I have been meditating again on what made Dad such a wonderful father. He was a dear father because he knew how to love well. Part of the deepest aspect of love is the gift of friendship.

One of my favorite teachers, Paul Tournier says, “People are made to be loved, not analyzed.”

He believed the qualities of listening, empathy, and care provided the best framework for our interactions. 

I just spend time with a man that is intense. His method is to grill me and my faith. He assumes his faith is deeper than mine. He assumes he knows my story though we see each other very infrequently.

I have a choice facing this type of relationship. It is one that plays out in churches and Christian schools around the country. People who aspire to dominance and control rather than love and listening. 

My dad surrendered his will to dictate my life, demands on my faith, and my way of being in the world. He surrendered this control gladly knowing the pathway to love is always surrender. It is letting go instead of grabbing tightly. 

I believe he was able to do this because he lived with complete generosity and freedom. I didn’t need to be or become anything further for him. He adored me just as I was. No change needed, no proof of spiritual mastery, no accomplishment to brag about, no box to check. 

Instead, Dad was interested in presence rather than control. 

I aspire to this. I feel the ambitious grasp of needing my children to be remarkable, or needing to assert my opinion, or needing to control them. Thankfully, it is rare but sadly it is there. 

What does control indicate? It indicates fear which indicates ego. 

Love is without both. It needs nothing more. It is sufficient. It is complete. It is without fear and certainly without selfish ambition. 

I felt completely loved by my dad. I aspire to love completely like this.