My dad was an incredible father precisely because he created a home where we could point out ways he was not a great father, and he would ask forgiveness and change. He did not project his guilt back on us with accusations of our shortcomings, which were numerous. Instead, he welcomed ways we felt he could be a better dad.    

This worked so well because of his own inner strength and dignity. Dad demanded much from us. We were not mollycoddled. The home had high expectations.  

Dad understood the power and importance of guilt, the danger of blame and shame and the value of honest open discussion, repentance, and forgiveness and above all unconditional love.  

Dad navigated the tendency of strong parents to shame their children. He helped my brother Jay and I both be strong people. He also helped us guard against self-righteousness. A self-righteous person is a scornful person who can point out others’ faults without attending to their own.  

Dad comforted us when we felt ashamed and humbled us when we were self-righteous and avoiding guilt. He modeled this well.  

Guilt unconfessed and projected onto others causes insecurity because we are lying to ourselves. A person living a lie is by nature insecure and though they may say they feign power, their insecurities lead to greater violence and harm.  

False guilt causes us to be hampered by assuming the blame of other people. Strong self-righteous people try and give their guilt to other people. Jesus was always pointing this out in the Pharisees.  

Courage and dignity take responsibility. Guilt confessed leads to greater freedom.  

Dad lived these powerful principles.  

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:9

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