Smoke hangs heavy in the Spokane air.

I try to block out the images the ash or smoke represent. A burnt tree, an incinerated roof, a child’s toy, a home filled with reminders of this daily life, maybe even the life of a beloved dog or cat.

So many homes lost. So high the cost of time, money, repair, so much so it feels not only daunting but almost insurmountable.

Loss— the etymology meaning absent, or the experience of something once expected, relied on, something needed, no longer there.

Loss reminds the senses again and again this is not a bad dream but a new reality. Not just a lost item, a lost photo, a lost home, but also the loss of our memories, dreams, security, a sense of the way things were and the suffering that something has altered the future by this loss in an irrevocable and permanent way.

And then grief ensues.

Grief surprising, smothering, blanketing like smoke leaving the hopeless realization that this is the new normal.

The etymology of grief comes from gravitas, heaviness, an overwhelming emotion difficult to surmount, difficult to arise from because of the breadth, the depth of its weight.

Here in Spokane, a town suffers collectively. Swaths of total destruction, total loss, and the overwhelming demand of time, money, and work needed to rebuild or replace what will never truly be the same.

As I survey the damage, I consider the cost of loss and grief in my own history. My family has been punctuated by profound loss. My maternal grandmother lost her first child six days after birth to jaundice. She was inconsolable to the point the doctor believed she might not live. So he asked for her help.

A small abandoned baby in his care had failure to thrive. The time needed to help this child fell beyond his time and ability. He brought the very ill child to my grandmother, despondent, bedridden, lifeless and pleaded with her to help him save this child.

She rose and went to work carefully feeding this child another mother had discarded.

Loss leads to grief and grief often to suffering. To suffer originates from the words to bear up and endure under a heavy weight. Suffering changes our mindset, it even gets passed down through the generations.

Dr Robbie Paul traced trauma through her generational lines beginning with her native nation’s first contact with white settlers. Her findings show catastrophic loss continues on or around the exact days of the previous generational trauma. The letter arriving announcing the death of a beloved child at boarding school, corresponds with a family suicide on the exact same date, a DUI, a mental breakdown— all the same date, the pain passing down the generations.

And what is the antidote for suffering?

Many have sought it in a type of high or a bottle, or simply to shut everyone and everything out. My grandmother turned grief into fear. She became “nervous Nelly”. She believed somehow if she could worry about any possible scenario, she could prevent it from happening.

C.S. Lewis wrote he was surprised how much grief feels like fear. My grandmother stuck in her grief became afraid and her worry felt like control to her. It was her bottle, her escape, her talisman against the next suffering. It wasn’t until the doctor handed her a task greater than her own personal pain, she was able to live again.

And I, a generation or more removed, still want to control my future through worry; prepping, planning, mapping, anything to avoid the work of grieving or suffering.

C.S. Lewis also speaks of his surprise of the ennui of grief, the lethargy that smites the will to do anything but escape by means of any momentary distraction disguised as pleasure.

Instead, the antidote is doing real work instead of escaping. Real work instead of endless worry.

That is the crossroad— the courage to realize the loss, grief, suffering cannot be born alone.

It begins by the work to muster the courage to ask for help. That courage leads to the miracle of others willing to shoulder the burden.

C.S Lewis writes, “Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’” —

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.

– 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

Brene Brown shared a story of a POW survivor who said the first to die were the optimists. These were the “pie on the sky” people who believed freedom would happen by Christmas. Once they lost hope, they were the first to die.

Viktor Frankl, holocaust survivor, believed those who gave hope and love to others found the will to live even in heartache and suffering. They were honest about the trauma but chose an attitude of gratitude and a will to love others.

I consider this in light of the Henri Nouwen quote in my daily devotional.

Henri writes, “An optimist says, “The war will be over; your wounds will be healed; the depression will go away; all will be better soon.” The optimist may be right, but unfortunately he or she may be wrong. For none of us can control our circumstances.

No, hope does not come from positive predictions about the state of the world anymore than does faith. Nor does hope depend on the ups and downs of our life’s particulars.

Hope, rather, has to do with God. We have hope and joy in our faith because we believe that, while the world in which we live is shrouded in darkness, God has overcome the world… We follow One who is not limited or defeated by the world’s sufferings.”

I know Dad had to fight through this understanding. He could not self manufacture peace, or joy or even love as loving as he was.

He can to understand these are gifts. They are fruit. Just as the farmer cannot force the apple to grow but can merely by faith create the environment for the plant to bear fruit, so we come to God with open hearts.

I consider the state of my heart. Is it a place for Christ’s love and light to dwell?

Am I optimistic because I want a certain outcome, or am I hopeful because my hope is in God and I trust Him for the outcome?

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” – Ephesians 3:14-19

I found my dad’s journal where he is wrestling with what procedures to choose for cancer. One of the messages that stood out to me personally was an early church teaching he had written out, Solvitur Amblando, “solved by walking.”

It is the principle that we solve stuck situations by action. The call is to do something.

What does God ask us to do when we are stuck, in pain, or uncertain?

The action is clear.

Follow Jesus. Rejoice always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances.

I picture the blind man on the side of the road. He is stuck in his blindness. People are passing by and he sits by the side of the road day after day. He learns that Jesus is passing by. He cries out. He is told to be silent.

Yet he cries out all the more not caring what others think. He is focused only on calling out to Jesus. Jesus stands still. There are not many moments in scripture where Jesus stands still.

He calls to the blind man. Heals him and tells him to go, his faith has made him well.

He then follows Jesus on the way.

Faith to move, to cry out, to run to Jesus, to ask for what is deeply desired and then to follow.

What do I need to solve through walking?

What does following Jesus require of me?

Then they came to Jericho. And later, as He was leaving Jericho with His disciples and a large crowd, a beggar who was blind named Bartimaeus, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the road. And when he heard that it was Jesus the Nazarene, he began to cry out and say, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” Many were sternly telling him to be quiet, but he kept crying out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” And Jesus stood still and said, “Call him here.” So they called the man who was blind, saying to him, “Take courage, stand up! He is calling for you.” And throwing off his cloak, he jumped up and came to Jesus. And replying to him, Jesus said, “What do you want Me to do for you?” And the man who was blind said to Him, “Teacher, I want to regain my sight!” And Jesus said to him, “Go; your faith has made you well.” And immediately he regained his sight and began following Him on the way. – Mark 10: 46-52

When I was young, my dad loved a song which began, “How can I say thanks for the things you have done for me, things so undeserved yet you proved to show your love for me. The voices of a million angels cannot express my gratitude. All that I am and ever hope to be; I owe it all to Thee.”

I can imagine Dad trying to belt out the chorus, “To God be the glory, to God be the glory for the things He has done. With His blood He has saved me, with His power, He has raised me, to God be the glory for the things He has done.”

I think of these words in light of Dad’s wrestling and deep disappointment about cancer. He had truly hoped to be made fully well.

Not having cancer, it was a challenge for me to see Dad caught in the suffering of longing for a cure. But now that I am dealing with my own story of suffering, I can see the intense desire, almost perseveration, to see everything resolved and wrapped up neatly.

It is tempting to believe I will finally be happy when my current burden is lifted, this mess made right, this injustice resolved.

But that isn’t the focus of the gospel. Healing, restoration, resurrection include the precursor of difficult stories.

I consider the invitation of the song- to God be the glory. I picture Dad finally able to belt this line with full confidence and deepest joy even when he did not receive the news he wanted about his cancer.

To me, this was the greatest victory. Dad didn’t survive cancer but he survived bitterness, discouragement and ingratitude. Dad wasn’t physically healed but his soul was deeply restored and totally at peace when he died.

This mystery of faith still surprises me as my life looks very different than I had planned. What joy! What freedom of spirit and deepest delight to sing “To God Be The Glory!”

“Not to us, LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.” – Psalm 115:1

I am reading a memoir of a Russian interpreter who helped with the identification of the body of Hitler. The Russian officers and medical advisors identified his remains by his dental records and she carried his teeth for safe keeping.

In her memoir she recalled many severe and heart breaking images of war she encountered. She questions why the very first experiences while certainly not the worst, continue to be the most visceral and pregnant with meaning in her mind.

How sensitive we are in our naïveté. How easily we feel, we connect, we burn these images into the fabric of who we are.

It’s a colossal feat to navigate trauma like war whether in our homes, workplace or world.

The hours the body works to bring healing to these unconscious damaging emotions of fear and trauma most notably occur during the fourth watch of the night between 3am and 6am. Terror during this time is often associated with unresolved trauma waking us, unsettling us, terrifying us.

I think of the apostles on the water during a storm— the fourth watch of the night. They look and see Jesus walking on the water. They are terrified and believe He is a ghost.

Jesus tells them, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

This response is exactly what dream research scientists recommend to say aloud as a way of reframing when encountering nightmares or night terrors.

During this time of uncertainty, war, worldwide fear, we need to hold these words dear and speak them often especially during the fourth watches of the night.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. –John 14:27

One of my mentors, Henri Nouwen writes about life as you age toward death, “Your whole life is filled with losses, endless losses. And every time there are losses, there are choices to be made. You choose to live your losses as passages to anger, blame, hatred, depression, and resentment, or you choose to let these losses, be passages to something new, wider, and deeper. The question is not how to avoid loss and make it not happen, but how to choose it as a passage, as an exodus to greater life and freedom.”

As I age, this wisdom becomes more clear and resonant. I imagine Dad dying in a room without any art, barely any furniture—Just a bed, white walls and a large window. He chose this room; a room that is not the passage into nothingness, but the beginning of the profound adventure into the mystery of eternal life. This stark room was a form of passage, of letting go the trappings of this early life—-All our external reminders of business or rather busy-ness and importance- movement, work, achievement, wealth.

I consider what I hold tightly in my hand that in one hundred years will not mean a thing.

What does matter? What does last?

Psalm 90:12 is a beautiful reminder that there is a finitude to life. It will be over so much faster than we imagine. Scripture says our life is a blink of an eye, or like vapor — here a moment than gone.

Nouwen invites us into the passage of wonder and joy as we contemplate the celerity of life, inwardly slowly down, looking around and considering what really does matter.

What are you learning about the brevity of your life?

What losses have you been carrying toward a passage of heartache rather than a passage of hope? What helps to turn that around?

How do you befriend your losses and allow them to be used by God as gain?

“Teach us to number our days that we may learn a heart of wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12

The word “passion” means to suffer with someone for the sake of love. Christ hanging on the cross out of love for humanity inspired the creation of this important word. In church, we were asked to consider which would be more miraculous— Jesus coming down off the cross and crushing all His enemies and scoffers or Jesus staying on the cross.

Anyone going through tremendous suffering can recognize just how easy it would be to tap out and get out of the pain. Quitting would have been easy. Getting off the cross, a comfort and relief.

To have the power to go through some of the most pain a person can endure and submit to it for the sake of something greater based on willpower is the most miraculous.

Skeptics should reconsider how they define the parameters for conditions for their belief. Instead of demanding signs from God as proof of existence- they should wonder at what is keeping them from seeing the truly miraculous.

The will of Jesus to stay on the cross for us is truly a mind blowing miracle. This is His passion: love that held Him tenaciously to the cross to suffer beyond description for our sake.

“And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” – Philippians 2:8

Have you been turned upside down? Or, perhaps, it really is right side up! In essence, that is what suffering does to us. It can make us stop, look, feel, grow; or it can make us go in reverse, run from, deny our emotions. It can make us softer or harder.

In the end, the all-time sufferer, Job, replied to God: “I had heard…but now I see…”

In my life, suffering has gardened my heart in two ways. First,I know Christ better because I have shared in His pain, called a partner in Christ’s sufferings (Philippians 3:7-11, I Peter 4:13). I am so grateful He understands our suffering, feelings, weaknesses.

Secondly, my compassion for others has grown. Because I have experienced Christ entering my suffering, I want to enter another’s suffering to be of benefit. Going through suffering myself has helped me somewhat understand another’s suffering. Someone has said: “Grapes become wine for another only when they have been squeezed.”

Paul said it the best in Colossians 1:24, “I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake…”

There is a question I have been pondering during Holy Week. “I will be happy if ____________.” Early in my dad’s cancer journey, he would have placed his happiness dependent upon his cure. He really wanted to be cured from cancer. He wanted to be free from the treatments that left him sick and oppressed, the trips to the doctor, and the countless nagging distractions, discomforts and hardship cancer brings.

I wonder how his life would have been different had he been cured. Would he have experienced the happiness he longed for in the cure?

My belief talking with him as he began to change his mindset about happiness, is that Dad realized his internal happiness was not dependent upon cancer’s cure.

Dad believed happiness sprung from inner joy gifted by the Holy Spirit. Some of the happiest times of his life came after touching and profound interactions with God in prayer. He would call me with tears streaming down his cheeks with such abundant joy.

I understand this now. How often I would fill in this happiness sentence with success for NBC Camps or for my children or for getting my way in some capacity.

I am learning together with Dad that inner happiness cannot not be reached by an external means. Nothing material, physical, temporary can fill the space created deep within each of us designed solely for holy and godly communion.

That is how we face difficult life situations with overflowing inner joy. To live in the house of ambition leaves us constantly empty. To live in the house of anxiety and pressure is a choice.

God invites us to live in the house of love where His hope is gifted to us. Do I run to what I think will satisfy or will I run into the arms of a deeply loving Heavenly Father?

“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” – Psalm 16:11

Dad loved the Ignatian spiritual exercises. He used them diligently to listen and discern God’s will in decision making.

When in despair, Ignatian cautions not to change course or make decisions when experiencing hardship and difficulty. Negative emotions such as anger, bitterness, and resentment cannot provide the wisdom necessary for quality relating and life calling.What should we do instead of making a decision in the suffering moment? Dad would say slow down, be still, sing, pray more rather than less, be more patient and less hasty.How often we make more mistakes when we are in a hurry or trying to get through the painful situation as quickly as possible!Stop and ask:Did I commit myself to this work or this relationship before I encountered difficulty?Did I experience God’s blessing on this commitment before the hardship?How easy is the course of quitting or stopping on this commitment? Ease is one of the seductions to quit.What do my key mentors recommend?How can I wait, slow down, sing and pray more during this difficult time?I picture a lovely conversation with my Dad as we walk through each of these questions.Blessings to you as you navigate both the joys and sorrows of this life.The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. – Psalm 25:14

Between the stimulus and the response is a NANOSECOND. This nanosecond is the time we decide our response. It happens so quickly that it is assumed the reaction is involuntary and we have no control over the stimulant. This is not the case.

This space, which is as quick as a blink of the eye, is the time we react to the cause or stimulant. This is where mind management is vital. We call this the practice of self-regulation. Without this practice, we cannot effectively take advantage of the nanosecond. Mind management is a moment-to-moment exercise. It centers you and reintegrates the mind, body, and soul.

Self-regulation is one of the most important life skills to master. This is why self-discipline is our best friend. It is one of our MVP tools to solve problems. The body is our voice and does not lie. It is our green, yellow and red life lights. We must listen, read carefully and react to what our body tells us.

We are so wonderfully made. Our majestic Creator gave us all the tools to love people each day. What are you doing to master the nanosecond? It is very important, although just one of many gifts God has given us for loving people and Himself.

Monet is called the father of Impressionism. The term was coined from the name of his painting “Impression, sunrise”. Many of the critics openly mocked his style, yet he became one of the most influential painters of all time.Monet was obsessed with the beauty of light often painting the same scene hundreds of times in different seasons and times of the day.His favorite place to paint was his garden. His paintings of his own water lilies became some of his most known work. Love was at the core of his work. He deeply loved what he painted.I think of Monet as I read through the gospels. I am reading the stories of Jesus interactions with people after His resurrection. Many could not recognize Him. When several of the disciples are fishing Jesus calls out to them on the beach. The disciple whom Jesus loved says to them all, “It is the Lord.”I consider how this loved disciple recognizes Jesus when no one else does. Love recognized love. We know our loved one’s voice, their mannerisms, their way of being. Monet loved painting and the scenes of beauty in the world enough to devote days of his life to capture all the unique aspects of what he loved. His eye saw beauty in ways many others could not.I consider what I need to see in an awakened way – perhaps love or light or beauty in ways that get missed because of my attitude or fear or busyness.How can I recognize Jesus?How would recognizing LOVE more immediately change my interactions with the world?How can I be someone devoted to this kind of reverence?“Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus. He called out to them, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?” “No,” they answered. He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish. Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” – John 21:4-7

Behavior is the result of a person’s beliefs. In my early years coaching basketball and counseling families, it became clear to me the most important key to effective education is knowing this principle: If you wish to change your life, you must change your thinking.

A common error in teaching is placing the focus on behavior and not belief. Too often the correction trifecta educational phase receives the most attention (whether by parents, coaches, business leaders, or classroom teachers).

At NBC Camps, TEC is the preferred method of educating youth. This is teaching by leading (not telling) through lifestyle; it has to be your own first. Then encouragement should be at least 10 times per 1 criticism. Finally, correction, focusing on attitude, not the act, is the last aspect.

Again, let me repeat: YOUR BELIEFS DICTATE YOUR BEHAVIOR. If this is true, then it makes perfect sense what I believe is the key to how I behave. Here are some real examples:

• A 9-year-old boy dislikes school. Teachers and parents attempt to encourage him with logic. You must learn so you can grow up and be successful; if you do your work, then you can play. Ironically, this emphasizes behavior modification first. In my opinion, this boy will dislike school his entire life until he changes his belief system about school. This will be demonstrated when he asks his mother if they can go inside to do his math homework.
• A 17-year-old young lady decides to take Calculus II, knowing it will better prepare her for college. However, her first attempt landed her a C+; after she changed her belief system, she conquered the course with an A.
• A college basketball player decides the only way to resolve his sadness is to take his life. His mother lived a life of chronic depression, which became this boy’s belief system. He changed dramatically and decided life was worth living when he changed his belief about his world and himself.

In each of these 3 examples, it was my privilege to play the role of teacher/coach/counselor. As my guiding premise, I used belief system dictates behavior. Each person had to change their belief from “I am stupid” to “I can because I am God-gifted and accept the challenge.”

This Words of Hope is dear to my heart and could fill several days of challenging content because of its importance to me. We can all master our positive belief system through examination first and then choosing to let that belief system control our behavior. Not vice versa. Then we can have a vital impact on others also.

As I am personally in the winter season of my life, my final chapters, I seek to love Abba Father with all that I am and also love people deeply. These Words of Hope are prayers that others can, and will, put into action what speaks to them.

Finally, go after what lasts for all eternity – the glory of the Lord. He is security, identity, stability, protection, and therefore the hub, the fulcrum of life. I am His precious child.

There can be a uniformity between impact and intent. However, not until we know and understand how to create this congruency is it possible to master the vital skill of creating healthy relationships.

Years ago Papa King, a WW2 veteran, liked to say, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Walt King was a successful businessman, although he suffered greatly during the Great Depression. As a teen, he rode the rails hoping to find work. Eventually, he owned a lucrative garbage business and also drove 32 years for USPS. The Crowell grandchildren loved their Papa King. In essence, Papa King was also teaching us to know and understand good intentions may have negative impacts.

The solution to developing a congruent relationship between impact and intent is to focus on the impact not the intent. Be more concerned about what you say and do. It does impact people. Do not defend your intent. Instead, take full responsibility for your impact.

For example, take a kid in school who bullies another kid. The teacher says, “Please do not do that. You hurt his feelings.” That kid says to himself, “Stupid teacher. That is exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to hurt his feelings.” The wise teacher should say, “Do you want to take responsibility for the impact you just had on that student?” The impertinent bully will say “No” or become defensive.

Jesus was a master of aligning impact and intent perfectly. By prioritizing questions over declarations, He fostered a culture of learning and empathy. For Jesus, curiosity was the key to understanding; it ensured that His heart (intent) was perfectly reflected in His actions (impact).

To align impact and intent, Jesus utilized the creative life skill of curiosity.

• Curiosity leads to intentional questioning.
• Questioning drives deep learning and empathy.
• Understanding creates the congruency required for one’s impact to match their intent.

By masterfully navigating these stages, Jesus eliminated the “noise” of misinterpretation.

Challenge: For the next few days, focus only on your impact. When you speak, deliberately observe others’ reactions in the conversation. This means watching their eyes, facial expression and posture, in addition to their words. This will tell you the impact you are having. Goal is to speak life not death.

Focusing on impact, hopefully, will cause us to create more wins as we fulfill our positive intent. This will produce the best harvest!

Have you heard these quotes about Truth?

Have you heard these quotes about Truth?

• “Truth is beauty; beauty is Truth.” John Keats
• “In a time of universal deceit, telling the Truth is a revolutionary act.”
• “A lie can travel halfway around the world while the Truth is putting on its shoes.”
• “Facts are many, but the Truth is one.”
• “The Truth is rarely pure and never simple.”
• “You are slow of heart and foolish if you do not believe the Truth spoken by the prophets.” (Luke 24:25-27)

These quotes show the necessity of examining belief systems about the vast philosophical subject of Truth and falsehoods.

Therefore, we have three questions: Is there a Spirit of Truth? If there is a Spirit of Truth, how can we know it? Is it possible to prove it as we know it?

Jesus made a profound declaration: “I am the way, the Truth, and the life.” Without the way, there is no Truth, and without the Truth, there is no life.

Great thinkers and miraculous minds have pondered the meaning of Truth over the centuries. In my college days, a Master’s degree assignment was to be as factual as possible in our writing on Truth. Let me be honest, at that time I was far from the great philosophers of Aristotle and Plato. My great thinkers were basketball and football coaches. I had little interest in the thought processes of philosophy, psychology, or theology. However, that assignment began my contemplation of Truth.

Yet, it was not until I experienced the miracle of being born again that I came to see the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ as my ultimate source of Truth. Forty days after the resurrection about 120 followers of Jesus Christ received the SPIRIT OF TRUTH. This SPIRIT OF TRUTH Jesus called the Comforter, the third person of the trinity who would live within our bodies called His temples. The Comforter changed the lives of these men and women from despair to hope, fear to courage, lethargy to passion, failure to victory. Then from this band of brothers and sisters came a change in the world. More hospitals, schools, universities, charitable groups are now empowered by the true SPIRIT OF TRUTH than by any other.

Please consider your relationship with the SPIRIT OF TRUTH. Men of all ages have examined Jesus Christ and the Comforter and have made the wholehearted discovery that Jesus’ statements are true. He said: *“I am the way, the Truth and the life. No man comes to God the Father except through Me” (John 14:6).*He also said: “You will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free” (John 8:32)

I have been thinking about rewards, specifically how are they different from awards and how they are viewed in scripture.

Perhaps they are on my mind as I clean out the awards for my mom and dad. Placards, engraved plates, keys, or crystal paperweights, go into a box no longer proudly displayed.

I consider this as we are meditating in church on Matthew 5:1-12; Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount.

He says in response to persecution to rejoice for great is your reward in heaven. What would that reward be like?

Is it to sit at a special spot, or wear a special crown, or get a bigger mansion, or preside over something amazing? None of this resonates with me as appealing or even very Christ-like.

I ask God about this and I get a vision of the reward being people- people you dearly desire to be with you in heaven with joy for all eternity. How much greater than some kind of award or reward of some kind of higher or more righteous distinction from someone else.

More love to share, more joy by having these beloved people saved, redeemed, brothers and sisters forever together.

I think of this as I pack up the box that is headed for donations. I know Mom and Dad care not an iota for these trinkets but they care deeply for each person they loved and prayed earnestly for each day. They love(d) people and I know that seeing these with God forever would be their greatest reward.

“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” – Matthew 5:11-12

God is always surprising us. He is full of compassion and deepest love. How easy it is to ascribe harshness to God. Why is this? Jesus is constantly battling this with the Pharisees who take pride in burdening others with judgment, hardship, and shame.

They tell people: Don’t do anything on the Sabbath, worry about tithing, worry about washing and cleansing everything. Judge those who do wrong.

Jesus turns all this on its head. He calls out their inner hearts who aspire to be praised for their righteousness rather than loving God sincerely and others deeply from the heart.

I love this verse now which used to cause me fear.

“For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.”

I have read it my whole life from a place of scarcity. But it says, “Who ever does not have- that will be taken from them.”

Jesus surprises me with His love and abundance. Reading this from a view of deepest love can be read as those who do not have, that will be taken from them.

Incredible the love and abundance of God!

May you have power… to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ… that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. – Ephesians 3:18–19

Hope seems in short measure when we see the violence happening in America. People with masks shooting civilians and dragging children away from parents.

Never in my lifetime would I believe this could happen.

Here we are with a country divided and a decisional choice at hand. What do I choose? What do you choose?

Consider this statement I found:

“There is nothing Christlike about supporting policies that violate the dignity of human beings. When Christians remain silent, or worse, defend violence and dehumanization, we betray the gospel. We strip people of the humanity Christ came to restore in them and in us, and we strip the cross of its meaning: that God became flesh-and-bone among the marginalized, the fearful, the hunted, and the wounded.”

I reflect on the gospel message Jesus preached. It was not personal or national power, privilege, or position. He came in shame, in suffering, in poverty. He lived for a while as a refugee with his parents.

If a person pursues a “gospel” by praying to God for position and wealth or to kill others who do not believe the same, this will bring wrath. This message has no place in a follower of Christ.

Hope springs from truth, from right living before the Holy God who knows our hidden motives, unconscious bias, and inner machinations.

Some may argue this current news is propaganda or misinformation, or there are always two sides. This is a very damning belief that if wrong will be held accountable to the Most High. Are we on the side of the oppressed or the oppressor?

Lord have mercy.

“Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.” – I John 4:20

As I witness men tearing down signs that tell the truth of slavery in our nation, I consider the cost this is to their lives, to their children’s lives, to their souls.

Dad and I would have a long conversation about this. It would always lead to a discussion of truth or lies. Did slavery happen on our land? How do we know? What of the lives impacted by this trade— slavers, owners, slaves purchased, sold, owned. What was life like for them? What is our responsibility to this history? What is our responsibility for telling the truth about cruelty, evil, and wrong doing?

All these questions have an absolute, knowable truth. Our opinions do not matter. God knows each story and this is of utmost importance. For to tell a story outside of God’s truth is a lie and by association, a sin.

One of the many powerful testimonies we have of the HUNDREDS of years of slavery in America is a book called American Slavery as It Is: Testimony of a Thousand Witnesses compiled by Theodore Dwight Weld, with contributions from Angelina and Sarah Grimké and others.

How can we not read this work and close our ears to the voices of suffering?! How can we read these stories and not have our hearts burst with sorrow for these grave injustices?!

I consider the men taking down the placards in Philadelphia that testify to slavery in America. They do so at their own spiritual peril.

As Dostoyevsky writes, “A man who lies to himself, and believes his own lies, becomes incapable of truth and ruin follows.”

As Satan is the Father of Lies, truth becomes even more crucial to pursue.

Truth in a time of lies and lying can become more difficult to discern. We can know the truth by seeking and listening to God. Christianity without truth is not Christ-centered but the anti-Christ. Whatever we place above God— our Nation, our wealth, our status, our safety— all these become dangerous when placed above God. Truth is always connected to God for Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” Truth requires us to surrender all to God and seek Him first.

“This is the one who came by water and blood—Jesus Christ. He did not come by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit who testifies, because the Spirit is the truth.” – 1 John 5:6

My mom and I like speed. I like haste. I like to hurry through a store, rush through conversations, interrupt, or move on.

I am like my dad in that I say things in haste that would be better left unshared. Like Dad, I am hasty in an angry response when I am flooded or frustrated.

On the other hand, sometimes I don’t move as quickly as I should. I often drive below the speed limit like Dad did, to the frustration of those in and outside the vehicle. I can be sluggish in finishing a personal project that is creative and meaningful — postponing for an easier or obligatory task. I am slow to go to the doctor. I am slow to make a change on a character flaw.

Why do we rush sometimes and not others? What danger comes to us because we rush or because we are not acting when we should?

In scripture, haste to give an angry response or to act in fear leads to poor judgment, poverty, and skips in planning and wisdom.

There are a few times scripture does speak about haste in the positive. Mary runs with haste to meet with Elizabeth. She has heard the good news of the end of Elizabeth’s barrenness.

The shepherds respond in haste to fulfill what the angels told them— go and seek Jesus.

Can I be hasty to praise God for the answered prayers in the lives of those for whom I daily pray? Can I be hasty to worship the Lord? Can I slow down in matters of anger or fear? Can I respond to divine messages with immediate gratitude and obedience?

What do you discern for your life? Where is a haste a mistake and where is it a blessing?

And Mary arose in those days, and went into the hill country with haste, into a city of Juda; And entered into the house of Zacharias, and saluted Elisabeth. And it came to pass, that, when Elisabeth heard the salutation of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb; and Elisabeth was filled with the Holy Ghost: And she spake out with a loud voice, and said, Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb. – Luke 1:39-42

In my devotional, I was feeling sad when I opened an advent book by one of my favorite authors, Henri Nouwen. In the front of the book I discovered a note from my dad Very briefly he wrote: “Pure Joy! Thank you Love forever.”

What an incredible message from my beloved dad. What does pure joy mean? For Dad it is always connect to scripture and especially James chapter 1:2. “Consider it pure joy my brethren when you encounter trials of various kinds!”

Dad is continuing to encourage me even after his death. He is reminding me that whatever difficulty or trial I face, to thank God and consider it pure joy!

How light everything becomes with this reminder. What feels heavy, immediately becomes weightless and light. Hope, delight, good news!

This is the message of Jesus. This is the inspiring message of the gospel!

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

One of the greatest losses a child can experience is father loss. Father loss comes in many forms.

A three-year-old boy’s father dies in a plane crash.

Two sons whose father is convicted of sex crimes are removed from their home.

A high-level executive who travels the world making millions yet has no time for his children.

A Man who leaves his family but pays only $17 in child support over a two year period.

A father who trades his 30+ year marriage in for a younger woman and his children feel totally rejected.

An angry father who erupts in rage and verbally or physically hurts child or mother.

Over my 50 plus years in coaching and counseling, I have seen every kind of father loss.

The result is always the same. Loss of a father. Loss of a hero. Loss of a role model.

I know. I am one who experienced father loss. The loss never goes away yet there is HOPE.

We can have a new father. His name is Abba Father. His beloved Son is Jesus. When we come to Christ in faith God becomes our true Father.

I know. Abba Father has filled my loss. He has adopted me as His son.

These are the five things I know to be true:

1. God is who he says he is.
2. God will do what he says he will do.
3. I Fred Crowell is who God says I am not who I might think I am or what my father might’ve said I was.
4. I can do all things through Jesus Christ who gives me the strength. Period!
5. God’s word is alive and active in me.

I Fred Crowell believe in God, I am his adopted son and this realization makes all the difference in the world.

What is your true desire? Can you peel back the reasons for the way you want to live?

I consider this as I think over the death of my father and in many ways loss of my mother. They were so integrally connected. What defined their lives? Houses? Cars? Titles?

I consider those who pass on, people who the world knows by name— Princess Diana, Robin Williams, Abraham Lincoln, Maya Angelou. What matters to them now? How would they have lived differently?

I also consider the nameless children killed in the genocide sites we visit for Shann’s research. Where is the hope in this consideration?

The hope is something beyond this present moment. Ultimately, we must exchange our views of God as the magic Genie who grants our wishes and fulfills all our secret desires—wanting God to make us god, to make our lives more remarkable, more comfortable, more….

What does hope in God truly promise? Overflowing hope — springing from authentic joy and peace as we trust God. Hope for something not seen.

What is that hope? At the purest essence it is LOVE, true community, communion with God and with all we love. A promise of life eternal, of a reordered world with peace at the center, of awe reawakened into highest praise. This Hope exists even in our sorrow, our great losses, our beloved loves, our own hopes and dreams, frailties, harms: all our desolations and consolations. For as Ignatius said, below everything God is the God of all consolation.

What are you living for?

Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you. – Matthew 6:33

One Christmas Season, Dad felt at the apex of frustration with his stage four cancer diagnosis. Worn out and weary to the bone, he tried to navigate both the physical and emotional work of managing his pain. He wrestled with this privately as he made his way to my house on Christmas Eve.

At the long, crowded dinner table, he felt nauseous and discouraged as he struggled to find a comfortable seated position all the while braving a smile as our happy family talked together in lively conversation around the meal.

Quietly, he slipped out of his chair and went by himself to lay down on the floor in front of the Christmas tree. Wondering if this was his last Christmas, he lay silently praying and working to manage both pain and grief.

All of us in the family stayed busy talking, passing food, and rushing to and fro, when one of the very young children noticed her grandfather’s absence. She searched and found him lying by the Christmas tree.

She rushed to him, cradled his head and rocked him slightly back and forth. Then she sang softly to him going through a list of all his favorite songs. The family came in to find him with tears running down either sides of his cheeks as the little girl held his head gently saying, “I am singing to heal Papa.”

Do songs heal us?

One of the most healing songs ever sung announced the good news of the arrival of light in darkness, hope in despair, eternity in the temporal cares of the world. “Glory to God in the highest and on earth, peace, good will to mankind.” We find that songs do heal us. Surprising research documents that singing together as teams and families significantly reduces anxiety, creates better mood, leads to greater social connection and belonging and can in some cases significantly help with pain management.

Do the songs matter?

Actually, yes. Words are powerful and what you sing can influence your mood. Not surprisingly depressing songs lead to more depression but inspiring songs do inspire us— they breathe life into us.

What song do you need to sing right now? What song could you share with your family?

One song that impacts our family home is the song, “I heard the bells on Christmas Day”. The song has lyrics from a poem written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

The context of this poem is so important to understand. Longfellow lost his beloved wife Fanny when her dress caught fire. He was badly burned trying to save her. After her death, he did not celebrate Christmas for a time. Then, his son secretly signed up for the Union army against his wishes during the most violent and bloody times of the war.

Soon after enlisting, his son was severely wounded and paralyzed. Longfellow, while caring for his son on Christmas Day, experienced the idea where his poem struck him.

In 1863, part of the poem he wrote said:

I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth, good-will to men! ……

And in despair I bowed my head; “There is no peace on earth,” I said; “For hate is strong, And mocks the song Of peace on earth, good-will to men!”

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: “God is not dead; nor doth He sleep! The Wrong shall fail, The Right prevail, With peace on earth, good-will to men!”

Take a minute and listen to this Christmas song. https://youtu.be/M7670CXvPX0?si=8o9gWpNYkhyOnO6o

What despair is weighing on your heart? What lack of hope or heart of bitterness are you carrying?

And maybe even more importantly what might someone near you be silently carrying on their own, their private world of suffering or pain.

Who is someone that needs your comfort? Who is someone who needs your song of love and care?

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. 11 Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” – Luke 2:10-14

Each life experience has the potential to reward us three times.

#1. The Preparation Experience. Potentially, this can be an exciting time. Anticipation, hoping, planning and preparing are good things.

Example: I find the hunt for a new thing, be it shoes or a car, is more fun than the purchase. Thus I take two to three years to buy a car. I love the hunt.

#2. The Event Experience. Where are you? Right here right now. If we can win the moment we can win the minute; then the hour; then the day.

Live to love life. The enemy is to live in yesterday. This creates depression and regret.

Another enemy is living in the tomorrows, which brings us anxiety and fear.

#3. The Memory Event. If we prepare well, live the event fully, the memory is the best of the 3, because it can be relived the rest of our lives.

My joy cup runs over. Memory making is my plan. Game Changer is my purpose. Loving people is my action steps. Living in the moment will create fantastic memories.

Let’s live the moment today!

Before going into the three thoughts that heighten anxiety, first, let’s consider what the scripture says: “be anxious for nothing.” That is an interesting expectation. Be anxious about zero situations, zero scenarios. With anxiety being a worldwide epidemic, what can I learn about anxiety?

Anxiety happens when we rush into the future. It is the fear that the future will somehow be difficult and painful or something we should fear.

It’s easy to see especially after watching the news, why a fearful future seems highly plausible.

Henri Nouwen offers three thoughts that heighten anxiety and ones we should avoid in our lives.

1. I am what I do.

This places us in a role rather than being a person. When what I do gets threatened or jeopardized, then anxiety can creep in. Work, status, titles, and responsibilities take higher precedence than the truth that we are children of God.

When my worthiness is connected to my identity as a beloved daughter of God, everything is free to be let go or given away.

2. I am what I have.

Watching Dad die, I found it so immediately apparent that nothing lasts. All his treasured mementoes, concern over what to wear, investment in homes or wealth, all gone. Anxiety can arise when we want to hold on tighter.

When our sense of security comes from our bank account, we worry about what could happen if the dollar collapses. What if everything I worked for is taken away? Instead, Jesus asks us when we feel worried, to consider the birds of the air and the flowers of the field. They do not, as Wendell Barry noted, “tax their lives with forethought of grief.” They are fed, beautifully clothed, living and having an abundance without care or worry.

3. I am what others say about me.

I consider how suffering can happen when we identify with labels or words that define us in ways that crush us or inflate us. Shann and I have watched enough Rockumentaries to show how damning hero worship can be. All of us have lived through the painful sting of a harsh word or insulting remark.

Anxiety can arise when we care too much about what others say in contrast to what LOVE says about us. How can we read Psalm 139 and ever care what others say? The God who created the galaxies and countless stars pursues us with love and tenderness.

What about you? Satan not only tempts us to sins that move us away from God, he also tempts us to be anxious and afraid like someone feeling stalked by a lion. This dread immediately leaves when we stand firm in our faith, knowing many are wrestling with anxiety. Consider these incredible comforting words, “after we have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, Himself will restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

– 1 Peter 5: 7-11

I like to break down verses word for word. “Cast all your cares.” What an image that is, one especially given to us from St. Peter who would know all about the skill of casting. I imagine Peter with a net full of cares he is casting out on the sea of God’s love. Maybe it is a net of jellyfish that sting.

Is there any skill required to cast this net of cares?

It appears we cast because God cares for us. How does understanding God’s deep love for me help me to cast my cares?

Part of my work is letting go. Peter understood this as a fisherman. Herman Melville, in his cautionary novel, Moby Dick, gives us a perfect image of how anxiety and dread can generate an unhealthy desire to hunt down and master that dread ourselves. This can lead to obsession and ruin.

Captain Ahab can think of nothing other than killing the white whale, nothing else can entertain his time or attention. That is the price of holding on to our anxieties. They rob us of joy, presence, hope, and faith.

Do you have a net of anxieties that tangles your mind and heart? Do they wake you up at night? Do they gnaw at the edges of your thoughts?

This was my dad’s stage four cancer diagnosis. He was sometimes Captain Ahab fully consumed to try and hunt down cancer through the latest technology and harpoon those rogue cells.

As he learned to cast his cares on God, he rediscovered his joy, his purpose, his freedom from care.

“Cast your cares on Him because He cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5

This season as we celebrate Advent, I consider what it means to prepare. What are we preparing? We prepare food, a place for guests to stay, we prepare presents, decorations, traveling accommodations, and schedules. Preparing for Christmas can quickly become a series of meaningless tasks when we lose sight of the true meaning.

What does Advent season ask us to prepare? We are preparing our hearts: the heart – the seat of our affections, the center for all our thoughts and actions. Scientists have been surprised to recently discover what theologians have been saying for thousands of years. The mind is informed by the heart. According to scientific research, the mind gets its messages from the emotions and affections or inflictions of the heart.

Advent asks us to prepare our hearts, to take inventory of the toxic emotions that cannot co-exist with the God of love. This includes envy, bitterness, hatred, malice, fear, and greed. To repent, which is defined as making a confession and demonstrating a willingness to do the work to change.

We can hang stockings, put up trees, string lights but none of this prepares us for the transformation of the season. This Advent season, let us spend silent time bending the knee to allow the Holy Spirit to make room for Christ in our hearts.

“That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner self, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.” – Ephesians 3:15-17

One of the gorgeous books we are reading as a family is by Makoto Fujimura called “Art is a journey into the light.” He and his wife are dear friends of ours. His wife built a powerful ministry for children born into brothels that helps them gain higher education. Together they bring joy to others through their love for the world.

In Mako’s book, he speaks about the importance of finding one’s “slice of expression” as an artist.

I consider this in the broader context of Christian life and the art of loving others well. Van Gogh said, “The greatest work of art is to love someone.”

As I consider loving someone well like the process needed for fine art, I think about how to narrow my gaze, and focus my intentions. How do I love my husband as an artist? How do I find my slice of expression—his reception of deepest love? My expression isn’t the same as his. He needs his own slice of loving expression. What isn’t that important to me can be incredibly important to him.

Attentiveness is one expression of care Shann most values. I sadly am easily distracted with a fast mind. Being an artist at loving Shann means to slow down, set down the phone, and center my thoughts on appreciation, listening, and gratitude.

Mako describes the important steps to prepare for his artistic work. The journey to the studio, the preparation of the materials, the silence, and prayer.

The most important preparation for my work as an artistic lover of Shann is to pause and pray. I ask the God of love to dwell in me as the most loving Artist, to help me work to show love through the expressions most appreciated with kindness and generosity.

Who is someone God has called you to love?

How artistic is your love?

How lavish does your love feel to this person?

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called the children of God!” – 1 John 3:1

Why should Thanksgiving be limited to one calendar day a year? Giving thanks can be so much more than watching football all day, eating piles of delicious food that later make us miserable, Christmas shopping, a four-day weekend.

Thanks-Giving is developed through conscious level thinking. Practice is the way to become a Thanks-Giving guru.

How wonderful for a child to hear his father or mother say, “My child, I am so thankful for you!” Later, that child himself will have the privilege to become a parent and be a Thanks-Giving guru to his own children.

Living thankfulness is much like the skill of an athlete or a musician. Repetition produces automatic responses. A fabulous basketball shooter or a great pianist, who has developed skills, is not consciously thinking of every little step. Rather, after myriads of repetitions, the skill is on “automatic pilot.” Likewise, the Thanks-Giving guru lives thankfulness after years of feeling or expressing thanks.

Such thankfulness is a choice. By default, we choose ingratitude. What is your choice?