Words of Hope: Loving what the Beloved Loves

Shann loves loud music. He likes to feel the sound and hear the music throughout his entire body. I don’t love loud music. It is a trigger of anxious feelings in me. Dad hated loud music. Loud music was a trigger for him. When I hear loud music, it reminds me my Dad will get upset, and we need to turn the music down. My instinctual response to loud music is to brace myself. On the other hand, Shann feels peace and well-being around music played at a high volume. It relaxes him and allows him to become fully immersed in the vitality of the art form. 

Conflict often occurs in a relationship when two people have opposing points of view, such as when a person who loves silence and soft music is married to a person who loves loud music. At first, I wanted to vilify Shann and judge him for liking loud music. I wanted to make loud music “bad.” Ha, Ha! What a convenient method to get my way. But loud music is not bad; it is just not my preference. Why should I be the only one who gets my preference?

We both had to learn to give to each other. When I come home, and I hear the music thumping in the garage, I pause before I go into the house. I take an inventory of myself. How am I feeling? Did I have a tough day? Am I anxious, lonely, angry, hungry, tired? If I am any of these things, I stay in the car and pray. I start with gratitude and list all the ways I love Shann. I remember I love music too. I think of all the times we have spent dancing to music. 

I work to value Shann’s love for music. I allow my body to enter into peace. I allow my body to like loud music, to try on the experience of letting the sound fill me, to resist the urge to castigate the music, the moment. I embrace the peace of letting go of my agenda and my control of the environment and experiment what it feels like to let the music fill me. Can I learn to love what the beloved other loves? 

For by the grace given me, I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. – Romans 12:3