Family & Home
Articles mainly about family life, grandparents, siblings, family traditions, home and mealtimes.
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Grief at the Crossroads
Smoke hangs heavy in the Spokane air. I try to block out the images the ash or smoke represent.
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A New Father
One of the greatest losses a child can experience is father loss. Father loss comes in many forms. A three-year-old boy’s father dies in a plane crash.
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Merry Christmas
One Christmas Season, Dad felt at the apex of frustration with his stage four cancer diagnosis. Worn out and weary to the bone, he tried to navigate both the physical and emotional work of managing his pain.
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Completely
I have been meditating again on what made Dad such a wonderful father. He was a dear father because he knew how to love well. Part of the deepest aspect of love is the gift of friendship.
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Cheering On
Our daughter Ariana is on the National Tour of The Sound of Music . What joy for our family!
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Honest Guilt
My dad was an incredible father precisely because he created a home where we could point out ways he was not a great father, and he would ask forgiveness and change.
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Just Like That
My daughter Natalya prayed every night for months that her sister would have red hair like Ariel from The Little Mermaid. At first, we thought she would outgrow it, but she was relentless.
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Not a Machine
My dad was not mechanical. He could not look at a problem in the house and fix it. My dad was relational, and he understood life at an emotional and spiritual level.
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Happy Father’s Day
Happy Father’s Day is so much more than a just a happy… Father’s… day… There are at last three valuable celebrations during this day to honor Fatherhood.
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Winning the Battle
I have been invited to speak on several podcasts lately, and the hosts are curious about my father and the practice of forgiveness in our home.
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Desperate Child Needs
The need to belong and to have something of value to belong to; the need to have success and be recognized for this success; the need to love and be loved.
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Feasting in the House of God
I flew to Cambridge, UK again with Shann. We spent time with a lovely Christian artist who wrote a song called, “We Will Feast in House of Zion.” Her name is Sandra, and she has a tender quietness…
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Words of Home: This is Home
I am reading aloud a beautiful book to my mom. It is called the White Stone by Esther de Waal.
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How to be Uncommon
At a group I attended, a woman shared her story of hatred toward her stepfather. She said he verbally and emotionally abused her and made her teen years miserable.
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A New Legacy
What is a good father? What attributes would you list? A good listener, compassionate, thoughtful? Dad thought often about the qualities of a good father and was intentional about wanting to be a good father.
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Relational Errors
As human beings, we all make mistakes. Often, we unintentionally hurt those around us. While saying, “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” may provide some comfort, it doesn’t truly fix the situation.
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Co-Creativity
The NBC Team is exploring one of our core missional words – creativity. We discuss how quickly people claim they are not creative. Yet creativity is imparted to every person from God.
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Praying for Good Fathers
My friend had a difficult father. He was complementary but distant to her. They had limited time together. He was unfaithful to her mom. My friend still struggles with this relationship.
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A Pattern of Great Parenting
Dad and I often discussed healthy relationships, especially between a father and sons or daughters. I don’t think many parents talk this way with their children.
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Atomic Relational Habits
I love James Clear’s work on “atomic habits,” and his research on how to make long lasting changes. Dad naturally understood how to build tiny daily habits that accrue over time. He lived this with his parenting.
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Listening for the Truth
One of the greatest gifts my dad had as a father was his insistence on total relational transparency regarding emotions. He wanted a home where truth reigned.
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Healing Conversations
Dad and I had lovely conversations. He was a masterful listener and question-asker most of the time. When we had a spare moment, he might start by saying something he appreciated about my life.
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A Time to Mourn
I am back writing Words of Hope for the remainder of the year. I took a lengthy break for several reasons. Mostly because I was sad. Grief is complex that way.
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Systemic Love
At the core of all systems of love is listening, mutual respect, serving others, repentance, gratitude, and joy. Health looks complete from top to bottom and bottom to top.
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Systemic Trouble
I was becoming high and mighty about fathers and their need to change when my husband Shann reminded me that a critical, hateful woman will always evoke or attract men who are absent, distant, violent, oppressive, and lost.…
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Preparing Children for Faith
In this advent season, I love to read the first chapters of the Book of Luke. I am struck by John coming to prepare people for the coming of the Messiah.
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The Most Important Daily Decision
I recently researched the benefits of gratitude. I am still surprised how overwhelmingly transformative gratitude is to our health and wellbeing, to our relationships, and to every aspect of our life.
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Ask
I have been at my parents’ place, praying where my dad prayed. I imagine him here and picture him praying.
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Beyond Crisis
I have been thinking about how crisis reveals truth. What does difficulty show about the underlying fabric of a home, marriage, business, or nation?
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Secrets
I have made my house a memory palace which is a device to help me remember things.
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The Antidote for Sullenness
I was talking to a woman about our family’s mealtime conversation and daily spotlighting. She looked skeptical. “What if you had a sullen child who didn’t want to respond?” she asked. I was surprised for a minute.
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Real Leverage
Dad understood leverage which can be a tough concept to grasp. In my opinion, Dad understood leverage so well on the basketball court which helped him understand the value of leverage in the home.
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Miraculous Power
My dad started a practice of letter writing at camp and for the last fifty-plus summers, student-athletes pause during the week to write a letter to a family member or key mentor.
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Metanoia
I love the word metanoia. It’s not necessarily a pretty word but the meaning is beautiful to me. It means a change in thinking and behaving resulting from penitence or spiritual conversion with a future orientation.
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Loveless Fathers
I spoke with Mom about the miracle of my dad’s transformation from aggressive agnostic to total faith. How do these things happen? After his mom died, Dad hated God and everyone who claimed faith.
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Love is in the One on One
I have had a long break from Words of Hope for various reasons. Primarily, I needed to regain my footing.
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Dad’s Last Podcast
I received a beautiful letter from William May who told me stories about his appreciation for my dad. He shared with me a podcast I didn’t know Dad was part of.
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Learning How to Comfort
I was cleaning out a backpack and found a staff meeting paper from March 11, 2020. This was the last time we met in person as a team before we closed the office for several months.
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Creating Culture
We have been playing a short game and praying everyday as at our office. I have been curious about building meaningful connection. How do we create mini moments of joy and wonder?
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Where There is Strife There is Pride
One meditation I have been speaking in my mind and heart is from Proverbs 13:10, “Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” Strife means to contend for superiority, quarrel…
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Memorial Day
I am feeling afraid to remember. What if I struggle to remember? What if I don’t want to think of all the white crosses and the families with an empty place at the table?
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Love in Action
I have been finding photos of my dad when he is my age. He looks so young and healthy! I can hear him counseling me as I begin to feel myself getting uptight.
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The Secret to A Long and Happy Life
A close friend sent me a Ted Talk that is the most watched in Ted history. This talk references the longest study of adults done to date.
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Struggling to Ask Forgiveness
A friend of ours is doing his dissertation on the phenomenon of forgiveness asking. He is researching the experience of asking forgiveness of family, friends, and colleagues. He asked me about my experience.
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The Need of a Good Father
Last night, our family attended a beautiful event combining the discussion of leadership and dance. This teaching was presented by a father/son duo.
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Relational Tipping Points
My husband Shann and I have been talking a lot about the criticism/defensiveness cycle and how insightful it is for relational health. I have found it valuable in my relationships lately.
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Redefining Success
I love that Dad worked hard to redefine success. He had to do it all his life because the temptation to place “numbers” or “money” or “fame” as the barometer of success is such a part of our…
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Will You Forgive Me?
My dad loved the concept of forgiveness. He grew up in an abusive home with a father he did not admire and in fact deeply hated.
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Multiplication
March 18th was the birthday of my beloved father. I have been crying on and off all week. March is our family’s birthday month, and Dad is deeply missed during this time.
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Industrious
Dad had a paper route at the age of nine. He had to be out the door early in the morning, as early as 5:00 am. Anacortes is built on a hill.
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Able to Move
Our family liked to tease Dad that he would be peaceful hearing about his car being wrecked but enraged about five crumbs on the table.
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The Greatest Work of Art
Our family had our nightly mealtime conversation and Bella, my youngest, offered up the elegant question for the night.
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Miracle of Grace
My husband Shann and I watched a modern-day movie fable attempting to show the calamity of friendships and families that lead to war.
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Wrong Direction
My car was turned the wrong direction when we were leaving the house. It was facing the direction leading to my mom and dad’s home.
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Greetings and Partings
My husband Shann and I often celebrate that we live in the Golden Age of research. We can communicate to anyone, regardless of philosophy or religion, what truly works and what does not.
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What time is it?
My daughter traveled to Melbourne for her college roommate’s wedding. She left the afternoon of Christmas Eve because flights were astronomical any other time.
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Spark of imagination
One of my dad’s favorite mentors was a man named Paul Nakai. He is a top leadership expert who helped advise after the space shuttle Challenger disaster as well as Three Mile Island accident.
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Community of Trust
At NBC Camps, our team often talks about creating true community together. We discuss the difference between health and toxicity. At the root of toxicity is contempt, criticism, defensiveness, or stonewalling.
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The Temptation of Pain
Pain is tricky. It makes people uncomfortable. Pain can cause us to make the wrong decisions. I love the training of Ignatius of Loyola who cautions never to make decisions in our pain.
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A Life of Peace or Fear
I have a dreadful notion that arises now and then of God as a punisher. As soon as it comes, I remember one of the most consistent messages in the Bible, “Do not fear.” There are many different…
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Gentle Impact
I read a brilliant insight from the Gottman Marriage Minute. What I love about John Gottman’s research is that it is immediately applicable to any relationship. Need a better relationship with your child?
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Love in Public
I heard a beautiful quote that justice is love in public. What does loving look like? How much does my desire for love become thwarted by my own dysfunction and aspire for control?
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Losing My Head
My husband Shann and I had a bit of a spat in Oklahoma City after our daughter’s junior recital. After all the planning, there was an issue with the video recording of the event.
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On Writing Words of Hope
A very sweet friend took me to lunch. She has been so kind in sending encouragement after a Words of Hope message she resonated with. As we met for lunch, she asked me about the writing process.
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Worth the Pain
I have been missing Dad so much lately. I walked by a neighborhood bench where he liked to sit and pray and shocked myself by bursting into tears. They came without warning.
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A + B = C
In math, A + B normally should equal C. In life, the same should happen. A loving home will produce loving kids. However, this is not always the case.
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Truth or Hypocrisy Awakened
I recently watched a movie about a man who demands a perfect world to the point he abuses others to achieve it. Perfection is so seductive.
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Set the Table
Dad loved the phrase, “Set the Table.” For him, it was a call to action for those in leadership to provide a space for true community and transformation to occur.
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An Admirable Faith
Shann and I have an elegant conversation every evening. We sit together looking out a window or sitting on a porch. We hold hands and start with gratitude for each other.
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Eternal Joy
I recently visited Oklahoma to support my daughter Ari who was playing Margo in Bright Star the musical. While I was there, I sat in a chair my dad had sat in five years earlier.
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Energy Crisis
Dad and I often discussed energy. Navigating cancer requires tremendous energy expenditures, which results in less energy for other aspects of life.
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Dangerous Tendencies
Dad wanted to be wise about tendencies to make the wrong response in crisis. He believed becoming wise about how we handle stress and crisis is an important consideration, especially if there is trauma in the family history.…
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The Danger of Must
I recently wrote a piece about Dad being an amazing culture changer and described with intensity a father who neglects his daughter and a mother who criticizes hers.
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Culture Changer
Dad was a culture changer. He envisioned a home with a true loving, present father who asked forgiveness of his children and encouraged dialogue even if there was disagreement. Not many homes have this.
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Skilled Parents
Parenting is hard. What makes matters worse is that people often don’t work to figure out how to be skilled as a parent.
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Speed Friendship
Our family has a fun mealtime activity called “Speed Friendship.” We ask a question and quickly find out more about whoever is at the table. Examples of questions we might ask are: · Favorite color to wear?
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Heartbreak
Recently Shann and I participated in a contemplative prayer retreat. One of the beautiful and elegant questions asked was, “What breaks your heart?” One of the things that breaks my heart is a child without a loving, present…
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Counsel of Equals
Dad and I had an important mentor who had helped with the Challenger Space Shuttle disaster as a consultant in the aftermath of the tragedy.
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Priceless Words
I found a letter from my Dad to Natalya, my oldest. (I know the proper way to write “my dad” is lowercase, but I think of my Dad as grander, more significant, and worthy of a capital D…
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Self-Responsible Leadership
Dad loved parenting, and he was a fantastic Dad. He and Mom taught Shann and me so much about the daily habits of being a meaningful parent.
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Hey Dad
When I was younger, I loved to yell, “Hey, Dad, what would you give me if I make this shot?” One of the biggest wagers we made was at Silver Lake.
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Labor Day
My Dad loved hard work. He had a paper route at the age of nine. I visited Dad’s hometown this summer to watch one of our amazing directors.
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The Power of Liking
Shann and I subscribe to the Gottman Marriage minute. It’s a perfect, short reminder with simple steps to improve relationships.
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Intensity Considered
Many of you who read Words of Hope know my Dad. Maybe some of you have never met him.
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Provoked
When Dad was younger, he could easily provoke people into frustration. He loved to induce people to anger, especially on the basketball court.
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Absent-Minded Wisdom
I was traveling through the Denver airport recently when I noticed I was drinking from a bottle that wasn’t mine.
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Good Judgment
If you fly to Oklahoma City, you will see a famous quote by Will Rogers: “Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” Dad was a phenomenal teacher of good judgment for…
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Loneliness Observed Part 2
I met “Margo” at camp. She loved hoops and baggy shorts and had a cutting-edge fashion style. She found her mother dead when she was a very young child.
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Loneliness Observed
My grandmother grew up in a severely austere home. Her mother did not believe in affection and ruled her family with a no-nonsense mentality.
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The Slippery Slope of Crisis
One February, we lost our cat, Crystal. She never came home. I was devastated. I held to the fantasy she would be found at a pet shelter. I was grieving but not attending to my sorrow.
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A beautiful death
Today is the anniversary of my Dad’s death. Our family is traveling together. Mom and Dad’s house, where he passed away, has been sold. I wanted to get out of town.
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Secret Sauce
One of the best skills Dad gave our family was the family meeting. Before an event, this meeting time was crucial to outline the expectations of the family and each other.
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Eyes That See the Need
Dad and I often wondered why people work and live together without knowing each other. This distance creates a supreme sense of loneliness. Proximity without intimacy. Habitation without a home.
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Days of Plenty
My middle daughter, Ariana, is playing at the professional summer theatre in Coeur d’ Alene in Little Women the Musical.
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The Gift of a Good Father
My friend told me, “I didn’t have a dad like yours. He left our family through an affair and wanted to reconcile later in life.
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Life-Giving Presence
Someone asked me how I was doing with my Dad’s death. I told her, “Honestly, it is much more painful than I thought.
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Confident and Compassionate Disagreement
Shann and I recently discussed how family issues become more difficult because many fear disagreements and conflicts. We have very few examples of people navigating disputes with health and compassion.
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Reconciling All Things
My oldest daughter and her husband, Tim, came to town, and on our last day together, we asked, “What is one way you see the beauty of the mystery of Christ in your marriage?” One of my favorite…
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Love’s Discipline
Shann teaches poetry at Stanford, and our family is doing the lectures and lessons together. I can’t believe how incredible this experience has been. I have been a lousy student.
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Minor Adjustments
Dad loved unity, and he didn’t like disagreement. He also was a fierce competitor. Our family could get into heated disputes around politics, news, or even card games.
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Proof is in the Pudding
When we ask forgiveness without change, we commit further harm. Teresa was an angry parent.
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Great People Talk About Ideas
Our family likes meaningful conversation. Years ago, we heard the quote, great people talk about ideas, mediocre people talk about things, and small people talk about others. Wow! What a great model for daily family conversation.
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Learning to Forgive
Dad and I often talked about bitterness and the drive to live in fracture with others. It’s incredible how generational resentment perpetuates—mother cut off from daughter, father from son. Forgiveness is a challenging and noble task.
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Daily Relational Clean-up
Dad had the gift of reading the Bible and making the words immediately practical and healing. He believed Christianity should make us more like Christ–more loving, forgiving, generous, and full of joy.
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The Generational Journey
When I first met Shann’s father Tom, he seemed very distant. We would enter the house after having traveled far to get there, and Tom would remain on the couch and give us a two-finger greeting while continuing…
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The Forgiveness Journey- Part 2
One of my Dad’s and my favorite writers, Henri Nouwen writes, “Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly.
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The Forgiveness Journey- Part One
Forgiveness is the willingness to start a journey by faith with the hope what currently feels impossible will become possible. We often drove to Edmonton, Alberta, from Spokane when Shann and I were newly married.
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The Choice
Getting ready for the Celebration of Life was difficult and joyful. As our family gathered together to sing, we could feel the tensions and emotions rising.
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Daily Grace
I am reading Ulysses by James Joyce. Truly not the easiest read but entertaining nonetheless.
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Compelled by fear or love?
I read about a twin separated from her sister for years. Her grandmother lost her in a crowded market in Korea when she was quite young. Though her family searched for her, they never found her.
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The Psalm 1 Tree
I recently asked what is bringing someone joy lately, and he responded by learning about trees. He said with all the latest advances in forestry, so much is being learned about trees no one knew before.
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Building a Loving Home
When Shann and I had three daughters, we imagined a home full of love and joy for one another. How could we make this dream a reality?
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Where Your Treasure Is
A huge table in the center of our kitchen seats twelve people comfortably. This table is the focal point of our home, a place to eat, play, and write.
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The Negative Spiral
One of my favorite times with Dad was to discuss poor coaching or poor parenting as they share similarities. Dad had incredible insights into how we contribute to the unconscious dissolution of a team or family.
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Only Seven Seconds
Shann and Bella had a late-night this week, and I was alone in the house for the first time in a while. I sat on the couch watching the sunset.
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Atypical marriage
One quality I admire about my Dad is that he did not speak poorly or negatively about my Mom. He worked hard to root out criticism. He believed that criticism is poison to relationships.
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Ferch Church
When I was growing up, Dad made time with God something sacred, intentional, and interesting. He hated the idea of church or discussion about God being boring.
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Unafraid
My Mom and I went to tea the other day and talked about Dad. This journey of grief is new for me. I want to support my Mom but find my sorrow overwhelming me in the process.
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The Gift of Friendship
Shann has a beautiful coffee table book that just came out on Amazon in collaboration with his artist friend, Craig Hergert.
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A Novel Point of View
Dad and I loved to read. I am currently reading Graham Greene’s book, The Ministry of Fear. Greene was a masterful writer and author of one of our favorite books, called The Power and the Glory.
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April Fools
When I was in high school, my Dad began to play April Fool’s jokes which were never quite funny to anyone but him.
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The Body Remembers
One day, I was wiping down the bathroom sink. Focused and intensely absorbed in my work, I didn’t hear my oldest daughter Natalya come into the room. She came up behind me and hugged me.
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March Madness
Dad and I liked to play solitary card games while racing against each other. Our favorite was kings in the corner. These games are addictive—just one more game.
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Bright Star
My brother and I are planning my Dad’s Celebration of Life. Dad loved short phrases and slogans, so I love to call his memorial day Dad’s COL.
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Messenger
Today is my Dad’s birthday. Do I write that it would have been his 80th or that it is his 80th birthday? I will say it is Dad’s 80th birthday.
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Mapping out Trauma Triggers
Trauma triggers happen when you have had something difficult happen in your life–for example, a car wreck.
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Marriage Experts
My parents were married for 58 years, and they deeply admired and loved each other. They worked hard to root out bitterness, detachment, infidelity, and dislike.
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Small Whisper
This was my first birthday without my Dad with me in person. Birthdays always involved dinner together with a beautiful mealtime conversation.
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Bitterness to Healing
We often drove to Edmonton, Alberta, from Spokane when Shann and I were newly married. This long road trip afforded us hours of meaningful conversation.
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Spotlight
We spotlight every meal, and it can be challenging to find new and meaningful ways to spotlight others.
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Creative Learning
When I was young, Dad would make devotional times meaningful. He would grab plain white paper and put color crayons, markers, and highlighters on the table.
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Dream Dinner
I had my first dream of my father. He was younger than I am now at my current age. We sat side by side at a beautiful banquet table.
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Relational Bravery
Dad was an extreme extrovert. He loved to be around people. My oldest is an extreme extrovert like her papa. She is constantly with friends and spending time with others.
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Transformation
We went to a new church nearby our house today and they were doing baptisms. One of the women shared she had been raised in an unloving home.
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Loving Father
My brother called last week. I picked up the phone and heard a choking cry. I panicked. “What’s wrong?!” I said. Jay wept hard into the phone, “I miss Dad.” We cried together for a while.
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Next Generation
One of the verses Dad and I memorized together was Deuteronomy 4:7-9, a beautiful set of verses reminding parents to pass on what they have seen and witnessed as transformation from God to the next generations.
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The Book of Peace
Shann had his first dream of my Dad last week. He had been wondering when he would have one.
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Beauty over Utility
I have never loved flowers as a gift. They have always seemed to be an extravagance. I would rather Shann buy me a vacuum or a pair of shoes, something durable and useful.
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Eternal Life
Last spring, I read Dad and Mom a beautiful short story from Anthony Doer’s book, Memory Wall .
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Too Soon
I spoke to one of Dad’s lifelong friends from California. They expressed sorrow because they did not get to say goodbye in person to Dad. My dear friend from Hawaii said the same thing.
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Disagreement without Discord
One skill I am incredibly grateful for in my Dad is the peace he had to navigate difficult topics with wisdom and care. My Dad welcomed any topic in the home for Jay and me.
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Oyster Mouth
Dad and I both struggle with our mouths sometimes. Dad said things he should not say. I would get so frustrated with him when he would do this.
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Daily Forgiveness
I met with some very lovely friends who want to create a language of forgiveness. I love this idea because forgiveness is such a misunderstood topic.
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Delight
Dad traveled many days when I was young. He went all around the PNW recruiting for NBC Camps. His journey brought him to the Cheyenne Reservation, where he met my husband, Shann.
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Surprise Journey
Dad loved surprises. We liked to take him and mom on a secret trip each year. It would be a 3-4 day trip within driving distance of our house. Dad LOVED the secret trip.
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Clean Heart
Dad’s nickname around the house was Norman Neat or sometimes Matt Ticulous. He loved it clean, but he also loved having people over, which caused some tension for him. I like it neat as well.
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Consider the Birds of the Air
Dad loved New Year’s Eve. He loved to clean out closets; he loved to organize and plan; he loved fresh starts. New Year’s Eve was a big event in my home.
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Decide
Deuteronomy 30:19 “I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life so that you and your children may live.” This verse was one of my Dad’s favorites.
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Common Sense
Dad struggled with some forms of common sense—like when he accidentally shot my mom’s dog (no, it did not die) while trying to warn off a woodpecker that was destroying our house.
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Joyful and Triumphant
Merry Christmas to all of you at Words of Hope. I want to share this Christmas story. Tom is my father-in-law, and he and my Dad were close friends.
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Reborn
My oldest daughter Natalya turned twenty-five Sunday. Dad was there for her birth.
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Poetry
I wouldn’t say Dad loved poetry when he was younger, but he definitely grew to love poetry. We both found poetry more and more beautiful after knowing my husband, Shann.
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Love must be Sincere
Dad believed fully what Mother Teresa said, “Christ’s love is always stronger than evil in the world… this kind of love begins at home.
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Relationship Over Rules
Dad disliked rules over relationships. In our home, he cared more that there was love in our hearts for God than if we went to church or read the Bible.
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Bedtime stories
Dad was a magnificent storyteller. He could mesmerize audiences at camp with stories of Challenger, our big black lab, or make everyone howl with laughter by a funny face or a silly expression. Dad loved stories.
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The Human Soul
The day after Thanksgiving was difficult. I found myself feeling quite sad about Dad.
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Love is Patient
My Dad had an abusive father, and so did my Mom. My Mom was born in November of 1941. A few weeks after she was born, Pearl Harbor was attacked.
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Worthy of Imitation
My good friend was in town on a recruiting trip, and he stayed with Shann and me. He loved Dad and considered Dad in many ways a second father.
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Never Bored
Dad hated the phrase, “I’m bored.” He believed great coaching, teaching, and parenting never allowed for boredom. He believed it was the responsibility of the teacher and the student to work together to create exciting learning opportunities.
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Thanksgiving
Dad was masterful at creating meaningful moments. At Thanksgiving, the TV would be off, there would be intentional time for grateful reflection, and there would be great food and laughter.
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Great is Thy Faithfulness
Dad and I memorized Lamentations 3:22-23 together, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassion never fails, it is new every morning- great is His faithfulness.” There is a hymn called “Great is…
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Fun Dad
Dad was a very fun dad. He enjoyed games. He loved playing with my brother and me. When I was little, Dad and I would always have a game of hide and seek.
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The Sin of Criticism
Last December, Dad and I read sections of “The Violence Within” by Paul Tournier aloud to each other. Tournier believed that criticism was a form of violence that burdened the relationship.
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Great Joy
One aspect of Dad’s character I admired was his presence. He carried himself with dignity and power. His voice could fill a room or a gym. Dad met my husband Shann before I did.
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A Godly Woman
Today is my Mom’s 80th birthday. Her courage in caring for my Dad through cancer reveals her reliance on prayer and dedication to serving. Mom is one of the most persevering people I know.
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Dear Parents of Teens
When my daughter Natalya turned fourteen, our relationship didn’t feel the same. I felt like she didn’t want to connect, and I wanted to blame her. I read books about teens.
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No Dis-Aster
The night Dad died, the sky was full of color, the sun was blood red with Hesperus, the evening star was visible.
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Dad’s Voice
I asked my Mom what the most challenging part of her journey right now was, and she paused for a minute and then said, “Not hearing his voice.
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Beautiful Faith
Following up on last week’s WOH. I wanted to discuss my Dad’s beautiful love for Christ. He always cherished my faith and did not look at my life with concern or fear.
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Finding Balance
I loved asking Dad his thoughts about parenting and coaching- both are similar. An authoritarian coach or parent who leads with fear and intimidation creates difficult home and team dynamics.
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Strong Love
Dad loved my mom. They were married for 58 years. He loved to tell the story of when he first saw her at the University of Idaho. My dad consistently spoke well of my mom.
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Focused Feelings
Dad didn’t like it when I asked him how he felt. He instead preferred me to ask what he was learning from God or what he wrote about in Words of Hope.
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A Loving Dad
A few days after Dad died, my friend sent me a loving text and ended with: You won the “Dad of the century” award.
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The Discipline of Prayer
Dad died two months ago. It feels like it just happened and conversely that it happened long ago. Dad’s 12 year battle with cancer carried so many thoughts and questions about when his time would be up.
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Letters of Love
I opened Dad’s desk recently and found hundreds of random note cards. Some were covered in images of nature; others were blank white cards or cards printed with words like thank you or I love you.
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The Lord’s Prayer
Dad loved the Lord’s Prayer, and it was one of his favorite ways to pray. Here is how time with Dad praying the Lord’s Prayer together would go. Our Father (I am not an only child!
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Wisdom
My dad had wisdom that resulted in practical ways to live. Before he died, I asked him about a parent who had a young child acting out in preschool— hitting others and disobeying the teacher.
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Mealtime Conversation
Our family created a ritual around mealtime conversation. This ritual refined through the years, but it emerged from my Dad’s quote he often used, “Great people talk about ideas, mediocre people talk about things, and small people talk…
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Sing for Joy to the Lord
Dad loved to sing, and for a long time, he was not good—so poor people thought he purposely mocked the song when he sang in church. Yet, Dad still sang— in church and in public.
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Not by Might
When I was a young girl in Birmingham, Alabama, mustard became available for purchase in a new plastic bottle.
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Find Ways to Laugh
Laughing seems difficult for me right now. I almost didn’t write this though I felt my Dad intentionally gave me this word. Dad loved rocks with words inscribed on them.
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Live in Forgiveness
The keyword I wanted to focus on for today is, forgive. I know that as Dad crossed over into eternity, any memories of bitterness, resentment, or unforgiveness simply cannot accompany him into the presence of the Lord.
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Three Stages of Life
In the early days, a baby spends the vast majority of time in a crib. The middle years of life are spent grinding it out for the accumulation of stuff.
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So Excited to See You
Young children do it the best! They get so excited to see people they love. They run, jump in arms (confident to be caught!), gleefully screaming with joy.
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All in Today?
The crucial question… My daughter Jennifer tells the story of being seven years old. She braved a flight of steps to the high board at the Samford U pool.
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This Is My Story, This Is My Song
“Old things passed away, all things become new.” – Paul Early this morning in my secret garden, I was thinking of my grandson.
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Sanctuary Home
“If your faith does not work in the home, your faith does not work.” – Howard Hendricks Vividly the bird sanctuary at the San Diego Zoo is framed in my memory bank.
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Babies Change Everything
The birth of a child is the grandest and most Godlike event a mother and father can experience in a lifetime. In fact, it is so miraculous every other life experience pales by comparison.
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Small & Grand Surprises
My family, especially daughter Jennifer, delights when I am excited over surprises, no matter the size. A small surprise came yesterday, although it was tear-moving.
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The One Amazing Encourage Tool: The Personal Letter
In life experience laboratories, human condition scientists search to find new methods to educate people to live at maximum potential. Their one mystery question is: HOW DO WE BEST MOTIVATE HUMANITY?
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Chreia-pithy Education
KEY STATEMENT. To encourage someone is to give them oxygen. 12-year-old Bella Crowell Ferch gives us an education on what 6 graders are learning at the Oaks Classical Christian Academy.
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Home – War Zone or Safe Sanctuary
Within the world-famous San Diego Zoo is a truly magnificent bird sanctuary. It is breathtakingly beautiful. It is a perfect home of safety with the provision of water, food, and fresh air for these birds.
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Mothers
How does a boy become a man without a good mother? This is a mystery to me. When I journeyed to my secret place or the place I also call the secret garden, I held the notion that…
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Dwell Together in Unity
The world’s pandemic has forced isolation upon us with a heartless vengeance. This isolation for the vast majority of Americans changed our lives in dramatic ways; some positive; some negative.
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Crowell’s Law – Twice Good
It is not good enough for a son to become as good as his father or a daughter to become as good as her mother. Good enough means being twice as good!
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Boys to Men
Words of Wisdom for All Boys Dr. James Jones, a leader of youth, once told me, “There are four vital foundations to govern your life by.” Control your environment.
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State of Life Address to the four most important people in my life
Dear and Lovely Crowell’s, my A-Team! You have expanded the A-Team to a United Team of 11 Saints.
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Not My Plan
“The steps of a man are established by the Lord; when he delights in His way…” – Psalm 37 Children are remarkably amazing.
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Is Your Quiver Full
In the days of old a quiver full of quality arrows was a must. It was the difference between life and death. The Psalmist used a quiver as a simile for a man having many sons.
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Legacy Gifting, Part 2
Christmas is that time of the year when giving is celebrated. Yet, I remember when, as a young child, I discovered there was no Jolly Old St. Nick making toys all year in the faraway North Pole.
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Legacy Gifting, Part 1
Children are precious gifts from the Lord. The greatest legacy gift parents can give their children is to live St. Paul’s parenting virtues , especially in his letter to the Philippians.
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Thanksgiving with the Crowell Family
“I will offer to YOU the sacrifice of thanksgiving & will call on the name of the Lord.” Psalm 116:17 Our Special Day dedicated to being extra thankful typically begins in the early morning hours with Susie by…
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WHAT YOU APPRECIATE APPRECIATES – Jay Crowell
For a father I’m not sure many joys surpass the privilege of having children becoming lovely, healthy, successful parents. One of Crowell’s teaching principles is, “A son should become twice as smart as his Dad.
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The Wise Parent
The wise parent knows and understands that the ultimate test of successful parenting is the day when their son or daughter has matured to the place the parent(s) is able to say… “Amazing child you now are ready…
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Timeouts Are Vital
TIMEOUTS ARE VITAL Athletics prove time outs are critically important. The mark of great coaches is having the skill to take the complex and make it simple.
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Sanctuary Home
A house is not a whole lot until it is occupied by people. A house becomes either a sanctuary or a battlefield.
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Destiny Dream Makers
“Why did your father end up living alone with a bottle of alcohol in his hand with no hope?” -Dr. Shann Ferch This question could be asked of every street beggar and homeless person.
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Covenant vs Contract
The difference between a covenant and a contract is as wide and deep as the Grand Canyon. A covenant is a commitment that can never ever be broken.
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Disciplined Detachment
If your time is spent with any type of media (the internet, television, radio, magazines, newspapers), you realize hardly a minute or page goes by without being consumed by an ad.
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Mother’s Day – Honor Women
No other person deserves honor, appreciation and high esteem as does a mother . She continually gives, cares, sacrifices with little thought of anything in return. Why? Because she loves her children and many others!
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House to Home
When does a house become a home and a home become a house? All of life experience is both mystery and fascination to me.
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Effective Parenting Part 1 – Three Master Keys
Crowell’s Life Skills for Effective Parenting by Fred Crowell The Difference: A Relentless Pursuit of Excellence The difference between poor and good; good and great; great and excellence is a “never quit” mind set.
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Anchors in My Life
The photo is a crafted pewter anchor. Following a lifelong tradition buying a treasure to help remember the experiences I purchased this keepsake in Nova Scotia (New Scotland).
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Less Is Better
In 1855 Robert Browning wrote the poem, Andrea Del Sarto. The line, less is more , has become an oft-used expression in promoting inner peace and personal focus.
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I Love Reading WOH
Fred, I love reading your WOH. Thanks for thinking of me. The one of laughter hit a nerve in a good way.
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The Perfect Church
Key Statement: if it is true, and I firmly believe it is true, there are three kinds of churches.
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Precious Presents
31 days of precious presents in December Savor is a great word. To me, savor means to enjoy to the maximum. To savor each day in December as Christmas is pure delight for me.
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Superheroes – Every Day Heroes
If you don’t take time to watch/listen to Charlie’s story this is a missed opportunity! Everybody needs an everyday hero . No one needs a superstar hero.
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Intimacy – the Need to Belong
To belong and to have something belong to you, is fundamental to fulfillment in life. Loneliness is a horrible life experience. People go to great lengths to belong and to feel emotionally connected.
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Greater Unity in Diversity
A noble challenge in leadership is to forge diversity into university. Initially, centers of higher learning were called colleges; i.e. Harvard College.
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Happy Crowell Boys
Key Statement: Photos and pictures are worth a 1000 words. The placement of meaningful and inspiring pictures or motivational tools to give us the will to prepare to win the moment are important.
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The Walker Legacy
NBC Camps – 3 Generation Family Key statement: The legacy we leave will impact our children and their children’s children. The way we choose to live our lives will impact the next three generations.
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God Created Human Beings
Then God said let us make human beings in our image to be like ourselves… Then God looked over all He had made, and saw that it was very good!
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People Relationships
Key Statement: People were created to need people, but too few people invest the time needed to master the skills to treat people well. Global People Problems World leaders keep failing to learn from previous wars.
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Too Busy or Don’t Care
Key Statement: If you are too busy or don’t care enough to spend quality time, without any distractions, with a spouse, a child, a dear friend, or a person in need you care about, the true fact is…
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The Father of Learning
Imitation, leading by example, is the superior method of education. To qualify to be a credible father or significant mentor, it is a twofold process: *PTR – proven track record. *WOBI – worthy of being imitated.
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What Happened?
“Days are long sometimes. Very long, but life is way too short, way to brief.” -Fred Crowell 30 years ago, Fred Crowell was living in what he calls the Golden Era of Life.
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Anecdote for Bullies
“Do not be afraid; be strong and courageous.” -Joshua Joshua was challenged three times to: Be strong and of good courage. Only be strong and very courageous.
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Protect Your Teams
The name of the game is unity. It starts in the home. Life was not meant to be a lived alone; even my favorite childhood hero, the Lone Ranger, had Tonto whom he affectionately called Kimosabe.
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Goodbye Mighty Mite
An emergency call from Spokane to our stateroom 7051 on the MS Rotterdam, as we prepared to enter the Panama Canal, brought sad news.
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National Treasures
The United States of America’s most valuable and most neglected resources. American’s treasure is youth. Adults deplore looking old. New and young are the trophies of today. Heaven forbid growing old.
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Five Life Changing Words
“I am proud of you!” As Edith steps down the stairs in a beautiful wedding dress, Lord Gratham’s loving eyes and outstretched arms greet his lovely daughter.
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Sister Love
Three Crowell-Ferch sisters demonstrate the beauty, grace, and power of love. Natalya Alexis is a sophomore at Oklahoma City University. Ariana Alexis is a freshman at the Oaks Classical Christian Academy.
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See, I Told You I Loved You
37 years ago I discovered for the first time God loved Fred Crowell. February 3 1979, was a great day for Susie and Fred Crowell. The Bulldogs of Samford University got a win on the basketball court.
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The Honor Principle
To experience the privilege of being honored it is best to first honor others. Today it is a privilege to honor Walter Willis King. Walt is Susie’s dad.
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His Pleasure, His Purpose
All things were created in Him, by Him and for Him. Colossians 1:16 Thanks to the incredible gift of imagination, given only to human kind, we have minds to take us to the past, present, and future.
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The Missing BILLFOLD
Peace is the virtue that moves frustration and or conflict to resolution and consolation. The billfold is my best piece of exercise equipment.
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Who Are Your Fans?
“Without people to cheer there is no such thing as a ‘Star’.” – Arnold Palmer Arnold Palmer was one of golf’s greatest players but more clearly Arnold’s greatest award is the “ one who valued the fans .”…
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All Paths Lead Somewhere
Mike is an amazing example of a miracle. Former superintendent of schools, coached two Washington State girls’ state basketball teams and one golf championship team. Judy was the love of Mike and their son Eric’s lives.
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No Matter What
Want some joy? If yes, read a children’s book to a young child. Few happy life experiences mean more to me than having our 5 year old Kingston and 3 year old Giavanna sit on my lap entranced…
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At Last
The incredible moment when man meets the woman who will be the love of his life. For me the two best words in the book of Genesis came from a very lonely Adam, seeing Eve for the first…
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Woman
“God’s best gift to man” Careful study of Genesis 1 & 2 brings us to an obvious conclusion that God’s ultimate, most lovely gift to man is a woman. Think about it!
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It’s a Girl
A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all her life. The Lord’s promise made to us in St.
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Come and Share Your Master’s Happiness
The final week in September must be wedding weekend. The Crowell’s had three invitations. In reading the Gospels Jesus clearly spoke highly of weddings. Yesterday my former personal assistant married. All weddings are not equal.
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Effective Parenting Part 2 – The Power of Choice
Crowell’s Life Skills for Effective Parenting by Fred Crowell The Difference: A Relentless Pursuit of Excellence The difference between poor and good; good and great; great and excellence is a “never quit” mind set.
