Words of Hope: Atomic Relational Habits
I love James Clear’s work on “atomic habits,” and his research on how to make long lasting changes.
Dad naturally understood how to build tiny daily habits that accrue over time. He lived this with his parenting. Having a terrible father gave him strong motivation to be different and he knew based on his research how difficult it is to transcend our generational patterns.
He understood that if he focused on what he hated about his father, this focal point would unconsciously steer him in that direction. Hate begets hate. Instead, he worked toward small habits of daily compassion and love.
Atomic Habits is a book people apply to work life or physical fitness, but how many are using these principles for creating stronger relationships with their family members?
Dad would say it starts with the dream. Can I imagine the family I want to create and then build the small daily habits to get to this place?
The temptation is to rush the project. The temptation is to bulldoze everything. We set what is not working ablaze with our tongues and our frustration.
Slow and steady builds the home. I think of this as I head into Thanksgiving time with family.
Can I picture the event? If my event is based on perfect circumstances, there is potential for great disappointment. If my event is based on boundless love regardless of the situation, then that is a good vision. Staying in the invisible realm not the visible. The perfect table, food, or house does not mean happiness.
Instead, I picture as clearly as I can, ways to show love for each person coming to the table. I spend time imagining what they love and what they need. I also review small atomic habits that harm the family, and ways that frustrate rather than show care. Sadly, I have quite a few.
Therefore, I give grace for the irritating habits and pray for the will to change. I pray for the will to build loving habits one interaction at a time. These small quiet, atomic level habits work to build a table of love and abounding peace.
“Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply from the heart.” – 1 Peter 1:22
