Grief & Loss
Articles mainly about death of a loved one, mourning, missing someone, comfort in sorrow, heaven.
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Grief at the Crossroads
Smoke hangs heavy in the Spokane air. I try to block out the images the ash or smoke represent.
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Singing Through the Sorrow
When I was young, my dad loved a song which began, “How can I say thanks for the things you have done for me, things so undeserved yet you proved to show your love for me.
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Navigating Losses
One of my mentors, Henri Nouwen writes about life as you age toward death, “Your whole life is filled with losses, endless losses. And every time there are losses, there are choices to be made.
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Good News
In my devotional, I was feeling sad when I opened an advent book by one of my favorite authors, Henri Nouwen.
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A New Father
One of the greatest losses a child can experience is father loss. Father loss comes in many forms. A three-year-old boy’s father dies in a plane crash.
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True Desire
What is your true desire? Can you peel back the reasons for the way you want to live?
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Merry Christmas
One Christmas Season, Dad felt at the apex of frustration with his stage four cancer diagnosis. Worn out and weary to the bone, he tried to navigate both the physical and emotional work of managing his pain.
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Full of Wishes
I love Henri Nouwen. I imagine him spending time with Dad in heaven. Henri always longed for a deeply loving friend, and he would have found that in Dad.
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Cheering On
Our daughter Ariana is on the National Tour of The Sound of Music . What joy for our family!
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Bonhoeffer on Death
“…LIFE ONLY BEGINS WHEN IT ENDS HERE ON EARTH” – Bonhoeffer St. Paul has often been quoted, “Death where is thy victory, where is thy sting?” In some mysterious way, both the apostle Paul and German martyr Dietrich…
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Never Forgotten
We recently visited a church on Stanford University’s campus. It is magnificent and breathtaking.
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The Miracle of Hope
My dad loved his mother. She was the saving grace in a home full of pain and suffering. Her death profoundly influenced my dad. He became agnostic for a while because of it.
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Words of Home: This is Home
I am reading aloud a beautiful book to my mom. It is called the White Stone by Esther de Waal.
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Do Not Forget God
We visited a few World War II sites in Prague recently. We drove to the genocide site of Lidice, razed by the Germans after the assassination of Heydrich. The Nazis shot all the men behind a barn.
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My Last
I am in my 35th year of marriage. It is a lovely and loving time. We survived the first year of empty nesting after 27 years of children in the home. Now the house is very silent.
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Meditating on Comfort
There is a bridge in Prague that is one of the most famous in the world. Near one end is a metal statue, most of the others are entirely of stone.
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Answered Prayer
My husband Shann wrote the libretto for an opera about the life of Zechariah and Elizabeth highlighting the human suffering of barrenness.
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It’s Only You
When life gets so hard, we seem to be in a place we cannot describe. In fact, we do want other people, but it seems to be ONLY YOU. Please let me explain.
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A Time to Mourn
I am back writing Words of Hope for the remainder of the year. I took a lengthy break for several reasons. Mostly because I was sad. Grief is complex that way.
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The Complexity of Grief
A friend sent me a video of their school singing the worship song, “Goodness of God” by CeCe Winans. This is the song our family sang at Dad’s celebration of life.
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Ask
I have been at my parents’ place, praying where my dad prayed. I imagine him here and picture him praying.
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Awakened
I met with a beautiful friend about grief . She asked me about my journey with Dad’s death and how it has affected me. “Like a major car wreck, like a life altering experience,” I explained.
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Facing the Unimaginable
My daughter is in her Freshman year at Pepperdine. This past week a group of senior girls were walking in a busy part of the pacific coast highway just four miles from Pepperdine when a young man lost…
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Having Faith Beyond Our Why
In our office there is a photo of my friend’s son who died recently in an accident. He is smiling and as I walk by, it looks like he is smiling at me.
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Metanoia
I love the word metanoia. It’s not necessarily a pretty word but the meaning is beautiful to me. It means a change in thinking and behaving resulting from penitence or spiritual conversion with a future orientation.
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Death is Strange
My mom’s good friend died last week. She was in her early seventies and the epitome of health. Last March, she and mom vacationed together. They lifted weights, walked every day, ate healthy, and enjoyed each other.
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Words of Hope
I love thinking about the phrase, “Words of Hope.” I meditate on each piece of the phrase. WORD – Some of my dad’s favorite scripture verses he and I memorized include this.
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Psalm 20
One of the first passages we all memorized as a staff was Psalm 20. It’s my go-to passage for those in distress.
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Love is in the One on One
I have had a long break from Words of Hope for various reasons. Primarily, I needed to regain my footing.
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We Croak
One of our family friends has an app that’s called “We Croak.” Seven times during the day, a small alarm goes off and a quote pops up as a reminder on how to live.
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Dad’s Last Podcast
I received a beautiful letter from William May who told me stories about his appreciation for my dad. He shared with me a podcast I didn’t know Dad was part of.
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Memorial Day
I am feeling afraid to remember. What if I struggle to remember? What if I don’t want to think of all the white crosses and the families with an empty place at the table?
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Overflowing Hope
I am so thankful my dad called these little devotionals Words of Hope . I bless him for this.
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Gratitude in Grief
Growing up my family had a daily ritual of reading Our Daily Bread every morning at the table. No matter who was staying or living at our home at the time, everyone participated.
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Time for Good News
I am often surprised by sorrow. I didn’t realize how many different shades of sadness I could experience. Small moments trigger me, and I am often triggered, especially when people say something to me about my dad.
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Good Friday
One of the gifts God has given me is a reframing of what I define as good. It’s been a long life lesson. I believe the disciples learned this lesson.
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Devastating Beauty
My husband Shann teaches poetry for Stanford. I read one of his lessons and it was so beautiful I felt like crying. He says that courage is needed to be a poet.
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Multiplication
March 18th was the birthday of my beloved father. I have been crying on and off all week. March is our family’s birthday month, and Dad is deeply missed during this time.
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Moments of Wonder
I sit watching about 20 robins congregating in the trees. They greet each other noisily and swoop continuously between my neighbor’s tree and mine. They have bright red breasts and look so happy together.
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Lenten Season
Today marks the beginning of Lent. It’s a time that triggers strong images and memories of Dad. I can picture him walking around New York City with an ashen cross on his forehead.
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Enough
I have been reading my dad’s Words of Hope messages lately. I was surprised to find one in April of 2021 where my dad wrote, “My promise for 2021 is just to live in the reality that enough…
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Tomorrow!
I am reading a historical novel about Quebec set in 1697. The author, one of my favorites, did extensive research for this book.
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Interior Garden
I have been thinking about the Fall and the Garden of Eden, specifically what was lost in our relationship with God and with each other.
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Focal Point
My best frame of mind comes from meditation on gratitude and the truth that I belong to God. Every time I draw my attention away from these focal points I wind up off balance.
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Discipline
I am thankful that my dad instilled in me the discipline of scripture memory. I have been memorizing in earnest since 2005 and have had about 450-550 working verses.
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Wrong Direction
My car was turned the wrong direction when we were leaving the house. It was facing the direction leading to my mom and dad’s home.
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Intentions
Dad loved the promise of the new year. He loved journals, plans, and renewal. Yesterday, on New Year’s Day, a group of us gathered around the table to discuss how to enter 2023 with intention.
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Time Intolerable
Grief continues to surprise me. The other night I missed Dad so much I just lay on my bed crying for a while. The pain of his loss felt like a sharp dagger.
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Remembering Veterans Day
I read a short story about a firsthand account of the suffering in Iraq aloud to Mom and Dad. Afterward, they read the rest of the book.
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On Writing Words of Hope
A very sweet friend took me to lunch. She has been so kind in sending encouragement after a Words of Hope message she resonated with. As we met for lunch, she asked me about the writing process.
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Worth the Pain
I have been missing Dad so much lately. I walked by a neighborhood bench where he liked to sit and pray and shocked myself by bursting into tears. They came without warning.
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Eternal Joy
I recently visited Oklahoma to support my daughter Ari who was playing Margo in Bright Star the musical. While I was there, I sat in a chair my dad had sat in five years earlier.
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God’s Heartbreak
Shann and I were part of a prayer retreat recently. Each day had two or three presenters.
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Heartbreak
Recently Shann and I participated in a contemplative prayer retreat. One of the beautiful and elegant questions asked was, “What breaks your heart?” One of the things that breaks my heart is a child without a loving, present…
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Hey Dad
When I was younger, I loved to yell, “Hey, Dad, what would you give me if I make this shot?” One of the biggest wagers we made was at Silver Lake.
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Essential Art
Last year we were in NYC to commemorate the twentieth anniversary of 9/11. We were with some friends who are artists. For me, art is truly the only way I can process tragedies.
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Bitterness Considered
I was rereading Dad’s Words of Hope on anxiety he wrote on April 21, 2021. He discusses lessons learned from nurse Laurie who served with Hospice for many years.
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The Wisdom of Sorrow
I recently went to a memorial, and one of the main verses was Ecclesiastes 7:2. I took time to look at this verse in various translations.
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Suffering Observed
When my Dad was ill during the last weeks of his life, he mostly lay on his back. His cancer treatment medication caused him to gain weight rapidly through the 12-plus years he was on it.
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Back to Basics
When I feel the deep ache of loss and start feeling sad about Dad being gone, I go back to the fundamentals. I go back to the basics; Dad taught: solitude and gratitude.
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A beautiful death
Today is the anniversary of my Dad’s death. Our family is traveling together. Mom and Dad’s house, where he passed away, has been sold. I wanted to get out of town.
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Acquainted with Grief
We are approaching the one-year anniversary of my Dad’s death. I can feel the sorrow rising in me. I am quick to tears; my bones feel heavy, and my sleep is more troubled.
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Giving Hope
I heard from two people last week that Dad’s “Words of Hope” book brought people comfort. One person gave the book to a family who lost a teenage son to suicide.
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Days of Plenty
My middle daughter, Ariana, is playing at the professional summer theatre in Coeur d’ Alene in Little Women the Musical.
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Life-Giving Presence
Someone asked me how I was doing with my Dad’s death. I told her, “Honestly, it is much more painful than I thought.
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The Anchor and the Cross
A friend of mine called me. Her daughter lost her fiancé in a devasting accident a few months before their wedding. This grief feels unbearable to me.
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Surprised by Joy
I had been dreading Father’s Day. I woke up on Father’s Day, assuming it would be a bone-crushing day of sorrow, but it wasn’t. I left deep gratitude for my Dad and felt very close to him.
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Celebration of Life
Thank you so much for coming to the celebration of life! For those unable to attend the Fred Crowell Celebration of Life, here is the video of the event: Fred Crowell Celebration of Life Opening Welcome and prayer…
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RPE4FJC
My brother and I made some rocks to give at the Celebration of Life with the letters RPE4FJC. RPE stands for Relentless Pursuit of Excellence-one of Dad’s favorite reminders. Excellence means greatness or distinction, to tower above.
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Memorial Day
In the book of John, we have this definition of love, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lays his life down for his friends.” In this brief definition, we have the image of love involving…
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Daily Grace
I am reading Ulysses by James Joyce. Truly not the easiest read but entertaining nonetheless.
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Celebration of Life
My Dad’s celebration of life is nearing. I look forward to honoring the life of my Dad. Dad loved parties because he loved people.
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Ego Dying
One thing I have been marveling at since my father’s death is the realization of grief. I feel I am awakening into the color of grief as distinguishable from despair, loneliness, and anguish.
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Light in the darkness
We watched an evocative movie the other day. It was a modern parallel of the road to Calvary.
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Only Seven Seconds
Shann and Bella had a late-night this week, and I was alone in the house for the first time in a while. I sat on the couch watching the sunset.
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True testimony
I celebrated Easter at my Mom and Dad’s church. It was my Mom’s first Easter without Dad.
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Heaven
I can’t fully express my gratitude for having such a fantastic Dad. He was incredible with people, and he always had time for me—how did he do this?
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He’s Alive
One of the first concerts I attended was in Birmingham, Alabama. It was Don Francisco live. My mom and Dad took me to the show. We loved his music, and my all-time favorite song was He’s Alive.
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Unafraid
My Mom and I went to tea the other day and talked about Dad. This journey of grief is new for me. I want to support my Mom but find my sorrow overwhelming me in the process.
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The Gift of Friendship
Shann has a beautiful coffee table book that just came out on Amazon in collaboration with his artist friend, Craig Hergert.
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Celebration of Life
Come celebrate the life of Fred Crowell founder of NBC Camps. All are welcome at Real Life Church auditorium in Post Falls. Reception directly after followed by 30min worship and solo concert.
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Garden
As I plan for Dad’s Celebration of Life, the person helping me organize the décor told me that because the stage is large, she imagined we could make it like a garden and asked if my Dad liked…
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The Body Remembers
One day, I was wiping down the bathroom sink. Focused and intensely absorbed in my work, I didn’t hear my oldest daughter Natalya come into the room. She came up behind me and hugged me.
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Bright Star
My brother and I are planning my Dad’s Celebration of Life. Dad loved short phrases and slogans, so I love to call his memorial day Dad’s COL.
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Dust to Dust
I am surprised by my lethargy around the death of my Dad. It really has taken the wind out of me.
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Tears of Christ
Watching the war in Ukraine has been devasting. The cruelty of Putin, the shocking images of destruction, the terror that feels palpable around the globe.
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Small Whisper
This was my first birthday without my Dad with me in person. Birthdays always involved dinner together with a beautiful mealtime conversation.
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Celebration of Life
My Dad started talking about dying in the last few years. Honestly, it bugged me. I didn’t want to talk about his funeral; I didn’t want to have any of his possessions; I didn’t want to imagine my…
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Loving Father
My brother called last week. I picked up the phone and heard a choking cry. I panicked. “What’s wrong?!” I said. Jay wept hard into the phone, “I miss Dad.” We cried together for a while.
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The Book of Peace
Shann had his first dream of my Dad last week. He had been wondering when he would have one.
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Beauty over Utility
I have never loved flowers as a gift. They have always seemed to be an extravagance. I would rather Shann buy me a vacuum or a pair of shoes, something durable and useful.
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Eternal Life
Last spring, I read Dad and Mom a beautiful short story from Anthony Doer’s book, Memory Wall .
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Too Soon
I spoke to one of Dad’s lifelong friends from California. They expressed sorrow because they did not get to say goodbye in person to Dad. My dear friend from Hawaii said the same thing.
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Struggle
I looked back on my recent WOH and several begin with the words: Dad struggled. I find it important to consider unconscious repetition. The word struggle means to trample or to wrestle.
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Stone or Life
Grief is tough. My Dad tried to overcome his grief for the few years after his mom’s death, but many situations triggered his pain and anger.
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Garment of Praise
Sorrow can feel like a heavy shroud. I sometimes feel suffocated by it if I allow my mind to think of no more time with Dad, no more calls, no more chats by the fire, or surprise trips.…
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Poetry
I wouldn’t say Dad loved poetry when he was younger, but he definitely grew to love poetry. We both found poetry more and more beautiful after knowing my husband, Shann.
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Is
I have been wrestling with language around my Dad’s death. I don’t like to say I lost my Dad because I didn’t lose him. I have full confidence I know where he is.
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The God of All Comfort
My Dad believed fully in Christ and in His resurrection power. He did not fear death but trusted implicitly in the message that the dead in Christ shall be raised.
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The Human Soul
The day after Thanksgiving was difficult. I found myself feeling quite sad about Dad.
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You are a Miracle
Dad delighted in people. Wherever he went, he made lifelong friends. On the day he died, I called many people whose numbers were on his phone to say goodbye. If we missed you, I am very sorry.
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Veterans Day
My dad loved veterans and felt deeply grateful for his friends and family who served. One man that he came to know and love fought in the Vietnam war. They were around the same age.
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No Dis-Aster
The night Dad died, the sky was full of color, the sun was blood red with Hesperus, the evening star was visible.
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Dad’s Voice
I asked my Mom what the most challenging part of her journey right now was, and she paused for a minute and then said, “Not hearing his voice.
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Lean Back
A song comforting me during this painful loss of my Dad has been “Lean Back,” written by Tony Brown, Chris Mcclarney, Nate Moore, and Amanda Lindsay Cook.
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The God of Hope
Several people reached out to me after the Words of Hope in which I shared not being able to hear Dad’s voice on the voice message I saved. I wanted to follow up on that story.
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Grief
Hope, Dad’s dog knew he was dying. She lay by his bed and would rest her head on his arm.
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Fred Crowell’s Celebration of Life
We would like to invite you to Fred Crowell’s celebration of life ceremony Sunday afternoon, May 29, 2022, at an event center in the greater Spokane-Post Falls-Coeur d’ Alene Metro area.
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Outside of Time
My Dad left me a lengthy voicemail before he died. I waited to listen to it for a few weeks after he passed, waiting for a time I really needed to hear his voice.
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Heaven Minded
Dad met with his doctor for the last time in July. A cancer doctor is such a massive part of a cancer patient’s life.
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You can trust God
I trusted my Dad. He created a very safe space for me to share with him my life and my struggles. He listened well and encouraged me without judgment or shame.
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Find Ways to Laugh
Laughing seems difficult for me right now. I almost didn’t write this though I felt my Dad intentionally gave me this word. Dad loved rocks with words inscribed on them.
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Live in Forgiveness
The keyword I wanted to focus on for today is, forgive. I know that as Dad crossed over into eternity, any memories of bitterness, resentment, or unforgiveness simply cannot accompany him into the presence of the Lord.
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Creating Your Own Secret Garden
I have felt fairly bereft with dad’s passing, so I have decided to set a daily intention, something he would encourage me to consider for the day.
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From Fred’s Daughter Jennifer
Fred Crowell passed away on Wednesday, August 11, at around 7:40 pm. Fred is my Dad, and I’ve had the unparalleled blessing of being raised by such a devoted and loving father.
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Special Announcement
Hi All, My dad has taken a very serious turn. We keep hoping it is temporary and he makes a remarkable recovery as he has done in the past.—But he is quite ill.
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Dying Well
Dying well begins with living well. Nearly 40 years ago, one of my best friends from Seattle called me. His words were: “Fred, I am really afraid.
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What’s up People?
Here I sit in my easy chair, at 4 AM, wondering about life. How is it possible, so many diverse thoughts roam through my brain like a river flowing over rocks?
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Death Moment(s)
KEY STATEMENT: If you have experienced a death moment you are never the same. If you have not experienced a death moment, be prepared because you will likely have a death moment experience.
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Heavy Heart Therapy
Imagine a valentine heart shape burdened with a heavy backpack running to jump and clear a high bar.
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Two Choices – We Get Bitter or We Get Better
God’s mercy is for everyone. “And so dear brothers and sisters, ‘I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all He has done for you.
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Coach Ed Pepple
Ed Pepple (1932-2020) was a great high school basketball coach for 49 years in the state of Washington, 42 of those years at Mercer Island High School.
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Death
“You aren’t ready to live until you are ready to die.” — Ray Eberle My days in the book of Matthew completed. The last chapters are like the last days of our lives. Death is the reality.
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The Incomprehensible Mystery of God
Doubtlessly, humans were created to think and act with logic in mind. If it makes sense and is understandable, in today’s world it becomes acceptable.
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It Is Well with My Soul
One of my most favorite songs is “It Is Well with My Soul.” The lyrics are what I need, sometimes several times a day.
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Mothers
How does a boy become a man without a good mother? This is a mystery to me. When I journeyed to my secret place or the place I also call the secret garden, I held the notion that…
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Survive or Surrender
When tragedy or misfortune strikes there are two choices. The most difficult choice is to survive. The least painful way is to surrender. WIND RIVER it’s a movie based on a true story.
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Silence
“He comes to me in the silence.” – Mark Forrest Knock knock Who’s there? Silence, I’ve come to see you because you need me! Please come in, because I don’t know how to experience silence.
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Finding Hope in a Corrupt World, Part 1
HOPE is a favorable and confident expectation . Who should not want HOPE? It is light! The opposite is darkness, which is despair. We can also say HOPE is: Gravity to hold us in place.
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Too Late May Be a Tragedy
“I love you Mom!” Oh, how I wish I would have told Katheen Mitchell Crowell these four simple words before her death. However, speaking love was not in our family’s vocabulary. It was not spoken…ever.
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The Mystery of the Fatherhood of God
It is my personal conviction fatherhood loss is one of the most mental and emotional challenges for a child to overcome . How might this loss have occurred in a child’s life?
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Time Evaporates
Moses said, ”Teach us to number our days.” St. James said, “Your life is like a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow.” The Psalmist said, “Life is as short-lived as grass.
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Tstvs-life Savings Letters
5 letters to memorize in this order T = TAKE S = SUICIDE T = THREATS V = VERY S = SERIOUSLY Take Suicide threats very seriously!
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Why I Hate Suicide
With firm conviction, this potentially life-changing message is dedicated with heartfelt compassion to every person who suffers from the loss of a loved one to the brutal killer, suicide, and for the victims who suffered so greatly, they…
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Too Much Suffering, Part I
Hardly a day goes by without someone telling me of their intense suffering. Most recent examples are: An Alaskan village friend sharing about a murder in a neighboring village.
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Man on a Mission
Get out of my way if you don’t want to be loved; if you don’t want to receive kindness, if you don’t want to be told over and over again that you are a miracle if you don’t…
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Son, Stand Up!
A father, with a soft hand on his son’s shoulder, whispered, “Son, stand up,” as they watched the son’s wife of 40 years being lowered in her casket to her grave.
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Two Worlds
“Boy, we live in two different worlds and we both are extremely happy.” -Long Time Friend As I read this email from a former classmate I began to reflect on the idea of people living in two different…
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What Happened?
“Days are long sometimes. Very long, but life is way too short, way to brief.” -Fred Crowell 30 years ago, Fred Crowell was living in what he calls the Golden Era of Life.
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Goodbye Mighty Mite
An emergency call from Spokane to our stateroom 7051 on the MS Rotterdam, as we prepared to enter the Panama Canal, brought sad news.
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Say Hello to Abba Father
It took me over 60 years of my life to say hello to my Heavenly Father. Now my cup has run over.
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All Paths Lead Somewhere
Mike is an amazing example of a miracle. Former superintendent of schools, coached two Washington State girls’ state basketball teams and one golf championship team. Judy was the love of Mike and their son Eric’s lives.
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FUNERAL – Victory or defeat?
“Death where is thy victory, where is thy Sting?” – Paul Saturday was a funeral day for the Crowells. Hundreds came to celebrate the life of Dr.
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Tribute to Mr. Gene Avey
“A dear friend to all dedicated to educating youth, to dream dreams, to love life, to serve family with no reservation and, in a quiet, gentle manner, be all His for the glory of God.
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The Agony of Defeat
“The thrill of victory is worth the risk of the agony of defeat.” – Mike Tauriainen, civil engineer, former Crowell player at UAF. Spokanites are grieving Gonzaga’s heart breaking give away loss to Syracuse.
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Do Not Be Afraid
“His appearance was like lightening and His clothes white as snow.” Today my remarkable friend David Tucker will be honored at his memorial service. Mr.
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More Than Conquerors – Romans 8
“Death where is thy victory? Where is thy sting?” 1 Corinthians 15:55 David Tucker Story My beloved friend is on his final journey to have victory over death.
