Beneath the Surface

My dad could discern the root motives of others. He could look past the behavior and see the unconscious compulsions of shame, envy, greed, selfishness, or fear. He could also see these inner drivers with tremendous love and compassion.

I think how often someone angry would explode at him and he would say, “I can see you have been deeply hurt by someone.” They would look so shocked and sometimes they would cry.

On occasion, Dad would get angry right back and this typically was never productive but when he responded with something unexpected like sorrow for their suffering, the effect was shocking and immediate.

One man screamed at him for walking on a “members only” dock. I thought the man was yelling at a dog that was coming to bite someone. I spun around in fear and shock expecting a charging dog. Instead, I discovered he was screaming at my father and me.

Dad, much bigger than the man, said simply and quietly, “You are an angry man.” And with so much kindness said. “You must be so lonely.” The man continued to bark at him but my dad and I left. Dad walked over to visit him later and the two eventually became friends.

How does this happen? Because my dad could see past the rage and rudeness to a broken, lonely man who had nothing but anger to help him face the world one more day.

Dad acquired this skill by becoming a student of emotions, reactions, behaviors, and motives but most of all he became a student of Jesus.

Jesus says we are His friends if we do what He commands which is to love one another.

“This is my command— love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” – John 15:12-13