then he addressed sins, especially of the culture he was desperately trying to fight against.
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Godly Boundaries
I have been learning about boundaries. They are incredibly challenging and require discernment. You can see the problem of lack of boundaries in politics.
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The Greatest Work of Art
Our family had our nightly mealtime conversation and Bella, my youngest, offered up the elegant question for the night.
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Provocation
My husband Shann has been researching angels for a novel he is working on. He recently texted me a few verses from Exodus 23.
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Miracle of Grace
My husband Shann and I watched a modern-day movie fable attempting to show the calamity of friendships and families that lead to war.
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Selfish Ambition Disguised as Evangelism
I watched a video of a woman sitting down with two college students. Her intent was to share the gospel. They recorded their conversation.
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Honoring MLK
Shann was an A student but not a real reader when I met him and now he teaches in the PhD department of Gonzaga’s Leadership program reading 250+ paged dissertations.
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Wrong Direction
My car was turned the wrong direction when we were leaving the house. It was facing the direction leading to my mom and dad’s home.
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Prepare When Life is Calm
a. Who is my mentor? Who can I call for wisdom and objectively wise counsel when I encounter a crisis next year? b. What are the character traits I want for my life in crisis?
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When Not If
I’ve written the blogs for NBC Basketball for almost twenty years now. In August 2019, I wrote the following blog—Are you prepared for the unexpected?
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Greetings and Partings
My husband Shann and I often celebrate that we live in the Golden Age of research. We can communicate to anyone, regardless of philosophy or religion, what truly works and what does not.
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Emotional Discernment
I admire how my dad navigated his emotions. He grew very calm under duress. When others became aggressive, he became clearer-headed. He slowed down, spoke less, and listened more attentively.
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Preeminence
Team chemistry is vital to becoming a championship-level team. Researchers have found the importance of both task chemistry and social chemistry. Task chemistry is a requirement for success.
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Intentions
Dad loved the promise of the new year. He loved journals, plans, and renewal. Yesterday, on New Year’s Day, a group of us gathered around the table to discuss how to enter 2023 with intention.
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What time is it?
My daughter traveled to Melbourne for her college roommate’s wedding. She left the afternoon of Christmas Eve because flights were astronomical any other time.
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God
I follow a physics Facebook page as Shann and I are both interested in quantum physics.
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Friends
My friend Luska and her daughters traveled to Spokane to spend Christmas with us. Luska is originally from London, and we met at Silver Lake after she attended camp in England.
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Repeat the Sounding Joy
We love Christmas music at the Ferch house. One of my new favorites is Aretha Franklin’s “Joy to the World.” I just heard it for the first time this year.
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Spark of imagination
One of my dad’s favorite mentors was a man named Paul Nakai. He is a top leadership expert who helped advise after the space shuttle Challenger disaster as well as Three Mile Island accident.
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Christmas Intention
The world outside my window is covered in snow, the trees flocked with hoarfrost. A palpable stillness descends with the snow. I have a quiet, almost solemn but still joyful feeling as I look out in wonder.
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Community of Trust
At NBC Camps, our team often talks about creating true community together. We discuss the difference between health and toxicity. At the root of toxicity is contempt, criticism, defensiveness, or stonewalling.
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Stalwart
I love words and the word stalwart isn’t a common one, though it should be. Stalwart is a synonym for stable, committed, foundational, and secure.
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No Grumbling
This is a strange time to be alive. There is a zeitgeist moving that is full of portent like a mighty storm brewing. I believe the Lord is near though I am not sure what that means.
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Envy Observed
It’s basketball season. The starting lineups have been announced and I consider all the students who don’t make the starting five.
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Basketball Healers
Dad was a basketball healer. He knew how to bring repair and healing to teams who were divided or despairing. Not many people describe someone as a basketball healer.
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The Temptation of Pain
Pain is tricky. It makes people uncomfortable. Pain can cause us to make the wrong decisions. I love the training of Ignatius of Loyola who cautions never to make decisions in our pain.
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Together
A passage of scripture blew my mind this week. The writer of Hebrews is describing so many beautiful men and women of the faith; some who changed the trajectory of nations, some who won miraculous victories, some who…
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Running the Race
I recently listened to the Pray as You Go app, and the scripture passage was from Hebrews.
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Time Intolerable
Grief continues to surprise me. The other night I missed Dad so much I just lay on my bed crying for a while. The pain of his loss felt like a sharp dagger.
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Listen for the Blessing
I like to talk. Sadly, I often talk too much, and about the wrong thing. This hurts my relationship with my family. I say something that is judgmental, fearful, or just plain bothersome.
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Delight in Difficulty
One of the hardest lessons I have learned is the discipline to delight in difficulty. Our NBC Central office team has been practicing this for almost 10 years, but it still is not easy or natural.
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A Life of Peace or Fear
I have a dreadful notion that arises now and then of God as a punisher. As soon as it comes, I remember one of the most consistent messages in the Bible, “Do not fear.” There are many different…
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Practice Gratitude
Practicing gratitude was one of the most important disciplines for my dad. Gratitude for God, for life, and for people were his intentional and pursued disciplines. I call gratitude a discipline because it is a habitual mindset.
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The Magnificent One
There is a Webb Space photograph that has captured my imagination. It appears to be a huge hand lifted like an artist moving the stars into place. The mentor for C.S.
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The Big Six
Dad loved acronyms and teaching slogans. One of his favorites was called the Big Six. These were the must-have, go-to moves for basketball players.
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The Importance of Conflict
I am very quick to emotion. I cry, rejoice fully, and get angry quickly. My husband Shann is cool and calm. If you want to have fun on a Disney ride, you want to go with me.
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Gentle Impact
I read a brilliant insight from the Gottman Marriage Minute. What I love about John Gottman’s research is that it is immediately applicable to any relationship. Need a better relationship with your child?
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Love in Public
I heard a beautiful quote that justice is love in public. What does loving look like? How much does my desire for love become thwarted by my own dysfunction and aspire for control?
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Remembering Veterans Day
I read a short story about a firsthand account of the suffering in Iraq aloud to Mom and Dad. Afterward, they read the rest of the book.
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The Kingdom of God is Now
I was praying about what to write in Words of Hope and I kept feeling asked to write the Kingdom of God is now.
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Modern Day Pilgrim’s Progress
If you read my Dad’s Words of Hope you will see how much he cared for those going through depression or cancer.
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Cities
I have been fortunate enough to visit many cities around the world such as Cape Town, Barcelona, and Prague. Each city has its own vibe and story. You can see it on the faces of the people.
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Ambition
I have been wrestling with the word ambition. The definition of it makes it more complex. In some definitions it says ambition means “aspiration, intention, goal and aim.” These are worthy words.
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Oklahoma City
Oklahoma City is not my favorite in terms of beauty. The water is brown, much of the city is worn down and the tree in our Spokane backyard is prettier than the entire urban sprawl.
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Culture Wars
I have frustration at the hypocrisy and moralism of certain forms of Christianity in America’s extreme right. Men measuring the skirts of young girls and calling these young women sinners is appalling.
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Fiery Furnace
My youngest child Bella and I only have a few months left together before she launches off to college and a brand-new life. We do a devotional together each day.
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Losing My Head
My husband Shann and I had a bit of a spat in Oklahoma City after our daughter’s junior recital. After all the planning, there was an issue with the video recording of the event.
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Banquet Table
My dad deeply loved Psalm 23. He meditated on it often. As I read C.S. Lewis’s Reflections on the Psalms , he brings attention to something I haven’t considered.
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On Writing Words of Hope
A very sweet friend took me to lunch. She has been so kind in sending encouragement after a Words of Hope message she resonated with. As we met for lunch, she asked me about the writing process.
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An Elegant Question
During date night, Shann asked me an elegant question. In the metaphor of sowing and reaping, he asked what two seeds I am thankful I am planting in my life.
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Worth the Pain
I have been missing Dad so much lately. I walked by a neighborhood bench where he liked to sit and pray and shocked myself by bursting into tears. They came without warning.
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A + B = C
In math, A + B normally should equal C. In life, the same should happen. A loving home will produce loving kids. However, this is not always the case.
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Truth or Hypocrisy Awakened
I recently watched a movie about a man who demands a perfect world to the point he abuses others to achieve it. Perfection is so seductive.
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Set the Table
Dad loved the phrase, “Set the Table.” For him, it was a call to action for those in leadership to provide a space for true community and transformation to occur.
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What Goes Around Comes Around
In C.S. Lewis’s Reflections on the Psalms he addresses a topic I have struggled with. What do we do with the Psalms that pray down wrath on enemies?
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Right Intuition and False Suggestion
I am reading Swiss Reformed medical doctor Paul Tournier. He writes that neurosis is the division of right intuition and false suggestion. I see this easily in myself.
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God Exists
We have a quote on our fridge by one of the best poets in the world, Li Young Li, who says, “I don’t have faith that God exists, since I experience God enough to know that God exists…
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An Admirable Faith
Shann and I have an elegant conversation every evening. We sit together looking out a window or sitting on a porch. We hold hands and start with gratitude for each other.
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Eternal Joy
I recently visited Oklahoma to support my daughter Ari who was playing Margo in Bright Star the musical. While I was there, I sat in a chair my dad had sat in five years earlier.
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Energy Crisis
Dad and I often discussed energy. Navigating cancer requires tremendous energy expenditures, which results in less energy for other aspects of life.
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Dangerous Tendencies
Dad wanted to be wise about tendencies to make the wrong response in crisis. He believed becoming wise about how we handle stress and crisis is an important consideration, especially if there is trauma in the family history.…
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Accused and Accuser
Jesus always touches me. I am reading about His interaction with the Pharisees and the woman caught in adultery. He takes a woman who had done wrong. She was morally guilty, and He showed her forgiveness.
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Never Outwitted
I have been mulling over a scripture verse for the last two weeks. It says, “I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us.
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The Danger of Must
I recently wrote a piece about Dad being an amazing culture changer and described with intensity a father who neglects his daughter and a mother who criticizes hers.
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Culture Changer
Dad was a culture changer. He envisioned a home with a true loving, present father who asked forgiveness of his children and encouraged dialogue even if there was disagreement. Not many homes have this.
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Skilled Parents
Parenting is hard. What makes matters worse is that people often don’t work to figure out how to be skilled as a parent.
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Speed Friendship
Our family has a fun mealtime activity called “Speed Friendship.” We ask a question and quickly find out more about whoever is at the table. Examples of questions we might ask are: · Favorite color to wear?
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Relational Joy
I read recently that researchers have discovered a connection between relational joy in your fifties and wellbeing and flourishing health in your eighties.
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A More Transformative Perspective
In the last two Words of Hope, I have been sharing about a presentation Shann and I heard during our prayer retreat.
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God’s Heartbreak
Shann and I were part of a prayer retreat recently. Each day had two or three presenters.
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Heartbreak
Recently Shann and I participated in a contemplative prayer retreat. One of the beautiful and elegant questions asked was, “What breaks your heart?” One of the things that breaks my heart is a child without a loving, present…
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Joan of Arc Hope
I find Dad’s title, “Words of Hope,” so crucial during difficult times. I say difficult times because I feel a deep battle raging in the world — one between joy and despair, community and division, and peace and…
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Counsel of Equals
Dad and I had an important mentor who had helped with the Challenger Space Shuttle disaster as a consultant in the aftermath of the tragedy.
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Words of Love: The Source of Love
A friend asked me the other day why I thought Dad was so dynamic and incredibly loving to others. He told me he doesn’t know anyone like my Dad, who knew and cared about so many people.
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Dramatic Transformation
My father-in-law was on a generational pattern of self-sabotage. He came from no education, alcoholism, wasted living, and deeply troubled relationships.
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Facing the Year of Fear
On March 11, 2020, we received news the March Basketball Tournament was closing. Games were canceled across the country. We met as a staff in the conference room for the last time.
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Priceless Words
I found a letter from my Dad to Natalya, my oldest. (I know the proper way to write “my dad” is lowercase, but I think of my Dad as grander, more significant, and worthy of a capital D…
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Self-Responsible Leadership
Dad loved parenting, and he was a fantastic Dad. He and Mom taught Shann and me so much about the daily habits of being a meaningful parent.
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Caretaker
I asked Mom what she would like to say in Words of Hope as my Dad’s caretaker for over twelve years. I think caretaking might be even more grueling than having cancer.
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Hey Dad
When I was younger, I loved to yell, “Hey, Dad, what would you give me if I make this shot?” One of the biggest wagers we made was at Silver Lake.
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Essential Art
Last year we were in NYC to commemorate the twentieth anniversary of 9/11. We were with some friends who are artists. For me, art is truly the only way I can process tragedies.
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The Miraculous Soul
Probably the phrase most people associate with my Dad is, “You are a miracle.” I remember when he started to change his perspective from seeing big crowds of people with irritation to wonder and gratitude.
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God’s Mighty Ones
My husband Shann is studying angelology for a writing project. What an incredible word, angelology—the study of angels. I read that 90 percent of people believed in angels in 2011.
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Dogging Dogmatism Part 2
Yesterday, I wrote about my Dad’s response to people aggressively purporting their beliefs. Dad’s navigation of dogmatism greatly influenced me.
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Dogging Dogmatism Part 1
Dad had an expansive faith. He rooted his faith in both firm convictions and deepest wonder and awe. One of his good friends has strong opinions about faith, so absolute and dogmatic.
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Labor Day
My Dad loved hard work. He had a paper route at the age of nine. I visited Dad’s hometown this summer to watch one of our amazing directors.
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The Power of Liking
Shann and I subscribe to the Gottman Marriage minute. It’s a perfect, short reminder with simple steps to improve relationships.
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Intensity Considered
Many of you who read Words of Hope know my Dad. Maybe some of you have never met him.
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Provoked
When Dad was younger, he could easily provoke people into frustration. He loved to induce people to anger, especially on the basketball court.
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Bitterness Considered
I was rereading Dad’s Words of Hope on anxiety he wrote on April 21, 2021. He discusses lessons learned from nurse Laurie who served with Hospice for many years.
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The Wisdom of Sorrow
I recently went to a memorial, and one of the main verses was Ecclesiastes 7:2. I took time to look at this verse in various translations.
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Absent-Minded Wisdom
I was traveling through the Denver airport recently when I noticed I was drinking from a bottle that wasn’t mine.
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Love Without Return
My Dad valued people from all walks of life. He thanked and honored those many would overlook. He believed in leaving places better than when you found them. He honored janitors and housekeeping staff.
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Good Judgment
If you fly to Oklahoma City, you will see a famous quote by Will Rogers: “Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” Dad was a phenomenal teacher of good judgment for…
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Anxiety Healed
Shann is a forgiveness researcher. I was listening to a lecture in which he enumerated the physical benefits of forgiveness— a more robust immune system, lower heart disease, lower cancer, lower autoimmune diseases, and lower anxiety, to name…
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Suffering Observed
When my Dad was ill during the last weeks of his life, he mostly lay on his back. His cancer treatment medication caused him to gain weight rapidly through the 12-plus years he was on it.
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Back to Basics
When I feel the deep ache of loss and start feeling sad about Dad being gone, I go back to the fundamentals. I go back to the basics; Dad taught: solitude and gratitude.
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Learned Contentment
Contentment has been a hard-fought lesson for me and also for Dad. He wrestled with finding contentment even in illness. I have been on a long journey as a student of contentment.
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Loneliness Observed Part 2
I met “Margo” at camp. She loved hoops and baggy shorts and had a cutting-edge fashion style. She found her mother dead when she was a very young child.
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Loneliness Observed
My grandmother grew up in a severely austere home. Her mother did not believe in affection and ruled her family with a no-nonsense mentality.
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Escaping the External Illusion
One of the helpful learning lessons Dad and I received was the conscious decision to move out of the external illusion. Consider a man named Richard Smith. His first family knew and called him Dick Smith.
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The Slippery Slope of Crisis
One February, we lost our cat, Crystal. She never came home. I was devastated. I held to the fantasy she would be found at a pet shelter. I was grieving but not attending to my sorrow.
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A beautiful death
Today is the anniversary of my Dad’s death. Our family is traveling together. Mom and Dad’s house, where he passed away, has been sold. I wanted to get out of town.
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The World Will Know
I have moved to Spokane three times in my life. It has the largest urban waterfall of any North American city—such an incredible place to live!
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Refuse Being Tragic (RBT)
Dad and Jay love the phrase POSP, which was an acronym for “P—on Self Pity.” My grandmother was very British, and I don’t love the P— word.
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Secret Sauce
One of the best skills Dad gave our family was the family meeting. Before an event, this meeting time was crucial to outline the expectations of the family and each other.
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Eyes That See the Need
Dad and I often wondered why people work and live together without knowing each other. This distance creates a supreme sense of loneliness. Proximity without intimacy. Habitation without a home.
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Love Wins
One of my favorite lines in scripture says—“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” It’s located in two passages; Dad and I memorized Psalm 20 and Psalm 37.
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Acquainted with Grief
We are approaching the one-year anniversary of my Dad’s death. I can feel the sorrow rising in me. I am quick to tears; my bones feel heavy, and my sleep is more troubled.
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Stiff Necks
Dad and I liked to take a sermon or scripture and understand it as well as we could.
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Sing Until the Miracle Comes
I keep a few old gratitude journals on my desk that I review from time to time. Today I read about an overnight trip my daughter Ari took with her class six years ago.
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Repair
Dad and I had many conversations about the attraction to cut-off relationships by not speaking to someone or vilifying others, a tendency to build up resentment. A situation recently arose between a few people I know.
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Giving Hope
I heard from two people last week that Dad’s “Words of Hope” book brought people comfort. One person gave the book to a family who lost a teenage son to suicide.
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Days of Plenty
My middle daughter, Ariana, is playing at the professional summer theatre in Coeur d’ Alene in Little Women the Musical.
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The Gift of a Good Father
My friend told me, “I didn’t have a dad like yours. He left our family through an affair and wanted to reconcile later in life.
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Life-Giving Presence
Someone asked me how I was doing with my Dad’s death. I told her, “Honestly, it is much more painful than I thought.
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Confident and Compassionate Disagreement
Shann and I recently discussed how family issues become more difficult because many fear disagreements and conflicts. We have very few examples of people navigating disputes with health and compassion.
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The Best Medicine
Shann is genuinely a happy person. He is cheerful, lighthearted, and never moody or depressed. He sings daily and is genuinely a joy to be married to.
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Condemning the Guiltless
I love listening to the Pray as You Go app. The other day one of the scriptures asked us to ponder the story of Jesus talking with the Pharisees.
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Reconciling All Things
My oldest daughter and her husband, Tim, came to town, and on our last day together, we asked, “What is one way you see the beauty of the mystery of Christ in your marriage?” One of my favorite…
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Relational Laziness
Dad worked on relationships. Scott Peck, who wrote a bestselling book, “The Road Less Travelled,” discussed how laziness, in his opinion, is the biggest obstacle to love. I see that in my life.
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Do the Difficult
I had another dream of Dad. I saw him walking with mom into the door of the church where we hold the NBC musical theatre camp.
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Love’s Discipline
Shann teaches poetry at Stanford, and our family is doing the lectures and lessons together. I can’t believe how incredible this experience has been. I have been a lousy student.
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Minor Adjustments
Dad loved unity, and he didn’t like disagreement. He also was a fierce competitor. Our family could get into heated disputes around politics, news, or even card games.
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When Problems Compound
One of the great gifts from my Dad was the discipline to write each day in a gratitude journal. At NBC Camps, we say daily habits reveal our future success.
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Admirable Faith
My dear friend Josh met Dad in Hawaii. Josh brought his daughter to camp and spent the days watching the coaches and observing. He had drifted away from God, his family, and his life purpose.
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The Anchor and the Cross
A friend of mine called me. Her daughter lost her fiancé in a devasting accident a few months before their wedding. This grief feels unbearable to me.
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Clothe Yourselves
One of my dad’s favorite scriptures was Colossians 3:12-17. It starts, “Therefore as God’s chosen people holy and dearly loved, clothe yourself with compassion… Dad loved imagining clothing himself with these intangible qualities.
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Surprised by Joy
I had been dreading Father’s Day. I woke up on Father’s Day, assuming it would be a bone-crushing day of sorrow, but it wasn’t. I left deep gratitude for my Dad and felt very close to him.
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The Highest Goals
My Dad was incredibly pragmatic. He was a genius at making complex concepts simple and easy to understand.
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The Choice of a Beautiful Life
Dad LOVED slogans—he had hundreds. One of his favorites was, “You win or lose by the way you choose.” This phrase has been on my mind each morning—a simple decision.
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Whose Job
Growing up, Dad was assigned family jobs. Mine was to haul wood to the basement every Saturday and clean up after the dog. This last task wasn’t easy.
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Proof is in the Pudding
When we ask forgiveness without change, we commit further harm. Teresa was an angry parent.
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An Elegant Question
Dad taught our family that we cheat the forgiveness asking process when we fail to resolve our conflicts or disagreements using language that does not address adequate resolution.
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Forgiveness Overload
Dad believed we nullify forgiveness and cause pain rather than healing when we ask the other to forgive too much at one time. “I cheated on you for the last twenty years.
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Great People Talk About Ideas
Our family likes meaningful conversation. Years ago, we heard the quote, great people talk about ideas, mediocre people talk about things, and small people talk about others. Wow! What a great model for daily family conversation.
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Learning to Forgive
Dad and I often talked about bitterness and the drive to live in fracture with others. It’s incredible how generational resentment perpetuates—mother cut off from daughter, father from son. Forgiveness is a challenging and noble task.
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Flooding
Dad and I loved to talk about relationships. Especially how they can be improved. He loved John Gottman and even met with him personally.
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Celebration of Life
Thank you so much for coming to the celebration of life! For those unable to attend the Fred Crowell Celebration of Life, here is the video of the event: Fred Crowell Celebration of Life Opening Welcome and prayer…
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Can You Feel the Peace?
At the celebration of life, we had a video of my Dad talking about peace and the importance of pursuing peace.
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Power Tool
Forgiveness requires discernment and wisdom for it to bring healing. Forgiveness can happen through the power of the written word, a glance, a touch, a look.
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Daily Relational Clean-up
Dad had the gift of reading the Bible and making the words immediately practical and healing. He believed Christianity should make us more like Christ–more loving, forgiving, generous, and full of joy.
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The First to Apologize is the Bravest
The ancient parable entitled “ The Wager” by some is an old tale of selfishness and refusal to change with counterparts of the same theme told worldwide. It reveals our demand to be correct.
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The Generational Journey
When I first met Shann’s father Tom, he seemed very distant. We would enter the house after having traveled far to get there, and Tom would remain on the couch and give us a two-finger greeting while continuing…
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The Forgiveness Journey- Part 2
One of my Dad’s and my favorite writers, Henri Nouwen writes, “Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly.
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The Forgiveness Journey- Part One
Forgiveness is the willingness to start a journey by faith with the hope what currently feels impossible will become possible. We often drove to Edmonton, Alberta, from Spokane when Shann and I were newly married.
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Dad’s Great Gift
Of all the things my dad taught, one of my favorite and the most powerful has been forgiveness. Because of Dad’s influence, Shann became a researcher on forgiveness.
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Loving what the Beloved Loves
Shann loves loud music. He likes to feel the sound and hear the music throughout his entire body. I don’t love loud music. It is a trigger of anxious feelings in me. Dad hated loud music.
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RPE4FJC
My brother and I made some rocks to give at the Celebration of Life with the letters RPE4FJC. RPE stands for Relentless Pursuit of Excellence-one of Dad’s favorite reminders. Excellence means greatness or distinction, to tower above.
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Always
I cannot express how grateful I am that my Dad was a student of loving well. He made it his life mission to love God and love people.
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The Choice
Getting ready for the Celebration of Life was difficult and joyful. As our family gathered together to sing, we could feel the tensions and emotions rising.
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A Life of Hope
When I look back on my Dad’s Words of Hope, I am proud of the work he did, which wasn’t so much the words of hope he wrote but the words of hope he lived.
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Memorial Day
In the book of John, we have this definition of love, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lays his life down for his friends.” In this brief definition, we have the image of love involving…
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How’s Your PMA
One of the most famous lines at NBC Camps was a question Dad asked. He would ask the campers, “How’s your PMA?” They would jump up and respond, “Boy, am I enthusiastic.” PMA stands for positive mental attitude…
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Memory Palace
Dad and I loved to memorize. One of the best gifts he gave me was my passion for memorizing scripture and poetry.
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Daily Grace
I am reading Ulysses by James Joyce. Truly not the easiest read but entertaining nonetheless.
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Compelled by fear or love?
I read about a twin separated from her sister for years. Her grandmother lost her in a crowded market in Korea when she was quite young. Though her family searched for her, they never found her.
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The Psalm 1 Tree
I recently asked what is bringing someone joy lately, and he responded by learning about trees. He said with all the latest advances in forestry, so much is being learned about trees no one knew before.
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Building a Loving Home
When Shann and I had three daughters, we imagined a home full of love and joy for one another. How could we make this dream a reality?
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Revelation
I read a statement, “Zealous judgment closes us off from revelation.” This statement would have immediately caused me to pick up the phone and call my Dad.
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Celebration of Life
My Dad’s celebration of life is nearing. I look forward to honoring the life of my Dad. Dad loved parties because he loved people.
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Where Your Treasure Is
A huge table in the center of our kitchen seats twelve people comfortably. This table is the focal point of our home, a place to eat, play, and write.
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Moralism or Morality
I am reading about the form versus the formless. Dad and I discussed this often. He had a big journey in his life toward understanding this concept.
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Praying for Others
Prayer always amazes me. I can fall in love with praying and get discouraged because my prayers don’t “turn out” the way I want.
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A Barometer of Health
Dad believed one of the most telling ways for us to observe if we love well was to examine the quality of our relationships. Relationships reveal how we love one another.
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Ego Dying
One thing I have been marveling at since my father’s death is the realization of grief. I feel I am awakening into the color of grief as distinguishable from despair, loneliness, and anguish.
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Ignatian Contemplative Prayer
Our family loves Ignatian contemplative prayer. You listen to the passage and imagine yourself in the story. Recently, we experienced a prayer session together on the Good Samaritan.
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The Negative Spiral
One of my favorite times with Dad was to discuss poor coaching or poor parenting as they share similarities. Dad had incredible insights into how we contribute to the unconscious dissolution of a team or family.
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In the Beginning Was the Word
Shann taught poetry at Princeton Theological Seminary’s Center for Contemplative Leadership. He discussed the power of words. How much power does a word hold? The power to silence, to encourage, to destroy, to heal. In Ursula K.
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Retribution
Being a basketball coach, my Dad studied momentum. He analyzed how teams and coaches responded to mistakes and difficulties. He often asked, when crisis strikes, how does a family or business, or country respond?
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You said. I Believe.
CeCe Winans song Believe For It heals me. She has a bridge where she sings, “You said. I believe. You said it is done.” I love considering this. The great faith that amazed Jesus.
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Light in the darkness
We watched an evocative movie the other day. It was a modern parallel of the road to Calvary.
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People of The Lie
Ravi Zacharias, one of the greatest theologians and apologists in modern memory, had an incredible ministry by all outward appearances. Dad and I LOVED Ravi. We listened to his talks and marveled at his oratory power.
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Only Seven Seconds
Shann and Bella had a late-night this week, and I was alone in the house for the first time in a while. I sat on the couch watching the sunset.
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Atypical marriage
One quality I admire about my Dad is that he did not speak poorly or negatively about my Mom. He worked hard to root out criticism. He believed that criticism is poison to relationships.
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Ferch Church
When I was growing up, Dad made time with God something sacred, intentional, and interesting. He hated the idea of church or discussion about God being boring.
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True testimony
I celebrated Easter at my Mom and Dad’s church. It was my Mom’s first Easter without Dad.
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Unseen prayers
Mom and I met to discuss Dad’s celebration of life with a beautiful person helping coordinate the day. While there, we bumped into a long-time friend who has been on a brutal journey navigating cancer.
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Contentment Mindset
When I think about the many things Dad taught me, contentment is one of the most crucial. Contentment is the state of living where we are peaceful and, for the moment, happy.
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A Better Person
The slogan for NBC Camps is better players, better people. Dad and I talked about relentlessly pursuing excellence in life without leading to perfectionism and burnout.
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Father Kolbe
Dad and I loved to read stories of inspiring people. One day, I felt sorry for myself and justified my frustration and irritation with life.
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Heaven
I can’t fully express my gratitude for having such a fantastic Dad. He was incredible with people, and he always had time for me—how did he do this?
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Thy Will Be Done
Dad loved Easter and Good Friday. Dad loved the stations of the cross and would meditate at each spot. He especially loved the stations of the cross at the Grotto in Portland.
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He’s Alive
One of the first concerts I attended was in Birmingham, Alabama. It was Don Francisco live. My mom and Dad took me to the show. We loved his music, and my all-time favorite song was He’s Alive.
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Unafraid
My Mom and I went to tea the other day and talked about Dad. This journey of grief is new for me. I want to support my Mom but find my sorrow overwhelming me in the process.
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The Gift of Friendship
Shann has a beautiful coffee table book that just came out on Amazon in collaboration with his artist friend, Craig Hergert.
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A Novel Point of View
Dad and I loved to read. I am currently reading Graham Greene’s book, The Ministry of Fear. Greene was a masterful writer and author of one of our favorite books, called The Power and the Glory.
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Heart Change or Change of Heart
I miss Dad’s amazing advice. He often had remarkable wisdom. He told me creativity is powerful work. The work, each one of us, are called to do for our lives is a gift and a calling.
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The Art of Love
Dad thought outside the box as a basketball coach and had insightful ways to keep students engaged.
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Thick Skin
Dad and I struggled with thin skin at times. We love people and want to be loved. Dad often encouraged me to have tough skin with a soft heart. I wrote down his advice.
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Start with the Necessary
Dad and I loved Francis of Assisi. He is one of my favorite people. One of the quotes I love is, “Start by doing what is necessary; then do what’s possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”…
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Discerning the Why
I love to ask why. I spoke to Dad in person or on the phone every day, and my favorite thing was to ask him his opinion on the inner machinations of marriages, teams, and people.
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April Fools
When I was in high school, my Dad began to play April Fool’s jokes which were never quite funny to anyone but him.
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Garden
As I plan for Dad’s Celebration of Life, the person helping me organize the décor told me that because the stage is large, she imagined we could make it like a garden and asked if my Dad liked…
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The Body Remembers
One day, I was wiping down the bathroom sink. Focused and intensely absorbed in my work, I didn’t hear my oldest daughter Natalya come into the room. She came up behind me and hugged me.
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March Madness
Dad and I liked to play solitary card games while racing against each other. Our favorite was kings in the corner. These games are addictive—just one more game.
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Fear of Being Taken In
Years ago, one of our dear friends had a church interview to lead a small group, and it had a level of harshness that surprised us all.
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Prayer Sisters
Today is my middle daughter Ariana’s birthday. She has the last birthday in four weeks of March birthdays to celebrate in our family. When she was four months old, she stopped gaining weight.
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Armed and Resolute Wickedness
Dad and I loved March Madness—mainly because it was fun to coach and critique the teams. We were often negative spectators, so Shann had to put us in our place when we became too harsh or pessimistic.
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Forgiveness is Divine
I heard a woman share the gospel, and it was truly an inspired gift. She connected the oil spill image off the Gulf of Mexico in Texas, where hundreds of thousands of birds were carefully washed and cleaned…
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Hurting people hurt others
We traveled to NYC recently, and our family watched the MJ musical highlighting the life of Michael Jackson. It has been met with controversy, and some people have decided to boycott the show in protestation.
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Bright Star
My brother and I are planning my Dad’s Celebration of Life. Dad loved short phrases and slogans, so I love to call his memorial day Dad’s COL.
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Messenger
Today is my Dad’s birthday. Do I write that it would have been his 80th or that it is his 80th birthday? I will say it is Dad’s 80th birthday.
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Our Present Darkness
I am reading Czech writer Bohumil Hrabal’s novella, Too Loud a Solitude . Hrabal experienced not only the horrors of the Nazi occupation of Prague but also the dark years of communism under Soviet Russia.
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Prayer
My Dad and I loved to pray together, and I learned so much about prayer from him. I have been on a journey to understand prayer myself and find I am more in love with prayer each year.…
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Next Steps
The news of Ukraine and Russia is everywhere, with images of war, suffering, and trauma. Just watching it is unsettling to a high degree. It can overwhelm.
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Dust to Dust
I am surprised by my lethargy around the death of my Dad. It really has taken the wind out of me.
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Mapping out Trauma Triggers
Trauma triggers happen when you have had something difficult happen in your life–for example, a car wreck.
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Marriage Experts
My parents were married for 58 years, and they deeply admired and loved each other. They worked hard to root out bitterness, detachment, infidelity, and dislike.
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Tears of Christ
Watching the war in Ukraine has been devasting. The cruelty of Putin, the shocking images of destruction, the terror that feels palpable around the globe.
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Kintsugi
One of the reasons to travel to Mumbai was the opportunity to work with amazing artists to bring Kintsugi experience to social service workers, pastors, and counselors.
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Small Whisper
This was my first birthday without my Dad with me in person. Birthdays always involved dinner together with a beautiful mealtime conversation.
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Bitterness to Healing
We often drove to Edmonton, Alberta, from Spokane when Shann and I were newly married. This long road trip afforded us hours of meaningful conversation.
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Tears
In our early years of marriage, Shann rarely felt anger, never cried, never had much emotion at all. He lived with a consistently cheerful attitude. He never appeared bothered.
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Mumbai
Mumbai is a city of 28 million people. There were slums and poverty everywhere we went. People live in tin slabs with tar paper roofs and tarps on the hardened mud floors.
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Freedom
Our family traveled to India last week to work with those in severe poverty. I wore my Dad’s t-shirt – Relentless Pursuit of Excellence (one of his favorite phrases), a shirt my brother created in his honor.
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Celebration of Life
My Dad started talking about dying in the last few years. Honestly, it bugged me. I didn’t want to talk about his funeral; I didn’t want to have any of his possessions; I didn’t want to imagine my…
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Absurd or Obedient
Shann wrote the lyrics for an opera. I love to think about this. He is a poet, a researcher, a novelist, and a librettist (opera writer).
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Magnificat
Dad and I loved to talk about Mary, the mother of Jesus. When we were in the Philippines, Dad was adored everywhere he went. He and Shann were on local television. Dad was like a rock star.
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Awakening from The External Illusion
Here is an insight into conversations I would have with Dad. One of our favorite topics was how to live outside the external illusion.
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Caesura Pause
I have been thinking about my Dad’s skills and gifts that I aspire to have in my life. One skill he had was the caesura pause.
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Communion
Our family has been visiting different churches as our church of many years disbanded before Covid. We have been watching the church Natalya goes to in New York online, as well as Ariana’s church in Oklahoma.
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Spotlight
We spotlight every meal, and it can be challenging to find new and meaningful ways to spotlight others.
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Creative Learning
When I was young, Dad would make devotional times meaningful. He would grab plain white paper and put color crayons, markers, and highlighters on the table.
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Valentine’s Day Story
I met Shann at basketball camp. We have been married 31 years. Dad met Shann before I did, and he adored Shann. He loved his work ethic, his compassion, and his deep love for Christ.
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Dream Dinner
I had my first dream of my father. He was younger than I am now at my current age. We sat side by side at a beautiful banquet table.
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Better People
One of the longtime slogans at NBC Camps is the mission to be better players and better people. Dad and I discussed this often—how can we create a place for people to become better?
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Relational Bravery
Dad was an extreme extrovert. He loved to be around people. My oldest is an extreme extrovert like her papa. She is constantly with friends and spending time with others.
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Accountability
Dad had great accountability partners. One of his is also a dear friend of mine. His name is Bobby Moore. He was Dad’s pastor, his workout coach, and close friend.
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Transformation
We went to a new church nearby our house today and they were doing baptisms. One of the women shared she had been raised in an unloving home.
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Loving Father
My brother called last week. I picked up the phone and heard a choking cry. I panicked. “What’s wrong?!” I said. Jay wept hard into the phone, “I miss Dad.” We cried together for a while.
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Shooting Star
When Dad lay dying, I told him he would soon get to spend time with Sojourner Truth one of our favorite people. We never met Sojourner Truth, but we knew her story, and it changed us.
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Master Teacher
Dad was a maverick and exceptional teacher. He grasped ways to make concepts understandable way before the science of pedagogy confirmed his teaching methods.
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Next Generation
One of the verses Dad and I memorized together was Deuteronomy 4:7-9, a beautiful set of verses reminding parents to pass on what they have seen and witnessed as transformation from God to the next generations.
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Pure Joy
The book of James says, “Consider it all joy my brethren when you encounter trials of various kinds.” Some translations say to consider trials, “pure” joy.
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Weather Man
Dad would say, “Imagine an elevator. Most of us have moods and emotions which take us up and down the elevator. But some people get off and live on certain floors.
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The Book of Peace
Shann had his first dream of my Dad last week. He had been wondering when he would have one.
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Beauty over Utility
I have never loved flowers as a gift. They have always seemed to be an extravagance. I would rather Shann buy me a vacuum or a pair of shoes, something durable and useful.
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Eternal Life
Last spring, I read Dad and Mom a beautiful short story from Anthony Doer’s book, Memory Wall .
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Too Soon
I spoke to one of Dad’s lifelong friends from California. They expressed sorrow because they did not get to say goodbye in person to Dad. My dear friend from Hawaii said the same thing.
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True Self vs. False Self
One of my daily devotionals gives short segments from the writings of Henri Nouwen, a beautiful Christian author. He wrote many moving books, including Return of the Prodigal .
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Disagreement without Discord
One skill I am incredibly grateful for in my Dad is the peace he had to navigate difficult topics with wisdom and care. My Dad welcomed any topic in the home for Jay and me.
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Oyster Mouth
Dad and I both struggle with our mouths sometimes. Dad said things he should not say. I would get so frustrated with him when he would do this.
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MLK
A woman named Luska is one of NBC’s bright stars. She is brilliant and has an incredibly powerful mind.
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Honest Love
In an earlier Words of Hope, I shared a message Dad asked me to consider in the year of 2018. We had a relationship where we could ask things of each other.
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Daily Forgiveness
I met with some very lovely friends who want to create a language of forgiveness. I love this idea because forgiveness is such a misunderstood topic.
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Family of God
I drove by a snowy park bench near the Spokane River yesterday. The last time I drove by this bench, Dad, Shann, Bella, and I sat there praying together on a summer evening.
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Delight
Dad traveled many days when I was young. He went all around the PNW recruiting for NBC Camps. His journey brought him to the Cheyenne Reservation, where he met my husband, Shann.
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Struggle
I looked back on my recent WOH and several begin with the words: Dad struggled. I find it important to consider unconscious repetition. The word struggle means to trample or to wrestle.
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Surprise Journey
Dad loved surprises. We liked to take him and mom on a secret trip each year. It would be a 3-4 day trip within driving distance of our house. Dad LOVED the secret trip.
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Stone or Life
Grief is tough. My Dad tried to overcome his grief for the few years after his mom’s death, but many situations triggered his pain and anger.
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True Peace
Dad sat down with me in the New Year of 2018. He asked me to consider a few tasks for my life. I will be sharing these in the New Year as a form of inner resolution.
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Clean Heart
Dad’s nickname around the house was Norman Neat or sometimes Matt Ticulous. He loved it clean, but he also loved having people over, which caused some tension for him. I like it neat as well.
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Consider the Birds of the Air
Dad loved New Year’s Eve. He loved to clean out closets; he loved to organize and plan; he loved fresh starts. New Year’s Eve was a big event in my home.
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The Third Option
Dad loved Jesus’s response to the Pharisees. They often tried to trap Jesus. He frequently faced either/or no-win decisions by them but Jesus offers the third option. Consider, for instance, the woman caught in adultery.
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Decide
Deuteronomy 30:19 “I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life so that you and your children may live.” This verse was one of my Dad’s favorites.
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Common Sense
Dad struggled with some forms of common sense—like when he accidentally shot my mom’s dog (no, it did not die) while trying to warn off a woodpecker that was destroying our house.
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Encouragement is Oxygen
At camp, my Dad struggled to help student-athletes understand the necessity of encouragement. Then he compared it to oxygen. Oxygen is necessary for life; the same is true of encouragement.
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Joyful and Triumphant
Merry Christmas to all of you at Words of Hope. I want to share this Christmas story. Tom is my father-in-law, and he and my Dad were close friends.
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Courage Erases Loneliness
How many of our friends and family struggle with feeling alone? My Dad loved the great poet Maya Angelou who said, “We, unaccustomed to courage, exiles from delight, live coiled in shells of loneliness.” Christmas is a time…
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Reborn
My oldest daughter Natalya turned twenty-five Sunday. Dad was there for her birth.
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Release from darkness
I have been praying daily for the Christians kidnapped in Haiti. They were held by a murderous gang who wantonly killed children and adults unable to pay an exorbitant ransom.
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Garment of Praise
Sorrow can feel like a heavy shroud. I sometimes feel suffocated by it if I allow my mind to think of no more time with Dad, no more calls, no more chats by the fire, or surprise trips.…
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Poetry
I wouldn’t say Dad loved poetry when he was younger, but he definitely grew to love poetry. We both found poetry more and more beautiful after knowing my husband, Shann.
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Love must be Sincere
Dad believed fully what Mother Teresa said, “Christ’s love is always stronger than evil in the world… this kind of love begins at home.
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The Incarnation
Shann, my husband, had a book interview last week. His interviewer had respect for Shann’s faith but also incredulity. How could Shann, a learned scholar, researcher of genocide, atomic theory, clinical and neuropsychology, consider the incarnation possible?
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Is
I have been wrestling with language around my Dad’s death. I don’t like to say I lost my Dad because I didn’t lose him. I have full confidence I know where he is.
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A Beautiful Mind
I opened my journal from 2017, where I had listed concerns I had during that time. They seem so trivial in light of my current point of view.
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Relationship Over Rules
Dad disliked rules over relationships. In our home, he cared more that there was love in our hearts for God than if we went to church or read the Bible.
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Perfectly Teachable
After watching thousands of athletes at NBC Camps, Dad said the two most dangerous emotions which hurt any athlete are arrogance and fear. Those emotions are the opposite of humility.
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The Power of Hope
My Dad’s hope inspires me. Dad studied, researched, prayed for, and meditated on the word hope. He knew it was a crucial foundation for life in God. Hope is confidence in the unseen.
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Bedtime stories
Dad was a magnificent storyteller. He could mesmerize audiences at camp with stories of Challenger, our big black lab, or make everyone howl with laughter by a funny face or a silly expression. Dad loved stories.
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The God of All Comfort
My Dad believed fully in Christ and in His resurrection power. He did not fear death but trusted implicitly in the message that the dead in Christ shall be raised.
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Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood
My Dad loved the movie about Mr. Rogers, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood. He watched it many times.
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The Human Soul
The day after Thanksgiving was difficult. I found myself feeling quite sad about Dad.
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Psalm 23
Dad and I often talked about life balance. Dad was a juggernaut of energy when he was younger. He was a make it happen person. But as he developed cancer, his ability to power through became harder.
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Love is Patient
My Dad had an abusive father, and so did my Mom. My Mom was born in November of 1941. A few weeks after she was born, Pearl Harbor was attacked.
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Worthy of Imitation
My good friend was in town on a recruiting trip, and he stayed with Shann and me. He loved Dad and considered Dad in many ways a second father.
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Never Bored
Dad hated the phrase, “I’m bored.” He believed great coaching, teaching, and parenting never allowed for boredom. He believed it was the responsibility of the teacher and the student to work together to create exciting learning opportunities.
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Thanksgiving
Dad was masterful at creating meaningful moments. At Thanksgiving, the TV would be off, there would be intentional time for grateful reflection, and there would be great food and laughter.
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People of the Way
Dad hated God when he was young. He vowed he would never pray or cry again after his Mom died. He was filled with anger and turned away from God.
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Great is Thy Faithfulness
Dad and I memorized Lamentations 3:22-23 together, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassion never fails, it is new every morning- great is His faithfulness.” There is a hymn called “Great is…
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The Age of Enragement
My Dad’s father loved rage as a tool to solve problems. Dad desired to learn to be gentle. He sought out gentle men as mentors to help him learn how to navigate difficulty without getting angry.
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Fun Dad
Dad was a very fun dad. He enjoyed games. He loved playing with my brother and me. When I was little, Dad and I would always have a game of hide and seek.
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The Sin of Criticism
Last December, Dad and I read sections of “The Violence Within” by Paul Tournier aloud to each other. Tournier believed that criticism was a form of violence that burdened the relationship.
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You are a Miracle
Dad delighted in people. Wherever he went, he made lifelong friends. On the day he died, I called many people whose numbers were on his phone to say goodbye. If we missed you, I am very sorry.
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Great Joy
One aspect of Dad’s character I admired was his presence. He carried himself with dignity and power. His voice could fill a room or a gym. Dad met my husband Shann before I did.
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A Godly Woman
Today is my Mom’s 80th birthday. Her courage in caring for my Dad through cancer reveals her reliance on prayer and dedication to serving. Mom is one of the most persevering people I know.
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Friendly Flowers
The other day Mom and I walked through our neighborhood together. We stopped to see a woman planting in her yard.
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Veterans Day
My dad loved veterans and felt deeply grateful for his friends and family who served. One man that he came to know and love fought in the Vietnam war. They were around the same age.
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The Decision of Gratitude
Dad asked our family to be with him when he first received the news he might have cancer. We gathered around the kitchen table to wait with him when the hospital called with his results.
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Dear Parents of Teens
When my daughter Natalya turned fourteen, our relationship didn’t feel the same. I felt like she didn’t want to connect, and I wanted to blame her. I read books about teens.
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No Dis-Aster
The night Dad died, the sky was full of color, the sun was blood red with Hesperus, the evening star was visible.
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Dad’s Voice
I asked my Mom what the most challenging part of her journey right now was, and she paused for a minute and then said, “Not hearing his voice.
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Lean Back
A song comforting me during this painful loss of my Dad has been “Lean Back,” written by Tony Brown, Chris Mcclarney, Nate Moore, and Amanda Lindsay Cook.
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Love Deeply from the Heart
I have talked with many people who felt loved and close to Dad, and they often tell me how much Dad meant.
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Beautiful Faith
Following up on last week’s WOH. I wanted to discuss my Dad’s beautiful love for Christ. He always cherished my faith and did not look at my life with concern or fear.
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Finding Balance
I loved asking Dad his thoughts about parenting and coaching- both are similar. An authoritarian coach or parent who leads with fear and intimidation creates difficult home and team dynamics.
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Forgiveness as a Healing Force
Dad loved servant leadership. One beautiful definition Dad would have loved from Dr.
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The Gift of Mentoring
My Dad believed in the intentional work of mentoring. Many of you reading Words of Hope are testimonies of Dad’s investment in your life. My husband, Shann, is a perfect example of Dad’s mentoring vision.
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Dad the Adventurer
Traveling through Switzerland recently reminded me how much fun my Dad had sightseeing around the world. He loved new places and adventures.
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God supplies our Needs
God shall supply ALL my needs?! What a sentence! Do I live like I believe this? I know this is something Dad wrestled with for a long time.
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Strong Love
Dad loved my mom. They were married for 58 years. He loved to tell the story of when he first saw her at the University of Idaho. My dad consistently spoke well of my mom.
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Focused Feelings
Dad didn’t like it when I asked him how he felt. He instead preferred me to ask what he was learning from God or what he wrote about in Words of Hope.
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The Full Amor of God
One of the passages of Scripture Dad and I memorized is Ephesians 6:10-18. Verse 12 says, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against rulers, against powers, against the world forces of darkness, against the…
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Detachment
One of the essential life lessons Dad helped me with is the idea of detachment. I am very passionate and opinionated, so the lessons of detachment take me time.
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Generosity
My dad grew up extremely poor. He often told stories of the paper route he had when he was age nine.
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A Loving Dad
A few days after Dad died, my friend sent me a loving text and ended with: You won the “Dad of the century” award.
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The God of Hope
Several people reached out to me after the Words of Hope in which I shared not being able to hear Dad’s voice on the voice message I saved. I wanted to follow up on that story.
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The Discipline of Prayer
Dad died two months ago. It feels like it just happened and conversely that it happened long ago. Dad’s 12 year battle with cancer carried so many thoughts and questions about when his time would be up.
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Grief
Hope, Dad’s dog knew he was dying. She lay by his bed and would rest her head on his arm.
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Letters of Love
I opened Dad’s desk recently and found hundreds of random note cards. Some were covered in images of nature; others were blank white cards or cards printed with words like thank you or I love you.
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The Lord’s Prayer
Dad loved the Lord’s Prayer, and it was one of his favorite ways to pray. Here is how time with Dad praying the Lord’s Prayer together would go. Our Father (I am not an only child!
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Fred Crowell’s Celebration of Life
We would like to invite you to Fred Crowell’s celebration of life ceremony Sunday afternoon, May 29, 2022, at an event center in the greater Spokane-Post Falls-Coeur d’ Alene Metro area.
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RPE4FJC
My brother Jay created RPE (one of my dad’s favorite slogans, which stands for Relentless Pursuit of Excellence) and FJC—my dad’s initials Fredric James Crowell.
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Outside of Time
My Dad left me a lengthy voicemail before he died. I waited to listen to it for a few weeks after he passed, waiting for a time I really needed to hear his voice.
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Wisdom
My dad had wisdom that resulted in practical ways to live. Before he died, I asked him about a parent who had a young child acting out in preschool— hitting others and disobeying the teacher.
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The Daily Examen
Our whole family often jumped into learning what Dad was learning. He was so infectious and enthusiastic; he inspired us to understand what he was learning. One of his favorite spiritual teachers was Ignatius of Loyola.
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Mealtime Conversation
Our family created a ritual around mealtime conversation. This ritual refined through the years, but it emerged from my Dad’s quote he often used, “Great people talk about ideas, mediocre people talk about things, and small people talk…
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Brave
Dad and I loved to go to movies and see them on the big screen. One of our favorite movies was 1917.
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Overflowing with Thankfulness
Dad liked to use a jar illustration to help people diagnose the quality of their thoughts and words. Picture a large glass jar in which you can inspect all the contents.
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Sing for Joy to the Lord
Dad loved to sing, and for a long time, he was not good—so poor people thought he purposely mocked the song when he sang in church. Yet, Dad still sang— in church and in public.
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Full Armor and Prayer
I love history with all my heart, especially World War 2, perhaps because I know Dad loved Winston Churchill, or because I lived in Germany, or maybe because I have always wanted to know why this massive war…
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The Need to be Seen
My Dad noticed people that many do not—people mopping floors, or bussing tables, people who were often unseen or unrecognized. He treated everyone he met as a miracle with infinite value.
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Every Thought Captive
Dad valued quality thinking. For most of us, we assume whatever we think about is reality. A thought enters our head, and we unequivocally believe it.
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Little Things
One of Dad’s favorite sayings was, “Yard by yard, life is hard, but inch by inch, life’s a cinch.” Dad would often counsel me on a project that felt overwhelming to take one step at a time.
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Be Anxious for Nothing
I opened up Dad’s journal from 1987 recently. The year I survived a severe car accident on my way to school.
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Heaven Minded
Dad met with his doctor for the last time in July. A cancer doctor is such a massive part of a cancer patient’s life.
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Not by Might
When I was a young girl in Birmingham, Alabama, mustard became available for purchase in a new plastic bottle.
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Wait for the Lord
Dad was not the best at waiting when he was younger. He disliked waiting in line or at the doctor’s office. With cancer, you spend many hours of your life in waiting rooms.
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You can trust God
I trusted my Dad. He created a very safe space for me to share with him my life and my struggles. He listened well and encouraged me without judgment or shame.
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Find Ways to Laugh
Laughing seems difficult for me right now. I almost didn’t write this though I felt my Dad intentionally gave me this word. Dad loved rocks with words inscribed on them.
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Right Here Right Now
Dad loved to do crazy things, like two-footed hops down the middle of main street Disneyland or teach strangers how to laugh or practice his Qi Gong breathing technique in a crowded elevator.
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Live in Forgiveness
The keyword I wanted to focus on for today is, forgive. I know that as Dad crossed over into eternity, any memories of bitterness, resentment, or unforgiveness simply cannot accompany him into the presence of the Lord.
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Creating Your Own Secret Garden
I have felt fairly bereft with dad’s passing, so I have decided to set a daily intention, something he would encourage me to consider for the day.
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From Fred’s Daughter Jennifer
Fred Crowell passed away on Wednesday, August 11, at around 7:40 pm. Fred is my Dad, and I’ve had the unparalleled blessing of being raised by such a devoted and loving father.
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Special Announcement
Hi All, My dad has taken a very serious turn. We keep hoping it is temporary and he makes a remarkable recovery as he has done in the past.—But he is quite ill.
