Learning from Cautionary Tales Part 1

Our family has become shocked as well as grave about the Caleb Flynn murder trial. I would love to have a talk with Dad about the details of this tragic story. Dad had tremendous psychological insight and wisdom as to motive, purpose, and action.

I think his combination of both psychological insight and coaching ability gave him access to understandings people often miss. Why and how did this happen? What could have prevented this terrible situation and what can we collectively learn as families, educators, churches and communities?

In this case, Caleb Flynn was a former American Idol contestant, worship pastor and family man. Having children in the arts it’s easy to see how easily disappointment can discourage us or how praise can inflate us. These rollercoaster highs and lows often expose us to the external illusion— a belief that our joy and peace are tied to our circumstances.

As Henri Nouwen cautions, living in the external illusion we become slaves to our emotional highs and lows which can lead to skewed priorities, self worship, and blindness.

When a parent self-worships at the altar of their children’s talents or beauty, something ugly gets released.

Parents worshipping a child evokes a sense of exceptionalism— I am amazing. As well, a parent’s scorn for another person’s approbation at the perceived expense of the favored child results in criticism of others and praise of ourselves. This evokes a spirit of entitlement — I should be recognized as amazing, I am the most amazing.

These thoughts, ideas, propensities, temptations can accrue to create a cocktail that invites the foremost toxic emotions: regret, envy, depression, and bitterness.

Discouraged, disillusioned, disheartened, disgusted, disappointed—we often unconsciously seek comfort in the most nefarious forms: alcohol, drugs, gambling, perfectionism, blame and shame, scorn, hatred, lust, seduction, self indulgence— all at the expense of others. In these divisive addictions, we place ourselves at and as the center of the world.

How quickly we then find ourselves in a pit, torn between two worlds, two choices. Choose to die to self through humbling ourselves or to exalt ourselves more. As we exalt self, we must demonize and hate anything that blocks our self-worship.

In the case of Caleb, indulging in an affair with a much younger woman revealed his need to escape. The affair became a return to exceptionalism, youth, power, adulation.

He found in his mistress a fantasy of a new life and in his wife a scapegoat for the previous disappointments and toxic emotions.

An age old story.

What about my life - am I allowing any of the 4 most toxic emotions deceive me into seeking an easy escape?

What does self or child-worship lead to in my life? How can I recognize this worship and kill this deadly impulse before it hurts me or my children?

How do we help those around us in our homes and communities become more aware of their own stories leading to life or death?

Genesis 4:4-7: And the Lord had regard for Abel and for his offering; but for Cain and for his offering He had no regard. So Cain became very angry and his countenance fell. Then the Lord said to Cain, ‘Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.’

Cory James | CEO
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wordsofhope.comhttp://wordsofhope.com/

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