Adjustment

Henri Nouwen writes, “Let my old self die, and let me die to the big and small ways in which I am still building up my false self, and trying to cling to my false desires.

Let me be reborn in You and see the world in the right way, so that all my actions, words, and thoughts, can become a hymn of praise to You.

This is the road to freedom.

Lord, dispel my mistrust and help me become a trusting friend. Amen.”

I love Henri’s honesty. I loved that about my dad. He was fully willing to look at the old self and the small and big ways he created a false sense of himself in the world.

Dad worked to be a trusted friend and to trust me through loving action by inviting correction and inviting us to speak into his life with kindness and insight. I could say to Dad, “That tone wasn’t very loving.” He would stop and ask forgiveness, and thank me for bringing this to his attention.

This generous ability to move a powerful man really changed my life. I think of how much this is needed in the world.

I am surrendering myself to Shann and my girls as well—those beloved in my life. I give them freedom to adjust my old self with its worries and envy and ambition and fears. They feel my toxic emotions as discomfort, and I give them authority to call them out, to name them. Then it is on me to humbly ask forgiveness.

There is tremendous freedom in this. More than I anticipated. My desire to defend my old toxic self has gone away. I imagine it will crop up again. But for the moment, I relish the joy in being able to be adjusted for the beloved other.

This is the road to becoming a trusting and trusted friend.

“The grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all, training us to renounce impiety and worldly passions, and in the present age to live lives that are self-controlled, upright, and godly.” Titus 2:11-12