Parenting
Articles mainly about raising children: discipline, teaching kids, encouraging them, connecting with sons and daughters, being a mom or dad.
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Completely
I have been meditating again on what made Dad such a wonderful father. He was a dear father because he knew how to love well. Part of the deepest aspect of love is the gift of friendship.
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Honest Guilt
My dad was an incredible father precisely because he created a home where we could point out ways he was not a great father, and he would ask forgiveness and change.
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Desperate Child Needs
The need to belong and to have something of value to belong to; the need to have success and be recognized for this success; the need to love and be loved.
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A New Legacy
What is a good father? What attributes would you list? A good listener, compassionate, thoughtful? Dad thought often about the qualities of a good father and was intentional about wanting to be a good father.
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Co-Creativity
The NBC Team is exploring one of our core missional words – creativity. We discuss how quickly people claim they are not creative. Yet creativity is imparted to every person from God.
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Praying for Good Fathers
My friend had a difficult father. He was complementary but distant to her. They had limited time together. He was unfaithful to her mom. My friend still struggles with this relationship.
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Take the Lead
My dad understood the importance of initiative. In Latin, initiative means to take the lead. We talked about initiative often.
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A Pattern of Great Parenting
Dad and I often discussed healthy relationships, especially between a father and sons or daughters. I don’t think many parents talk this way with their children.
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America the Lady
America has been portrayed as a lady—a lady of grace and beauty from sea to shining sea, purple mountain’s majesty, amber waves of grain, among fruited plains.
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Healing Conversations
Dad and I had lovely conversations. He was a masterful listener and question-asker most of the time. When we had a spare moment, he might start by saying something he appreciated about my life.
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Preparing Children for Faith
In this advent season, I love to read the first chapters of the Book of Luke. I am struck by John coming to prepare people for the coming of the Messiah.
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Living and Active
Da d and I would discuss why Bible classes in Christian schools and colleges were often the worst classes, boring, uninspired, didactic, and lacking. I think about this in my own life.
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The Antidote for Sullenness
I was talking to a woman about our family’s mealtime conversation and daily spotlighting. She looked skeptical. “What if you had a sullen child who didn’t want to respond?” she asked. I was surprised for a minute.
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Real Leverage
Dad understood leverage which can be a tough concept to grasp. In my opinion, Dad understood leverage so well on the basketball court which helped him understand the value of leverage in the home.
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Miraculous Power
My dad started a practice of letter writing at camp and for the last fifty-plus summers, student-athletes pause during the week to write a letter to a family member or key mentor.
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Loveless Fathers
I spoke with Mom about the miracle of my dad’s transformation from aggressive agnostic to total faith. How do these things happen? After his mom died, Dad hated God and everyone who claimed faith.
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Love is in the One on One
I have had a long break from Words of Hope for various reasons. Primarily, I needed to regain my footing.
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Dad’s Last Podcast
I received a beautiful letter from William May who told me stories about his appreciation for my dad. He shared with me a podcast I didn’t know Dad was part of.
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The Need of a Good Father
Last night, our family attended a beautiful event combining the discussion of leadership and dance. This teaching was presented by a father/son duo.
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Will You Forgive Me?
My dad loved the concept of forgiveness. He grew up in an abusive home with a father he did not admire and in fact deeply hated.
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The Why of Rules
I recently wrote an homage to my dad on LinkedIn highlighting a lesson he imparted to me and Jay as a great father. A few people interacted with the post.
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Industrious
Dad had a paper route at the age of nine. He had to be out the door early in the morning, as early as 5:00 am. Anacortes is built on a hill.
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Able to Move
Our family liked to tease Dad that he would be peaceful hearing about his car being wrecked but enraged about five crumbs on the table.
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Community of Trust
At NBC Camps, our team often talks about creating true community together. We discuss the difference between health and toxicity. At the root of toxicity is contempt, criticism, defensiveness, or stonewalling.
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The Temptation of Pain
Pain is tricky. It makes people uncomfortable. Pain can cause us to make the wrong decisions. I love the training of Ignatius of Loyola who cautions never to make decisions in our pain.
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A Life of Peace or Fear
I have a dreadful notion that arises now and then of God as a punisher. As soon as it comes, I remember one of the most consistent messages in the Bible, “Do not fear.” There are many different…
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Love in Public
I heard a beautiful quote that justice is love in public. What does loving look like? How much does my desire for love become thwarted by my own dysfunction and aspire for control?
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Losing My Head
My husband Shann and I had a bit of a spat in Oklahoma City after our daughter’s junior recital. After all the planning, there was an issue with the video recording of the event.
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A + B = C
In math, A + B normally should equal C. In life, the same should happen. A loving home will produce loving kids. However, this is not always the case.
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The Danger of Must
I recently wrote a piece about Dad being an amazing culture changer and described with intensity a father who neglects his daughter and a mother who criticizes hers.
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Culture Changer
Dad was a culture changer. He envisioned a home with a true loving, present father who asked forgiveness of his children and encouraged dialogue even if there was disagreement. Not many homes have this.
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Skilled Parents
Parenting is hard. What makes matters worse is that people often don’t work to figure out how to be skilled as a parent.
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Speed Friendship
Our family has a fun mealtime activity called “Speed Friendship.” We ask a question and quickly find out more about whoever is at the table. Examples of questions we might ask are: · Favorite color to wear?
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Self-Responsible Leadership
Dad loved parenting, and he was a fantastic Dad. He and Mom taught Shann and me so much about the daily habits of being a meaningful parent.
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Hey Dad
When I was younger, I loved to yell, “Hey, Dad, what would you give me if I make this shot?” One of the biggest wagers we made was at Silver Lake.
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Good Judgment
If you fly to Oklahoma City, you will see a famous quote by Will Rogers: “Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” Dad was a phenomenal teacher of good judgment for…
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Loneliness Observed
My grandmother grew up in a severely austere home. Her mother did not believe in affection and ruled her family with a no-nonsense mentality.
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Secret Sauce
One of the best skills Dad gave our family was the family meeting. Before an event, this meeting time was crucial to outline the expectations of the family and each other.
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The Gift of a Good Father
My friend told me, “I didn’t have a dad like yours. He left our family through an affair and wanted to reconcile later in life.
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Love’s Discipline
Shann teaches poetry at Stanford, and our family is doing the lectures and lessons together. I can’t believe how incredible this experience has been. I have been a lousy student.
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Proof is in the Pudding
When we ask forgiveness without change, we commit further harm. Teresa was an angry parent.
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Compelled by fear or love?
I read about a twin separated from her sister for years. Her grandmother lost her in a crowded market in Korea when she was quite young. Though her family searched for her, they never found her.
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The Psalm 1 Tree
I recently asked what is bringing someone joy lately, and he responded by learning about trees. He said with all the latest advances in forestry, so much is being learned about trees no one knew before.
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Building a Loving Home
When Shann and I had three daughters, we imagined a home full of love and joy for one another. How could we make this dream a reality?
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The Negative Spiral
One of my favorite times with Dad was to discuss poor coaching or poor parenting as they share similarities. Dad had incredible insights into how we contribute to the unconscious dissolution of a team or family.
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Ferch Church
When I was growing up, Dad made time with God something sacred, intentional, and interesting. He hated the idea of church or discussion about God being boring.
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Spotlight
We spotlight every meal, and it can be challenging to find new and meaningful ways to spotlight others.
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Creative Learning
When I was young, Dad would make devotional times meaningful. He would grab plain white paper and put color crayons, markers, and highlighters on the table.
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Loving Father
My brother called last week. I picked up the phone and heard a choking cry. I panicked. “What’s wrong?!” I said. Jay wept hard into the phone, “I miss Dad.” We cried together for a while.
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Master Teacher
Dad was a maverick and exceptional teacher. He grasped ways to make concepts understandable way before the science of pedagogy confirmed his teaching methods.
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Next Generation
One of the verses Dad and I memorized together was Deuteronomy 4:7-9, a beautiful set of verses reminding parents to pass on what they have seen and witnessed as transformation from God to the next generations.
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Disagreement without Discord
One skill I am incredibly grateful for in my Dad is the peace he had to navigate difficult topics with wisdom and care. My Dad welcomed any topic in the home for Jay and me.
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Oyster Mouth
Dad and I both struggle with our mouths sometimes. Dad said things he should not say. I would get so frustrated with him when he would do this.
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Daily Forgiveness
I met with some very lovely friends who want to create a language of forgiveness. I love this idea because forgiveness is such a misunderstood topic.
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Decide
Deuteronomy 30:19 “I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life so that you and your children may live.” This verse was one of my Dad’s favorites.
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Reborn
My oldest daughter Natalya turned twenty-five Sunday. Dad was there for her birth.
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Love must be Sincere
Dad believed fully what Mother Teresa said, “Christ’s love is always stronger than evil in the world… this kind of love begins at home.
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Relationship Over Rules
Dad disliked rules over relationships. In our home, he cared more that there was love in our hearts for God than if we went to church or read the Bible.
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Bedtime stories
Dad was a magnificent storyteller. He could mesmerize audiences at camp with stories of Challenger, our big black lab, or make everyone howl with laughter by a funny face or a silly expression. Dad loved stories.
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Worthy of Imitation
My good friend was in town on a recruiting trip, and he stayed with Shann and me. He loved Dad and considered Dad in many ways a second father.
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Never Bored
Dad hated the phrase, “I’m bored.” He believed great coaching, teaching, and parenting never allowed for boredom. He believed it was the responsibility of the teacher and the student to work together to create exciting learning opportunities.
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Fun Dad
Dad was a very fun dad. He enjoyed games. He loved playing with my brother and me. When I was little, Dad and I would always have a game of hide and seek.
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Dear Parents of Teens
When my daughter Natalya turned fourteen, our relationship didn’t feel the same. I felt like she didn’t want to connect, and I wanted to blame her. I read books about teens.
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Beautiful Faith
Following up on last week’s WOH. I wanted to discuss my Dad’s beautiful love for Christ. He always cherished my faith and did not look at my life with concern or fear.
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Finding Balance
I loved asking Dad his thoughts about parenting and coaching- both are similar. An authoritarian coach or parent who leads with fear and intimidation creates difficult home and team dynamics.
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A Loving Dad
A few days after Dad died, my friend sent me a loving text and ended with: You won the “Dad of the century” award.
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Wisdom
My dad had wisdom that resulted in practical ways to live. Before he died, I asked him about a parent who had a young child acting out in preschool— hitting others and disobeying the teacher.
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Mealtime Conversation
Our family created a ritual around mealtime conversation. This ritual refined through the years, but it emerged from my Dad’s quote he often used, “Great people talk about ideas, mediocre people talk about things, and small people talk…
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The Inside Story
Fred Rogers, the famous child inspirational television star, said, “There is an inside story for every outside behavior.” If every teacher, coach, and, most importantly, parents will understand every behavior a child exhibits has an inside story.
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All in Today?
The crucial question… My daughter Jennifer tells the story of being seven years old. She braved a flight of steps to the high board at the Samford U pool.
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Chreia-pithy Education
KEY STATEMENT. To encourage someone is to give them oxygen. 12-year-old Bella Crowell Ferch gives us an education on what 6 graders are learning at the Oaks Classical Christian Academy.
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Joy of Fatherhood
What are the two most important qualities of father excellence in teaching Lifeball to children? My life experience in being a teacher/coach and a father, tell me children crave father figure leadership.
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Mothers
How does a boy become a man without a good mother? This is a mystery to me. When I journeyed to my secret place or the place I also call the secret garden, I held the notion that…
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Crowell’s Law – Twice Good
It is not good enough for a son to become as good as his father or a daughter to become as good as her mother. Good enough means being twice as good!
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Boys to Men
Words of Wisdom for All Boys Dr. James Jones, a leader of youth, once told me, “There are four vital foundations to govern your life by.” Control your environment.
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State of Life Address to the four most important people in my life
Dear and Lovely Crowell’s, my A-Team! You have expanded the A-Team to a United Team of 11 Saints.
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A Healthy Coach Has Character
This guest Words of Hope is written by Janice Foland. OUR KIDS NEED HEALTHY COACHES WITH CHARACTER. How do we select healthy coaches for our kids?
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Mindful Management & Self-regulation, Part 1
I have been privileged to spend many years educating, encouraging, inspiring and challenging youth. The foremost life skills have been: I have been privileged to spend many years educating, encouraging, inspiring and challenging youth.
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Is Your Quiver Full
In the days of old a quiver full of quality arrows was a must. It was the difference between life and death. The Psalmist used a quiver as a simile for a man having many sons.
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Legacy Gifting, Part 1
Children are precious gifts from the Lord. The greatest legacy gift parents can give their children is to live St. Paul’s parenting virtues , especially in his letter to the Philippians.
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The End Game
In my career coaching years, I discovered a valuable premise which, in turn, can be transferred to practical life. I call it THE END GAME . How was it discovered in basketball?
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The Wise Parent
The wise parent knows and understands that the ultimate test of successful parenting is the day when their son or daughter has matured to the place the parent(s) is able to say… “Amazing child you now are ready…
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Destiny Dream Makers
“Why did your father end up living alone with a bottle of alcohol in his hand with no hope?” -Dr. Shann Ferch This question could be asked of every street beggar and homeless person.
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Train to Win
WIN – “To be successful or victorious in a contest or conflict.” – Dictionary To win is a verb; a verb connotes action; action involves work; work is learned behavior. Therefore to win is learned behavior. Fact.
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Train Children to Win
The idea of teaching – coaching a child to win hit me like a ton of bricks. As a general rule parents are not teaching their children to win. Teachers are not teaching their students to win.
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Destiny Dream Makers
Every child has a destiny. God ordained each child to be His precious miracle. Adults help children discover that miracle and their destiny. There is nothing like a small child.
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Effective Parenting Part 1 – Three Master Keys
Crowell’s Life Skills for Effective Parenting by Fred Crowell The Difference: A Relentless Pursuit of Excellence The difference between poor and good; good and great; great and excellence is a “never quit” mind set.
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Look at Me, Boys!
Key Statement: You listen with your eyes. What you don’t see is often more important than what you can see. True Story: 10:30 PM, dark, bitter cold, winter night. Anacortes, Washington.
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Too Busy or Don’t Care
Key Statement: If you are too busy or don’t care enough to spend quality time, without any distractions, with a spouse, a child, a dear friend, or a person in need you care about, the true fact is…
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The Father of Learning
Imitation, leading by example, is the superior method of education. To qualify to be a credible father or significant mentor, it is a twofold process: *PTR – proven track record. *WOBI – worthy of being imitated.
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Anecdote for Bullies
“Do not be afraid; be strong and courageous.” -Joshua Joshua was challenged three times to: Be strong and of good courage. Only be strong and very courageous.
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National Treasures
The United States of America’s most valuable and most neglected resources. American’s treasure is youth. Adults deplore looking old. New and young are the trophies of today. Heaven forbid growing old.
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NO!!! no, no, no.
At the Crowell’s there is a big difference between NO! and no, no, no. Early in my teaching and coaching career, the following story impacted me.
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Who Are Your Fans?
“Without people to cheer there is no such thing as a ‘Star’.” – Arnold Palmer Arnold Palmer was one of golf’s greatest players but more clearly Arnold’s greatest award is the “ one who valued the fans .”…
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Worm Tongue
On average we speak 1300 words a minute each day of our lives. What are we telling ourselves? We better be careful of the worm tongue.
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It’s a Girl
A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all her life. The Lord’s promise made to us in St.
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Effective Parenting Part 2 – The Power of Choice
Crowell’s Life Skills for Effective Parenting by Fred Crowell The Difference: A Relentless Pursuit of Excellence The difference between poor and good; good and great; great and excellence is a “never quit” mind set.
