INTIMACY – THE NEED TO BELONG

To belong and to have something belong to you, is fundamental to fulfillment in life.

Loneliness is a horrible life experience. People go to great lengths to belong and to feel emotionally connected. We call this connection and intimacy.

Dogs and humans alike crave intimacy. Daily our Pomeranians, Kiki, the mother, and her fifth child, Mighty Might, vie for intimacy. Each dog craves one on one time with either Susie or me.

Every human craves intimacy. It is more obvious in children because they do not know how to camouflage their intentions.

Kingston Crowell was so excited to have a little sister. The first day he was a great three year old brother. By the third day he told his mother, “Put it back mommy.”

Being Poppa brings me profound joy. Each of my five grandchildren crave one on one time.

Years ago, I often drove the first born to school. One trip I got a call on the cell. Natalya informed me with these stinging words, “Poppa, this is my time, please never talk on your cell again when I am with you in the car.”

This was the wishes of a five year old. Imagine how a spouse feels when the cell is growing out our ears. TV also dominates precious intimacy time.

Just yesterday, I asked a special relationship, a college student, this question. “How is your time in your sacred place going?”

“Not good, I have been so busy with studies.” No wonder this semester has not been as enjoyable as the last one.

My reality is if I am too busy for one on one time with critical others, it means I am too busy.

Research revealed the average father gives their son no more than three minutes per day. No wonder so many sons never become men.

As Poppa, I delight in time with my grandchildren. I take the three Ferch girls on Poppa dates; usually shopping and a lunch. I ask, “Do you want it to be just you or do you want to bring a sister or a friend?”  90% of the time they prefer alone time.

Fact is, intimacy is hard work. It is focused on the other, and not focused on me.

Next time you are in a restaurant, watch a man and woman near your table eating their meal. Too often, there is no conversation between them. Why? Because they are married.

Fact is, people in our lives crave one on one time with just us. One goal I have is to tell, in writing, the very special people in my life my most intimate feelings about them. I don’t want to tell others this information at their funerals.

Thankfully I have many intimate letters to write.

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