My husband Shann and I had a bit of a spat in Oklahoma City after our daughter’s junior recital. After all the planning, there was an issue with the video recording of the event. The sound worked but her head was cut out of the shot. Apparently, Facebook live narrows the screen and though she was fully in the view finder, it recorded her without a head. I felt sad (which fronts as anger) after the show which I don’t handle well as I hate to see my kids in pain. I thought Ari might be devastated. Shann hates to see our daughters in pain as well. If we are reactive rather than proactive, we argue with each other. Instead of more gracefulness in hardship I clamp down, I bite and blame. I hope I will mature enough to handle my kids’ pain without having to enact pain to feel better.  

It only takes a few minutes to get it together if I would step aside and say, “Wow, that hurts. God help me.” Without attending to my pain, I hold my pain in frustration and want someone else to carry it. Shann is the easiest target, as I am his. Yet how quickly we heal as soon as I say, “I am feeling pain right now and need a minute to collect myself.” It’s best if I walk away by myself to take a few breaths, realign with great leaders like Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross who recommend we eat our own humiliation. After a good helping of humiliation and proper perspective, we can laugh about the headless video and bring levity and peace to a relatively harmless situation. Ari really was not that upset. She said it was a bummer, but no big deal. This experience is a good metaphor not to lose my head when I perceive my child to be in pain. As my dad loved to remind us, having a preplan for your character is the best strategy when life doesn’t work the way you had dreamed.  

SHARE IT: