Learning from Cautionary Tales Part 2

One of the aspects of the Caleb Flynn story my dad and I would have discussed at length is the aspect of delayed gratification and the role of ruthless self-examination.

He and I often talked about how the quest for immediate comfort and the desire to escape the suffering we must pass through when we encounter difficult times happen at a micro level. It is usually the tiny thorns that plague us each day that bleed us and drain our insight. These small micro choices toward frustration blind us to the temptation to soothe through destructive means.

Dad believed patience developed through delayed gratification (the discipline to say no and the patience to wait for something better) as well as the relentless pursuit of self-examination were at the apex of spiritual discipline. He believed the core of the ability to stand strong in the face of temptation and disappointment required connection to a beloved community in which to confess temptation immediately rather than allowing it to slowly and relentlessly consume us.

Dad believed in total ruthless self-examination. Search me oh God and know my heart was a verse at the forefront of his mind. He believed this was a non-negotiable daily discipline.

Saint Ignatius encourages this scrutiny in the Spiritual Exercises through the Daily Examen.

This is intentional time to review the day and discern with the Holy Spirit— What were times I felt closest to God? What were times I felt furthest from God? This is the careful examination of the day through the Holy Spirit to reveal ways that we draw closer or further from God, love, truth, hope, forgiveness, justice and goodness. How often we spend time in the ruthless examination of others and their shortcomings.

This process is not to lead to self-hatred or shame but rather humility and repentance.

Caleb Flynn did not fall in love with his mistress overnight. It began with a glance, a touch, a word, a text, — each slowly accumulating over time, to the tune of over 100,000 texts.

The murder of his wife did not begin with the gun, it began with the disloyal thoughts justified by criticism and contempt —the daily decision to dislike and even hate another person in our words and thoughts.

What accrues, accrues. What we plant, we reap. This was dad’s deepest focus- energy to rigorously seek sanctification through Christ by surrendering each daily thought and action—The daily sowing and reaping of each moment.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” - James 5:16