START STOP RULE
Chances are if you tell someone to stop doing something, there will be an instinctive resistance. By nature, we resist correction and do not like to be told “No.” True? Have you noticed this even in a young baby?
Think about an excellent coach/parent/teacher in your life who uses the “Start” method of correction as opposed to the “Stop” method. (The Stop method receives lots of No responses inwardly or outwardly.)
Here is an example. A teacher may say, “Stop doing that right now or I am going to send you to the principal’s office.” In contrast, a teacher could say, “You are too good to be doing your own thing while we are learning altogether.”
And here are contrast statements examples.
- “Stop being mean to your kids” vs. “What kindness can you start showing to your kids?”
- “Stop being late” vs. “What do I need to do to help you be on time?”
- “You make me, as your boss, angry when you are late” vs. “Being on time to meetings is important because your contributions and support mean so much.”
In dealing with others, praise improves hearing. A wise basketball coach discreetly said this.
Stop is negative. Start is positive. What do you need to start doing today?
In addition, some stops are equally important. In traffic, the stop signs and red lights prove this. Accordingly, what do you need to start that will stop a worthless behavior?