Words of Hope: Praying for Good Fathers
My friend had a difficult father. He was complementary but distant to her. They had limited time together. He was unfaithful to her mom. My friend still struggles with this relationship. Though she is out of the house and has moved on in many ways working to forgive her dad for his treatment of her and her mom, the unconscious harm can be seen by the combat armor she wears around others, and in her fear of vulnerability and her need to always be perfect. Physical beauty becomes paramount, something her father praised her for above other qualities.
Pain and shame can cause us to move in a defensive, protective posture; to be more guarded with those we love, to be less spontaneous and more certain, to risk less and be more careful.
When I injured my hand in a car accident, I behaved in new ways because of the tremendous pain. I moved wearily around others and limited my contact in situations that could brush or touch my hand. There are many hurts in life but when parents are the source of our pain and wounding, there are reverberations that take a lifetime to heal.
I had a beautiful, truly loving father. He was imperfect but deeply compassionate and attentive. This gift allowed me tremendous opportunities and inner peace. I see young students at camp who are stilted, pressured, lonely, or self-hating because they are missing the deep peace of a good father. Good fathers allow a child to live without this protective, isolating fear of the world around them. They eliminate the sense of dread so pervasive in the world.
How much of this present generation’s dismissal of faith comes from the absence of a lovingly present father? I enjoy contemplating Malachi 4:6. “And he will restore the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers.”
I consider what causes a father’s heart to turn, or harden toward his children? What causes children’s hearts to harden and turn from fathers? This isn’t the natural way it should be. Scripture says He will restore the hearts. Hearts were made to be full of love for one another. We don’t suffer for what we don’t know, we suffer for what we know we want but do not have. Children suffer when the father’s heart is absent.
Let’s pray for God to restore the hearts of fathers to their children and trust as the father turns in love and repentance, the children will turn with compassion and joy back to him.
And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. – Ezekiel 36:26